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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the parents who didn't send their children are a bit rubbish?

36 replies

var123 · 19/01/2015 09:16

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-30876360

Saw this story, and I feel a little sorry for the mum who organised the party, even though I think she should have taken her revenge by never inviting the other boy to anything again, rather than sending the invoice.

I don't think she's got a leg to stand on in the small claims court.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 19/01/2015 09:18

there was a big thread about this yesterday

MrsTawdry · 19/01/2015 09:19

There's already a thread about this but yes, the parents were crap and their attitude stinks. All "Well we could'n't go..." and not accepting they were rude and feckless. If I were in their position I'd text all the other parents to find their number! So rude.

aprilanne · 19/01/2015 09:21

a bit annoying .he could have told his friend at school or whatever .but hardly a criminal offence ,the other mother just looks stupid

TheHappinessTrap · 19/01/2015 09:24

It's a shame, but the parental response was over the top. She and her son would have my sympathies if she hadn't invoiced.

KirjavaTheCat · 19/01/2015 09:26

Fair enough in my opinion.

Why's he going to the news about it?

EatShitDerek · 19/01/2015 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
var123 · 19/01/2015 09:33

I guess the father thinks he has done nothing wrong. Maybe he just binned the invitation. He should have done his very best to contact the birthday boy's mother though so by contacting the press, he's just advertising how selfish he is.

I had something like this recently, except the mother didn't bother to replying to the invitation, the email I sent her or the text message. Apparently, she never does unless she happens to want to say yes. All the other kids at the party were enthusiastically telling me how bad she has been over the years. I won't invite her son again and I feel sorry for him that he has to miss out.

OP posts:
Original poster
var123 · 19/01/2015 09:36

EatShitDerek - I think its different when its an organised event that the parent has to pay per head for. If she like me, then she probably said her son could take half a dozen friends, so by not turning up, he prevented her being able to ask someone else and left a noticeable gap.
I imagine that one of the parents probably stood around at the entrance waiting for the last child to arrive. Its very rude not to take the trouble to cancel IMO.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 19/01/2015 09:38

when I send invitations now I know the ones that won't answer (dd is in P7 so has had a few parties over the years).

I think the invoice was to make a point and the invitees were rude not to let the inviters know they weren't going. They could have put a note in the child's bag rather than claim they did not have contact details.

fishinabarrell · 19/01/2015 09:41

Wow so rude. But not a leg on for the woman, no contract had been signed.

fishinabarrell · 19/01/2015 09:41

As in the dad was rude.

MrsTawdry · 19/01/2015 09:42

Derek but I bet the no shows wouldn't say "It's just a 5 year old's birthday" if nobody turned up to theirs!

Greywackejones · 19/01/2015 09:43

Presume the bbc paid £15 for the story...?

EatShitDerek · 19/01/2015 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dementedpixie · 19/01/2015 09:48

EatShitDerek, bet you hadn't paid by head for your child's party then? It's ok if you have a set price for a venue and any amoutn of children can go along. It is different if you pay per person (although whenever I have had parties like this you normally pay for the amount of children that turn up on the day - some have a minimum number though so would have to pay for that minimum even if they aren't all there)

DoJo · 19/01/2015 09:48

I love this quote from him:
"She didn't treat me like a human being, she treated me like a child and that I should do what she says."

I can't work out whether he thinks that children aren't human beings, or that human beings never have to do what anyone says. She sounds frustrated but he sounds like a tool.

EatShitDerek · 19/01/2015 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 19/01/2015 09:55

No-show Nash should be grateful he's only been invoiced.

If it was up to me he'd be taken out the back and shot.

TheRealMaryMillington · 19/01/2015 09:59

Invoice woman is silly (unless it was meant to be a joke)
Non-attending father is rude and a thoughtless.

differentnameforthis · 19/01/2015 10:02

I think its different when its an organised event that the parent has to pay per head for

You take that risk when you pay per head though (and yes, I have done several of them).. would you send an invoice to a relative/friend who was unable to attend your wedding reception?

It's grabby, if she was that concerned re money, perhaps a smaller party at home would have been in order!

Aside from which, most venues will only charge half price if you have no shows.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 19/01/2015 10:02

I feel sorry for the two children who both have stupid parents.

Invoice mum just sounds unhinged threatening to sue the family and dad sounds a bit childish in his response.

Clearly she has no claim as there was no agreement.

It's a 5 yr olds birthday party, not a wedding FGS.

AlorsMeh · 19/01/2015 10:07

Why is he advertising to the world that he is so ill- mannered that he would accept a party invitation and then not send his son on the day without any apology. That is such a disrespectful and selfish thing to do.

MidniteScribbler · 19/01/2015 10:12

If I had accepted an invitation for DS for any party that was pay-per-head and then was unable to go (for ANY reason), I would contact the parent and offer to pay for the place. Regardless of whether the money was accepted or not, I would still make sure to get the present to the child. We're it DSs party and a parent had to cancel and the parent offered to pay, then I'd decline the money. Isn't that just how it's supposed to work in polite society?

Twat dad has guaranteed that his child won't get anymore invitations, and twat mum has guaranteed most parents will decline any future invitations for fear of being sued.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2015 10:13

Yes I would be upset if I were the mum, but I would have put it down to one of those things, and made a mental note not to invite the boy again, unless my child really wanted him at the party. Also, the father said that he was not able to contact her. I would not have gone to the press, as it is not fair on his little boy, who is not responsible for all of this.

AliceLidl · 19/01/2015 10:13

I think this father is an being an arse, he's dragging his child through the media, and this problem is of his own making.

They accepted the invitation and then took up a better offer.

He realised he had made arrangements with the grandparents before the day of the party, and still made no effort to contact the party family to cancel while they had time to offer the place to somebody else.

They say they put all their details on the invitation, so he's clearly lost it or thrown it away.

But he could still have called the venue and asked them to pass a message on, contacted the family via Facebook (as he claims his partner is doing now), or asked around the other parents to see if they had a contact number.

And it's not like they forgot the party or had an illness or emergency to deal with.

He just asked his son on the day if he wanted to go or not, and let the other family down without a second thought.

If that were us I would think that he was rude and his child was spoilt, and that all of them were selfish.

I wouldn't invoice them, but I wouldn't be in any sort of hurry to invite them to anything else in the future.

He's created this issue, by being selfish enough to let someone spend a lot of money on his child and then drop out without warning or apology. It takes time and money to plan a party like this, and with limited spaces every no-show is a let down for the child whose party it is.

And the other mother has had the balls to call him out on his behaviour in quite a direct way.

I don't believe she expects him to pay the bill, but I do think she used it to prove the point that he had cost her a lot of money and let her child down.

And now he's driving around at work telling anybody who will listen that she's done this and gone running to the press and the media.

He's an arse.