to complain to school about how they dealt with incident

[louay1]

my dd1 started high school in sept and is 12. at the beginning of the school year she experienced some difficulties with another young lad at the school where he was stabbing her with a compass. i complained to the school the first time he did it and all the children that were involved were spoken to the next day and asked to give their version of events, nothing happened to the child who had stabbed my daughter other than a verbal warning. he then did it to her the same day as being given the verbal warning so complained again to the school and again they were asked to give their version of events and that time the boy was punished put in detention, given behaviour points and i was informed he would not be allowed to get on the same bus as my dd as it had all happened on the bus.

fast forward a few months until thursday this boy and his friends were stood behind my dd in the bus line annoying her telling her to bite them, dds friends heard all of this. my dd stupidly in an effort to get them to leave her alone did bite one of them why i don't know am not very impressed with her behaviour one bit but that it not what i want to complain about. my issue is when dealing with this incident they have not followed the same procedure with my dd they have taken all the children into school and asked 2 boys what has happened they gave their version of events and then when my dd has been asked her version one of the boys has been interrupting and she has not been able to say anything and has been sent home and told they will speak to her the next day.

so on friday my dd went to school as normal she was in her form time and was taken out by her head of year and informed as a punishment she would receive the behaviour points and be put in isolation for the day. now i do not have an issue with the punishment as obviously she has bitten someone my issue is that not once has my dd been able to have her say about what has happened and obviously she has her friends that would be able to back up her story, i feel that they should have followed the same procedure as when my dd was the one that was hurt. i also have an issue with the fact that my dd was able to be hurt twice before the school took any proper action whereas my dd did it once and also if the school had actually done what they informed me they were going to do in stopping them from being on the same bus then this would never have happened.

i would also like to point out that this is the first time in her entire school career that my dd has been in trouble but the 2 boys with the going to the same primary school as my dd are well known trouble makers one was expelled numerous times from the primary school and was eventually not allowed to go back.

wibu to complain to the school as i do not feel that my daughter has been treated in the same way as what the boys were in regards to the first incident, once again i will state i do not intend to complain about the punishment as i have also punished her myself for it and she shouldn't have done it but i don't agree with how the school have dealt with it if that makes sense.

sorry for the long post

Next time tell her to kick them in the balls.

Teachers are rubbish about sorting out bullying and the bully's alway get off lightly.

There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself.

Louay1, I believe your daughter when she says reporting will make things worse. I think we all remember from our school days that sometimes reporting bullies does make it worse. Not just temporarily, but worse and worse until it is intolerable. I don't want to dampen your hopes, but I don't think the facts here are giving you any reason to be hopeful.

Here is what you know: this is a school where bullies can torment and pick on a child and reporting the bullies just makes the bullies escalate (I would absolutely believe your dd on that). All that inconsistent treatment you have reported in the OP, is a symptom of a school that doesn't have a handle on bullying whatsoever and the bullies know that. The bullies know that it is a safe space for them to continue bullying. You already said these bullies have form, they have long years of experience in how to be bullies and even suspensions/expulsions didn't stop them. They will not suddenly stop now. They have obviously sussed out that this is a high school where they will get away with it. They are already getting away with it, see, it is now your dd who is in trouble, not them. Now it is your dd who is losing her cool and ending up in detention, I bet the bullies think that is hilarious.

You are now in a situation where your dd will not report bullying because she is afraid it will make things worse - this is the line to go with to the school. If there is bullying going on and the dc are afraid to report it that is a problem they should address. You can't ride in to save your dd whenever she's targeted, instead you need to make sure she is in a school where she can report bullies without making the situation even more unsafe for herself.

Is there a teacher she trusts? Perhaps she could keep a notebook of incidents that the teacher gets to see and when the teacher thinks it's cumulatively unacceptable then the teacher would help deal with it? Lots of little things make your daughter react but in isolation she looks like the bad guy. If your daughter logged times and dates then the teacher could question her about them as they happen if necessary?