To be scared about moving house to a new area this week?

[Halifordian]

I think I just need a good talking to. DH and I are moving to a pretty, small town having lived in London for 18 years. I'm waking up in the night worried about how to find friends, find groups etc .

I'm pretty sociable and not shy, but I'm terrified about becoming isolated. Has anyone on here ever started again in a new place?

Thanks in advance x

Me! Best thing we ever did. I was like you, really nervous. We loved our london neighbourhood but its so much better here. We have great neighbours and its a wonderful community.

Go out and about as soon as you arrive and get involved. It won't take long.

Libraries, local shops and church notice boards have all the information about local stuff.

You'll be fine.

We've moved completely a few times, and currently live in a pretty, small, town.

You need to talk to, and be friendly to, everyone. Will you be working?

Ask people for recommendations about hairdressers or whatever as people like to chat about that, even down to which is the best chippy (if theres a choice).

If theres a library, go there and usually all the local groups will have posters up. If you have a lo, then lurking in the childrens section is a good way to chat.

Depending on where the town is, remember not to harp on about all the great things in London, or to criticise things like the hunt meet/ people pheasant shooting/ the smell of spring onions in harvesting season (may be peculiar to my town, but its part of who it is and vital to local economy).

Spend your money locally when you can, and try not to be one of 'those townies' who do everything in nearbybigcity. Give the local shops a try over chains, participate in local events, give the community cinema a try - in other words, embrace your move.

Don't have anything to add other than that I am super jealous! I hope the move goes smoothly and I'm sure you'll soon settle in. Good luck ??

Are you moving from Islington?

Moving from East London. Thanks for all the help and suggestions. I Guess I'm just anxious that "no one will like me" - a bit like school!

Yes that's pathetic, I know

I hated London when I lived in it, but I did sort of mourn it when I left to live somewhere much quieter. I was still very glad to have moved, and have never regretted it, but do be ready to miss things like having everything you need just round the corner, etc.

Making proper friends takes a couple of years IMO, so don't panic if you don't have a best buddy within a couple of months. But get on with meeting people ASAP as having acquaintances is the best way to find friends, and keeps you busy in the meantime.

If you have children then you will quickly get involved in things and meet people. If you don't have children then it will take a bit more effort.

You need to get involved with local activities. Sports, choirs, amdram, whatever you are interested in. As a pp said, it takes a while to feel embedded in a new community. We moved to a village 10 years ago and it was about 3 years before I felt that we had made true friends rather than acquaintances - and that was with primary school aged children.

Watching your post eagerly. Am just in process of applying for job which would see us make a similar move. It is something I have wanted to do for ages, but now its a real possibility am suddenly scared! Good luck!

Yes we moved from London to a small town.

It coincided with us having small dc so I don't know if I would have encountered similar issues anyway. But I have found it hard to make friends. It took longer than I thought.

One of the main differences for me is that it's such a small place. Everybody is connected in some way so you do have to be really careful about what you say and maintaining confidentiality, even if you don't think that person would be bothered by you sharing a story or you don't think they know the person. Things get passed on, exaggerated and it can come back to you negatively. Also if you do have a run in with someone try and keep your cool and deal with it as calmly as you can because unlike London where you'll probably never see them again, here you'll see them every day forever it seems.

Personally I find it easier to make friends doing activities/courses/jobs for myself rather than at the school gate. That way you're with other people for a few hours and have a chance to get to know them. I have a friend who was much more active about joining in with things than me and I would say she has settled more successfully than I have. She does choir, book group, running club, church, helps out at toddler group. But I've always worked so not had as much time.

I am on good terms with the parents of my dc's friends. But I find a lot of them already have friends and aren't that interested in making time for new ones. As such they're more acquaintances really but they're all very pleasant.

All in all it's been a great move for the dc. To them it's home and they do fine at school with friends etc. I have a few really good friends now but it has taken several years. Mine are from a toddler group, a college course and a job. I'm lucky in that I was able to maintain friendships with people I knew in London as well as we're not too far away.

I'm sure you will be fine. I hope I haven't made you feel worse. I was trying to give you tips more than anything. Be pleasant, friendly, join in lots of things, have a strong backbone (because you will encounter people who are difficult) and keep going! Good luck.

I love all your replies, feeling a bit braver now. We're hoping to start a family soon but at present its just dh and me.

We're moving to Haslemere, which seems to have AmDram etc, so will try and dive in!

I moved from London to Chester 4 years ago now. It was really scary. But I have some lovely friends up here now! Having children is an easy way to make friends, but other things like drama club, fitness classes etc are all great for making friends.

Tbh I dint think I could go bavk now x

We also have moved to Haslemere from East London! It's a lovely town, I am sure you will settle in well. PM me if you need any specific info and good luck with the move :-)

Thanks Wasabi, I'll be in touch.

Surrounded by boxes, happy and excited now. Really good advice above, thank you again.