To move out?

[honeycherrychoc]

Relationship is fine. However relations between our respective DDs are not fine and obviously this puts a huge strain on everybody.

I am seriously wondering if moving out even temporarily is for the best.

Thoughts?

How old are these DD's?
How bad are the conflicts?

My DDs are 16 and 12.

His - 15.

The conflicts themselves are not terrible outwardly at any rate. It's more the general tense, unhappy atmosphere it creates. Lots of sniping, tale telling, accusations, lies, rumours, and so on.

It's difficult to say really, there's not a lot of info. What sort of things are happening?

sorry, x-post.

Do you and your partner have an agreed strategy how to manage them and apply it fairly to all children?

How long have you all been living together?

Since the summer.

No agreed strategy. Quite hard to have an agreed strategy as some things have been unpredictable.

It is difficult to change the 'family position' of children (there are two 'eldests' there I take it?).
They ARE of an age where changing established patterns can be more reasoned through though.
The atmosphere, whilst uncomfortable, doesn't sound too untoward for that age group being thrown together.
It sounds tough. How long has it been?
(Light hearted) They'd hate it. But some sort of team building. Maybe they'd unite in their parental despair.

I'm not sure team building would be helpful, but thank you.

Essentially the girls don't get on and find it difficult being (as they see it) in each others' pockets.

How long have you and sh been together? Do the dc share a room? Is there no common ground?

They don't share a room.

We have been together for two years.

There is plenty of common ground - this is the problem as they compete for friends, boyfriends, space, money.

It is difficult.

Possibly chase but nonetheless they aren't biological siblings and they aren't girls who have been raised as such either (for example having been in the same house since pre school.)

Chase - Apologies, I'm not clear as to what your meaning is. Could you clarify?

Unfortunately chase it isn't quite that straightforward and the DDs - all of them - are very unhappy living together.

To go to the cinema on my own? Nothing else on that I want to see, woman in black 2 is on at 10.20... Had a really crap couple of days, including a break up, and want to get out of the house. All my friends are busy, as this is last minute.com

A) will it scare the shit out of me?
B) will I be judged by other cinema goers??

Opps, sorry, I have jumped in on your post accidentally! Many apologies...

I am of the opinion that holding "The Family" together no matter how miserable and conflicted the individuals within it are is never the right thing. I think too much emphasis is put on The Family as an ideal and much unhappiness can result.

You and your DP fell in love, your children didn't. I don't think couple relationships should come before children's unhappiness.

You know your children OP, only you can know if this is a temporary thing or with work it could be overcome.

What does your DP think? Tbh you sound like you've already made your mind up that this is what you want.

I'm no expert on these things but find both my teenagers like to spend time with a parent who is giving undivided attention. eg take dd shopping for a day. If they seem miserable perhaps you need to spend some time with yours, and your partner some time with his/hers. You cant make them like each other but you could remind them they are all still loved by their own parent.