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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know how or relish telling a 21yr old she has Body Odour

33 replies

HeffalumpsnWoozles · 17/01/2015 12:55

We work in an environment that gets very hot during the warmer months, not unusual to reach the high 90's. A young girl works for us & a few of the staff complained amongst themselves that she had terrible body odour, which was made all the more noticeable & unbearable as they work in close proximity to each other.

Nobody said anything to me or our Assistant Manager at the time & it only came to light the following winter as she smelt just as much as she had in the summer. Tactfully gave her extra uniform in the hope she would change clothing more frequently, no idea if she did change daily or not as clothes looked the same so no way of telling?

Anyway I mentioned it to HR in the hope of getting some tips on how not to crush the poor girl, and was told just to tell her she smells & needs to wash/change/use deodorant more frequently. I know that's what needs to happen but she will be so upset she may not be able to face her colleagues again.

I've seen her Twitter & she sometimes posts about lovely relaxing baths so it's not as though she never washes. She is often tired as she likes to party hard at weekends so maybe doesn't get up in time to shower on a weekday? Sometimes doesn't brush her hair or bother with make up but when off out scrubs up like any 21yr old.

Any suggestions? I know I have to do it but don't want to knock her confidence.

OP posts:

LongDistanceLove · 17/01/2015 13:05

I've had this conversation with a member of staff, it is awkward it really is. I just started out by saying it was going to be awkward, but I have to raise it, and started talking about deodorants and how some work and some don't and the conversation went on from there.

Just make sure you do it at the end of the work day.

Branleuse · 17/01/2015 13:07

you cant make it nice, but you can make it discreet. She needs to know she needs to wash, use deodorant and wash her actual clothes regularly too

LadyLuck10 · 17/01/2015 13:08

The only way to tackle this is to tell the person directly because subtle hints would just not be caught.
I worked with someone like this and no amount of addressing everyone on hygiene, being subtle was picked up by this person. It's awkward but it needs to be done.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 17/01/2015 13:19

I'd just be blunt.

No point messing about. Obviously still be kind.

Eg. It's been mentioned to me that you seem to have a problem with BO. Can I ask if it's a medical issue and if there's anything we can do to help?

If not suggest showering everyday and better deoderant.

Original poster

HeffalumpsnWoozles · 17/01/2015 13:33

Thanks, I will go the route of possible medical condition & leave it until a Friday afternoon just before we finish for the day so at least she will have the weekend to do any washing & hopefully any embarrassment will have faded.

We've tried in the past having a chat with all staff about the importance of cleanliness, didn't make a jot of difference to the minority with the actual problem. I'm cringing just thinking about it

OP posts:

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 17/01/2015 13:34

That's kind of what I mean. No point being general - you need to be clear it's a problem she has rather then a problem others might have.

Is there a shower at work ?

Original poster

HeffalumpsnWoozles · 17/01/2015 13:39

No showers & wouldn't be able to have any installed (have asked some years ago) but we do have a large restroom where she can have a quick wash or use wipes under arms and change her top as we provide enough for a weeks wear.

OP posts:

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 17/01/2015 13:40

Might be an idea to suggest that the.

Bearleigh · 17/01/2015 13:55

Tricky... I've had this dilemma 3 times.

No.1 HR dealt with - and I think that's easiest - frankly it's their job not yours.

Next time, different workplace, we had no HR, and the recipient was grateful and got some deodorant, and all was well.

Third time, different workplace, the smelly one had been told a number of times but she's a bit thick skinned, so didn't realise the importance - she also cycled in and we didn't have a shower. She received it well at first & I gave her tips on best deodorant (Mitchum!) then we got a shower - not because of her, but she didn't believe it, and thought she was till felt to be smelly. She blamed me and hasn't really spoken since.

If you have to do it, you've just got to grasp the nettle, be gentle and understanding. You are doing them a favour - they may be held back in all sorts of ways, not just at work.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 17/01/2015 14:22

I've had to do this at work several times, as well as telling someone they have bad breath and telling someone else their perfume was too overpowering.

Friday afternoons are best. Call her in and say you have to talk to her about something, it's going to be uncomfortable for both of you. Tell her in plain language - "you have a very noticeable body odour. I'm not sure if it's coming from your clothes or your body but the odour is definitely coming from you". Depending on how they react you could ask if they have any medical conditions, offer time off to attend a doctor's appointment if they think they might need one, discuss washing their body every day, effective deodorants and ensuring clothes are laundered regularly. End the conversation by saying you realise this will have been difficult to hear and they can take the rest of the afternoon off. On Monday morning just a very quick "morning, how are you, everything okay?"

I feel for you, it's difficult. Thankfully I've never had to have anyone in a second time.

TattyDevine · 17/01/2015 14:25

"you need to be clear it's a problem she has rather then a problem others might have"

This is blatantly not true though is it. She clearly has no problem with it, its other people who have the problem.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 17/01/2015 14:30

I didn't mean it like that.

I meant that if you give a general talk she might assume it's about someone else rather than her.

And yes other people clearly do have the problem but at work no one should have to put up with someone else's BO.

