how would you feel?

[rubypearl]

so long story short i have two kids with a man who I have been on and off for 14 years. my youngest is two. he has never paid child support - in fact over the years i have supported him more. he has been abusive in the past which has always stopped me from fully committing to him.
over the summer he came to stay a few times and wanted to be a family. we had a huge argument at the end of the summer and have had no contact. nothing for the kids either.
today i have found out he has a newborn! conceived when he was in and out of our home.
I am furious that he never told me or my kids, my oldest is 10. we found out via his 15 year old from another previous relationship.
in the summer he was depressed that he had no work and sob storied to me that he was practically homeless and was annoyed that we have a nice house!
how would you feel? it is the final nail in the coffin for him for me - but I am SO ANGRY!!!

OP, I know it doesn't feel like it but this could be the wake up call you needed. Ditch this loser for good l. I'm guessing Your "on off" relationship has Stopped you from forming a healthy relationship with a man who will look after you and treat you (and your kids) with the love and respect that you deserve.
Have some self respect, don't let him back into your life and file a claim with the CSA. You and your kids deserve better.

i think it is obvious already he is not bothered so he will never go to court - yep will cut all ties and look after my babies x

and try to resist ranting off to him in messages ! !!!!

it has been a huge wake up call - i stupidly (through his lies and charm) never thought he could be so devious

turn every negative into a positive - easier said then done I know when you feel so low. You're not lonely, you're free. He's not been in touch - good you get to make all the decisions.You're not crap you're coping ,he's irresponsible - draining. It's going to be bloody hard but not as hard as it would be if he were around dragging you down, chipping away at your confidence making you feel safe and loved but fakely- cos that's all we want AND the dickheads know it - but shakey foundations = shakey structures= don't last

are they men out there like that?? that actually look after you? nope never been anywhere near one!

think I will learn to live that i am better off on my own