AIBU to feel really not want to go?

[Allstoppedup]

Yep, sorry another wedding one!

We've been invited to the wedding of DPs two friends this year. The friends live local to us but are having their wedding quite a distance away from us, (as is totally their choice!) it's not abroad but in a fairly popular UK holiday destination in summer season (£££).

DP and I don't drive and have a DS who will be 18m and now have to arrange travel and overnight accommodation in order to attend. I feel a bit guilty saying anything/ suggesting we don't go, as my family live at the opposite side of the country so a few times a year we spend a chunk of money travelling to see them. I was also a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding last year and we had to travel quite far for that (although the bride and groom paid for all bridesmaids to stay in the hotel they married in, we got a lift down and we made a holiday of it by staying with my family for a few days)

I am a SAHM and DP works hard but our general household income is fairly small and I feel really annoyed about having to spend so much of our limited money on this.

To further add to the strain, a few weeks after this wedding we are due to go on holiday (again in the UK) with DPs family. MIL is covering the bulk of the cost as it has been booked for a big birthday celebration. It would have been much nicer to have any spare money to use during this long weekend but now I just feel like we really have to scrimp and save just to have a tiny amount for this.

Now I've written this it's more of a WWYD than AIBU but I think it might just be more of a rant than anything!

I just wouldn't go , they don't sound like particularly close friends .

Don't go. They have chosen to have venue that incurs costs to their guests.which as you say is their choice. they just have to accept that some people won't be able to afford to attend.

If you husband wants you to go I think you would be unreasonable given what you say about your friends wedding and family visits.

I'd research it and see how much it would cost for a) DP to attend on his own or b) for you all to attend as a family, then he can make an informed decision about how important it is to him to go.

One idea as it's a holiday venue, could you cut accomodation costs by looking at self catering, would be cheaper than a hotel.

My advice. Just let him get on with it. When he realises that he is going to have to plan and book it, it might be too late anyway and you can point out the money is being taken away from the holiday spends with his family a few weeks later. You only have so much spare cash, if it is taken up with family stuff then some friend stuff has to go.

Its only fair he should get to visit his friends and go to the wedding.

They live locally, it's not like he never sees them.

Is it possible to minimise costs, e.g. travel by coach and stay in a Travelodge or similar?

Could you go there for your holiday and take a day out of your holiday for the wedding

Thanks again, it's good to see both sides.

Unfortunately couldn't combine the two as a holiday, our other holiday location has been booked by MIL for a big family birthday although that would have been a nice idea highway

Spoke to DP who was typically none committal and said he wasn't sure what he wanted to do...so no real progress there but I'd say certainly doesn't sound over enthusiastic!

To the poster who said about good friends not having to meet DS to be good friends- I 100% agree, I have friends who love far away from us who have yet to meet him but they text/sent cards/ acknowledged his birth. In this case they are local to us but aren't the type of 'close' to have done that. Not to say that they aren't friends- just not close friends.

Ok if DP is non commital, might be worth pricing it out just to get a definitive yay or nay. I suspect given the cost as train/coach plus at least one nights hotel will easily cost £200+ the answer will be no.
Then you can ask them out for a nice dinner instead or have them round and they can meet your DS!