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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I may be slightly overtired

26 replies

Bumpedbonce · 17/01/2015 17:27

I only ever seem to post things on here when I'm having a moan.

I work shifts, at the moment because there is no available childcare and because we both work shifts my Dh and I work opposite each other but due to how things rotate he never has to look after our youngest who is 20 months after a night shift. I have done 5 shifts so far this week all lates and nights working 11 hours overtime in 3 days. I'm already worn out and have 2 more night shifts to go. He's on earlies starting at 7 on his 2nd shift with 2 more to go and he's due to go away next week for 3 days.

To make matters more fun we use cloth nappies too. Last night I got several texts complaining the youngest kept waking him up. I sympathised bit there wasn't much I could do. I finished at 5 and when I got in I wasn't quite ready to go straight off to sleep. I made him his lunch for work and took him some breakfast and a cup of tea getting into the bedroom when he should be waking up. He had been complaining to his parents about struggling with his shifts so they have got him a daylight alarm clock. His alarm had already gone off. He was awake but hit snooze, twice. Then the baby woke earlier than normal just after he left, 6.15. When I picked her up I discovered she was freezing cold and soaked through the paper liner was out of her nappy transferring pee onto her clothes. I had to strip her bed as well. She wouldn't have her nap until midday.

How can I get Dh to understand that his actions are having massive consequences for me

OP posts:
esiotrot2015 · 17/01/2015 17:28

It all sounds hideous

Give yourself a break & use disposables

esiotrot2015 · 17/01/2015 17:29

So you work all night , get in at 5am & he starts at 7am ?
When do you sleep ?
Have you looked into all options re childcare costs?

lollipoppi · 17/01/2015 17:29

That sounds hard.

So when you get home from a night shift And baby wakes, when do you sleep??

formerbabe · 17/01/2015 17:43

In the situation of you both working shifts, then you need to make life as easy as possible...why are you using cloth nappies?...get yourself some disposables for the time being.

Original poster
Bumpedbonce · 17/01/2015 17:46

I only sleep till she wakes and when she goes for her nap. Her skin is reactive to disposables as well so it turns out cloth is the best option for her. There is no childcare available for our shifts. She goes to nursery on a Friday.
Short of booby trapping him and setting several alarms around the house to go off all night how can I get him to understand he's being an arse?

OP posts:
antimatter · 17/01/2015 17:51

Don't make him lunches, breakfasts and look after yourself first.
Get a relaxation app or cd to listen to so you can have short naps whenever possible to catch up on your sleep.

formerbabe · 17/01/2015 17:53

Oh that is different then if she has skin issues. It sounds like a difficult situation...you have my sympathy. How long will it continue like this for you or is it temporary?

Purplepoodle · 17/01/2015 17:56

Can't u put her into daycare everyday so whoever on night gets some sleep

Original poster
Bumpedbonce · 17/01/2015 18:00

We can't do everyday at nursery, it's too expensive, the main problem is the weekends and we do get separate days off during the week so there's only 6 horrendous days like this a month. I just can't get him to understand how inconsiderate he's been

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumpedbonce · 17/01/2015 18:01

It's going to be like this till one of us changes job but I can't see that happening for a long time

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 17/01/2015 18:05

Stop making him cups of tea and breakfast for a start!

bettyboop1970 · 17/01/2015 18:05

Crickey, you deserve a medal! Give him a stern talking to. Can any family members help you out?

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 17/01/2015 18:09

I'm not sure what your DH did wrong?

But it sounds pretty exhausting for both of you.

