To want my own friends

[minginjean]

I have 5 friends, mix of male & female. Over Xmas we spoke of arranging a weekend away together with kids in tow. We booked today, all five friends with respective spouses and kids. We've only been away together once at my DS wedding 3 years ago. Very close friends.
Tonight my DH said he was speaking with his SIL & has invited them along (her, DH & 2 kids). Says he thought everyone was welcome.
I love his DB & SIL BUT...... She is 10 years younger than me & my friends & loves the drama. Always something worth crying over & can end up in a corner with me crying over any issue she has going on at just present time. I will make time to listen and sympathise/advise but am I very annoyed that DH invited them away with my group of friends because I feel I'm entitled to have a great weekend with my great friends without having to listen to SIL's tales of woe instead.
DH says I'm being a cow, and I do feel like I am, but I was really looking forward to a lovely weekend with my own friends without any 'drama".
We are all in our 40s, she is in her 20s

Of course you're not a cow! I'm not sure what he thinks he's playing at, asking his family without thinking of you, especially as it's you that'd be lumbered with your SIL. I'd be tempted to tell him to uninvite them pretty sharpish, because it's his cock up.

YANBU

If I was one of your friends I'd be mega pissed off that the drama queen had been invited. Your husband should uninvited them immediately!

Hmm. Your DH saying 'I thought everyone was welcome' seems a bit disingenuous. I mean, unless you are staying somewhere that has infinite bedrooms, he must KNOW that "everyone" can't come. And then he goes ahead and invites, not one of his friends, but his SIL, who coincidentally enough, is a right PITA for you, as well as being much younger than everyone else.

Could it be that he is somehow jealous of your friendship group? It just seems like an odd thing to do - almost sabotage. If he had invited his best friend along that would be understandable - he could legitimately claim he thought it was a 'friends' weekend, and also he (might) want someone on his team, since this group is your friends, not his (although I'm sure you all get on well and include him, etc). But instead he invites a much younger SIL? It's just....weird.

I think you need to talk to his and find out how he feels about the weekend and if there's something bothering him.

Yanbu

Does SiL know the friends? If not it seems a mad idea on your husband's part. When I was in my 20s I would have hated to go away with a group of people that much older who were very friendly with each other but not with me.

Yanbu. Is Dh close to his brother? Could this be him wanted to spend time with his db or feeling out of comfort zone with friends?

YANBU. New people into an already existing group completely changes the dynamic - sometimes for the better, but it doesn't sound like it in this case. Is there physically enough room for them, or are you staying in a hotel?

YANBU.

Won't your friends be annoyed as well? If I was going away for a weekend with some old chums I'd be mightily pissed off to find that someone I didn't know had been invited. It would change the whole dynamic of the group.

Your DH has cocked up here. Don't accept it. Get him to uninvite SIL pronto.

If he doesn't uninvite her, he gets to look after her. I wouldn't leave my friends to go sit in a corner to listen to a tale of woe.

It probably isn't sabotage, he probably just said it without thinking. I would be put out too. Can you say there aren't enough beds?

You are under no obligation to spend any time huddled in a corner with her. If she starts to whinge, just tell her to buck up and enjoy herself.

It would be outrageously rude to uninvite her though.

Thanks all, it's a hotel.
He gets on great with his brother & honestly thought there would be no problem inviting them. He doesn't really see/hear the tales of woe so didn't know it would be a issue.
The gang have been friends 20 years so actually our friends now rather than solely mine and so they would know DB & SIL.
He has said he will uninvite them