My old work had a policy about it actually. If someone refused to do anything about it to the detriment of their colleagues they could be disciplined.

defineme · 17/01/2015 14:34

BO can stay on clothes through washing. ..she may need to put washing liquid or spray directly onto armpits of clothes before washing them.

TattyDevine · 17/01/2015 14:35

Oh I see what you mean, we are talking about you, not an address everyone about it kind of thing.

I think this is a really tricky topic.

We are basically telling someone that it is not acceptable to smell as nature intended and that they have to put chemicals on their skin whether they want to or not.

Assuming they aren't already doing so and finding it doesn't work on them as it does on others.

I realise of course that its not necessarily fair on others to have to smell BO on a person if they don't like it, which is why its one of those tricky conversations in life!

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 17/01/2015 14:40

As nature intended is one thing , I'm not sure bad BO is quite on that category though.

I used to work with someone with bad BO (it was medical) and she always asked us to tell her if it was getting bad so she could wash/change her shirt or something. This woman might feel the same.

I'd want to know if it were me. A lovely friend one told me I had bad breath by shoving a mint in my mouth and saying "coffee breath this should fix it"

I was but glad shed said. I'm not suggesting OP uses that approach though.

TedAndLola · 17/01/2015 14:41

The one thing I would avoid is telling her that her colleagues have complained about it. You don't want her thinking that people have been insulting her behind her back and that her colleagues don't like her.

I think you need to speak matter of factly. "This isn't a pleasant thing to say to you but sometimes you have a bad smell. People are generally unaware of their own smell so you probably don't notice it. It's usually just because people don't wash enough or don't use effective soaps / deodrants, or in some cases it can be a medical problem. I use _ deodrant and find it works really well, and I also shower daily and make sure to scrub my armpits and sweaty places with a nice smelling shower gel." etc...

I would also end the conversation by saying you won't mention this again unless it doesn't get sorted, and although it's been embarrassing for both of you, you hope it won't affect your working relationship. Or something like that.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 17/01/2015 14:42

My reason for bluntness is more that if you appear embarrassed it gives the impression that there's something to feel embarrassed about IYSWIM.

Rather just put it out there and suggest ways of dealing with it.

JihadLewis · 17/01/2015 14:46

Hm.

Do bad smells really affect others to such an extent?

I smell a variety of odours including garlic, body odour and bad breath and to be honest it wouldn't occur to me to say anything unless (say) I was the manager of the company and it was off putting to clients.

I know I'm in a mumsnet minority but it's just a smell!

TattyDevine · 17/01/2015 14:53

I'm a bit the same JihadLewis - I used to work with some blokes that were a bit on the nose. I don't know if its because they didn't wash as often or use commercial products, or if it was because they were more prone to it. Either way, the problem wasn't theirs, it was mine (except it wasn't really, I just accepted it and got on with it). We are not talking about anyone smelling of dead animals here, just BO with its distinctive musky oniony bouquet

TedAndLola · 17/01/2015 14:54

I'm actually with JihadLewis. I work with two colleagues who constantly have bad breath, and one recently left who always smelled of stale sweat. I just avoid getting in their line-of-breath or breathe through my mouth if they're too close. In both cases I'm pretty sure it's a medical problem and not a lack of hygiene and if their wives haven't complained, I'm certainly not going to. They are both client-facing but we've never had complaints from clients. I think people are generally pretty understanding.

But in this case other colleagues have complained, and I think it needs to be tackled to avoid one of them confronting her in public and embarrassing her.

TattyDevine · 17/01/2015 14:56

Actually my old boss clearly had hyperhidrosis or whatever its called - so not only would he have massive wet patches under his arms but his hair would be wet with sweat and his face would drip. He smelled a bit in that it was obvious he was sweating, but he obviously showered each morning as it wasn't stale sweat, just fresh sweat. Not a jot he could have done about it - he used Mitchum which is one of the stronger anti-perspirants (I saw it in our office) so what can you do? I realise it may be different with the girl in the OP.

TattyDevine · 17/01/2015 14:57

In summer his back would go translucent because his shirt would stick to it

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 17/01/2015 14:58

I think the kindest way is to be matter of fact in manner but go down the "I think your deodorant may be letting you down" route, perhaps also suggest that maybe her clothes washing liquid/powder might be the culprit because you know from your own experience that sometimes clothes can be washed but still retain a slight odour. rather than the please bathe and use deodorant and wash your clothes better route, which would be humiliating.

And yes, jihadlewis, just my opinion of course, but I think horrible smells can affect others a lot. BO is such a revolting smell, isn't it. It can make you feel quite ill. I know there are conditions that mean it is unavoidable and in those cases of course you just deal with it. But if it is just a question of personal hygiene then I don't think one person's right to stink is more important that a load of people's right to not have to smell it.

WipsGlitter · 17/01/2015 14:58

My colleague (male) seems to struggle to regulate his body temp. He's always putting on / taking off jumpers. In the summer he gets huge sweat stains and can be a bit smelly. I've already had to ask he puts his motorbike gear in another room as it's so stinky.

JihadLewis · 17/01/2015 15:00

Plus I've no idea if it's necessary because of the work but in such high temperatures well - a sweaty smell is surely par for the course?

I'm not a specially stinky person but regardless of how many showers someone takes I can quite see how they might risk the effectiveness of their deodorant!

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