Original poster
Bumpedbonce · 17/01/2015 18:11

No family in the area, my dp are dead, pil are 200 miles away, which is nice and my sisters all live hours away. I'm just feeling sorry for myself especially as he's home doing the martyr act as I'm in bed while he's cooking dinner. Lots of 'I'm coming baby I'll be there soon' I did try and talk to him and got eye rolling, huffing and some 'fine thens'. I don't think a court in the land would convict right now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumpedbonce · 17/01/2015 18:14

Sorry clean to clarify, he put her nappy on so that it leaked all night causing the baby to wake 30 minutes after I got into bed, he kept putting his alarm on snooze when I got into bed knowing that at best I would be having 2 1/2 hours sleep. There is more but it's annoying and I can't tell if it's tiredness making me irrational or just that he is an inconsiderate selfish arse

OP posts:
addictedtosugar · 17/01/2015 18:18

If a permanent extra nursery day is too much, and this run of 6 bad days is only once a month, could you see if Nursery have the occasional day they could take her ad hoc?
So our nursery often has the odd space, and you can book DC in for a one off. In the middle of this block of 6 days, might that give you enough of a break to get through the rest of the continuous block?

wrt DH. Tough. I'd say the alarm clock has to be no snooze when the other needs to be sleeping. Hopefully the nappy liner was a one off, and now you know about it, it can be checked if it happens again. Or better still when the nappy goes on??

addictedtosugar · 17/01/2015 18:19

Oh, and to answer your latest post, your shattered, but no way irrational.
He is being an total arse.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 17/01/2015 18:20

So the baby kept waking him up during the night and he didn't bother to check and change her nappy? Well there's the reason he's tired right there Confused.

OnlyLovers · 17/01/2015 18:20

he's home doing the martyr act as I'm in bed while he's cooking dinner.

But he's in bed while you make his breakfast and lunch.

Sounds like you're supporting him more than he's supporting you. I don't have any advice, I'm afraid, but maybe you could just tell him you're both working hard and he has to raise his game a bit.

And I agree with PPs: stop making his breakfast and lunches for him!

Original poster
Bumpedbonce · 17/01/2015 19:22

Well it's been lovely but off to work I must go

OP posts:
Sazzle41 · 17/01/2015 20:15

If its only a 6 day block can you batch cook some meals ahead of those days and he can just reheat evening meal in microwave in 5mins flat? Surely he can manage his breakfast and lunch? Also as other poster say, do look into ad hoc days with a local child minder or nursery. My neighbour has her little one in nursery ad hoc 1 day a week just for a break whenever she needs to. As for cloth napppies, which type do you use? The newer fleece ones are supposed to be way better than the cotton ones for ease of washing , quicker drying and absorbing moisture.

TeddyBee · 17/01/2015 20:26

Nappies sounds like a one off, and just a reminder to check that the liner is in properly is needed. My husband forgets to check the whole nappy is covered by the wrap sometimes and it drives me mad. But i find them no more work than disposables normally. The rest of it though sounds awful. I think you need to sit down (after you've both had some sleep) and work out what it's fair for you both to do. When I haven't slept much I find myself raging internally at my DH, thinking he's a lazy git who does nothing. Then if I think about it, he actually does quite a lot. But he's also totally thoughtless so unless I say to him 'I need you to hold the baby while I take a shower' or 'if your alarm goes off repeatedly it keeps me awake' he doesn't think of it. Honesty and a lot of 'when you do x I feel y' needed.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 17/01/2015 20:42

Sounds horrific all round.

You need to start prioritizing your sleep and stop being so accommodating of your dh. You will make yourself ill if you don't get enough sleep and that's no good for you or your children. You dh is not being fair to you.

I work nights and used to have to stay awake for much of the day with one dses, it was hell. Looking back I have no clue how I coped, I certainly would never do it again. My dh was very supportive but it was still tough.

Original poster
Bumpedbonce · 18/01/2015 12:59

Well I made it through last night, only 1 1/2 hours late home so didn't really sleep this morning and she hasn't gone back off to sleep yet. Only one more shift to go.

Sazzle, why are you suggesting I should make his life easier by batch cooking his evening meal? We all need to eat and he can cook just as well as I can

OP posts:
FabULouse · 18/01/2015 13:03

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