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To think what the hell is wrong with me!

3 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/01/2015 00:37

I have a few "friends", all of them from college that I met over a decade ago. None of which I see much and apart from one of them that I have been really close to for the last couple of years seeing each other most days. I was her bridesmaid not so long ago. This had fizzled out recently as I get the feeling she's in the early stages of phasing me out so that's the end of that. She's had a really bad time recently and I've been there for her more than anyone. She obviously wasn't worth my timeAngry I'm angry at myself for investing so much in the friendship as I knew all along that if the shoe was on the other foot she definately wouldn't have been there for me.

I'm just wondering, what the hell is wrong with me?!
I have made zero friendships in my whole adult life, I feel like I'm incapable of doing so!
Around new people I'm quiet, I seem to have nothing interesting to say, I'm pretty sure I come across a bit thick sometimes. Totally different to how I am when you get to know me.

OP posts:
MoreThanAWoman · 18/01/2015 00:45

Hey you,

I am quite similar I don't have many friends. TBH I've got one real friend who I've known forever. I moved away from my home town and that was the only friendship I had that lasted over the years. When I moved back everyone's life had moved on and we had all drifted apart. Since then I've never really met anyone else I would call a real friend. It can be very lonely.
I am sorry your friend didn't value or appreciate your friendship but it sounds like she isn't worth it. Maybe she is staying away from you as you remind her of things she wants to forget?
I don't know what advice to give you as I am not having much luck myself in making and maintaining friendships.
I just wanted you to know you are not alone x

justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/01/2015 01:16

Thanks. Nice to know I'm not the only one. I wasn't there during what led to the bad times for her. I visited her in hospital and when she went home when no one else would as they didn't know what to say to her.
I'm just seems like an impossible task to make new friends.

OP posts:
editthis · 18/01/2015 19:27

I'm sorry you feel this way. A lot of people feel like you when they meet new people, as though they have nothing very much to say, but I think if you are always kind and smile a lot people will come to you.

But you also have to put the effort in yourself: if you feel you're getting on with someone you meet (at a playgroup, a hobby group, wherever), suggest you meet again for coffee. It's easier if you have children; people might be freaked out if you did this after bumping into them once at the supermarket, but if you see someone a couple of times and feel you have a connection there's no reason why you shouldn't suggest meeting up, or going on for a drink immediately, for instance (so you don't stew about it). It's nerve-wracking, it's like a first date, but one in five times it might just pay dividends. There's no shame in not getting along with everyone.

Don't be too kind. True friends won't take advantage of you. And remember everyone loves to talk about themselves, so ask lots of questions (about their children, their career, where they studied, how they met their husband, what their new year's resolutions are) and listen to the answers.

Do things that you enjoy (whether that's a swimming class with your baby, or knitting club, or water skiing) and you'll meet like-minded people, and you'll also always have something to talk about.

Good luck. You don't need many friends and life's too short to worry about what people think of you when you put yourself out there (hate that phrase, sorry... But not sure how else to put it!). Be bold, be interested, be kind.

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