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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To carry on even if he's not very good?

50 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 16/01/2015 22:00

This might sound really mean.

I took ds to football coaching a couple of years ago but he hated it so I gave in after a few weeks.

For ages now he has been asking to go back to football and I finally found a different one that fits in with other clubs, work and stuff.

He's been once and said he really enjoyed it. But from watching I felt so sorry for him, he seems to be really behind the other kids. During the game he just ran up and down doing air kicks. He was a bit better at the skills stuff but many times he wasn't doing what he was supposed to be and I could see he kept looking at the others for reassurance.

He told me that he isn't very good and couldn't get the ball but enjoyed it all the same and wants to go again. I of course said he did great and said that he'll get better and better with practice.

Tell me it will build his confidence and not knock it. As someone who hates competitive sports and found PE at school horrendous I really want him to have more confidence than me.

Tell me

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheep · 16/01/2015 22:45

while he's loving it carry on - he'll let you know if he's had enough

DD2 gets very fretful before a match (often coming on 5 mins late) due to tears (it's getting better) but she would never want to not play - as long as they want to - let them - it's fun

I also hated team sports as a kid - I always felt I let everyone down - even as an adult I returned to playing Nett ball but didn't enjoy it for the same reasons but my kids thrive on it

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 16/01/2015 22:53

That's how I felt at school, I actually wasn't too bad at netball, but will never forget one 'friend' who constantly screamed at me how crap I was during every game. I shudder to think of my PE days.

But ds isn't me, and as you say, if football isn't his thing in the end there's plenty of other things he can try.

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Ilovehamabeads · 16/01/2015 23:00

My DS is 7. He joined a local team at 6, all the other boys had been there since 5 and the difference in ability between them and him was painful for me to watch. He pretty much did as your DS, and would just run around in a bubble, not quite comprehending the actual game. A year later and he's one of the best players. Give your DS time to settle in and learn some skills, he might surprise you. He might decide himself he doesn't like it either, but don't write him off just yet.

SanityClause · 16/01/2015 23:08

I have been taking DS to rugby for six seasons, now. He isn't very good, but he loves it.

He's improving a lot, though, and sometimes plays in the B team for his school, which for him, is a big achievement (he usually plays with the C team, and there is also a D team).

Your DS will never get better without practise.

Altinkum · 16/01/2015 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SorchaN · 16/01/2015 23:12

My eldest was never very good at sporty things. She was always very clumsy and seemed hopelessly outclassed by the other kids. But she wanted to play rugby so we took her to training. Turns out she has dyspraxia, which explains the clumsiness, and means it takes her much longer than average to learn to do physical things like throwing and catching. But I read that sport is one of the best things to do to help with dyspraxia, and she enjoys it, so it's all good.

Last year her school had a kind of open sports day where kids and parents could come along and briefly try out some new sports. One of the sports was rugby which, of course, she's been playing. Compared with the other kids trying out (who had never held a rugby ball before) she was brilliant - didn't drop the ball once, and all her throws were just right. The boys in her class were dropping the ball all over the place. Of course, she had an advantage, but it did demonstrate to me that clumsy kids can learn eventually.

So if he's happy and enjoying it, he's probably learning and improving, even if it doesn't seem obvious at the moment.

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 23/01/2015 19:13

Well this week hasn't been very good.

Poor ds, he tried so hard this week, I could see he was really listening to what the coaches were saying, then when they were on the benches one of the boys wouldn't let ds sit next to him, he was opening his legs really wide and bumping ds off the edge of the bench. I couldn't exactly intervene at the time as they were over the other side of the pitch and another game was going on.

Then ds has come out crying as apparently when he was in goal one of the boys screamed at him that he's a crap goalie. I didn't see this happen but it's really upset ds.

All the way home he's kept asking why that boy was spiteful, saying how it's only his second time and it's not his fault that he's crap.

I've told ds he's not crap, that we can't always stop other people saying horrible things but we don't let them stop us doing what we want to do.

Trouble is he does stick out like a sore thumb, they're only year 2s but they are all pretty good whereas poor ds struggles to kick the ball. They're all so competitive for 6 year olds.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2015 19:17

Goodness he is only 6, really little, no if he wants to do it, so be it. In time he will get better and better I am sure. He will let you know if he does not want to do it anymore.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2015 19:20

Just read your update, mabey find another group for him to play with, or have a word with coach about the behaviour of the boys. It is bullying and should be dealt with swiftly. Yes in the grand scheme of things, he is only small, and still developing. Defintly have a word with the coach and tell him what you saw yourself.

grannytomine · 23/01/2015 19:34

Don't worry. I took my DGS to football when he was 6. His dad was working so I said I would video it, it was awful. I told everyone I had messed the video up as I thought his dad might kill himself if he saw it (dad is football mad.) Forward 2 years and he plays for a club, often gets man of the match, hard to remember that session when he was 6.

Hakluyt · 23/01/2015 19:35

Tell the coach. My Dp is a got all coach and they have zero tolerance for that sort of thing. If it doesn't stop find another club, because it means the coach condones it. Some of them do.

AalyaSecura · 23/01/2015 19:38

Mention it to the coach - you'll get a sense of whether it's an inclusive kind of club from how it's dealt with. Even if they don't challenge the other boy, they should make a deliberate effort to boost your son and keep an eye on it. There have been quite a lot of efforts into making junior football less competitive in recent years - only allowing friendlies, no leagues etc, with more emphasis on skills development, but clubs do vary in how much they buy into this (as do the parents ).

This age is a bit tricky, as the way the kids try to play makes it harder to develop the different skills needed in different positions. My ds tends to hang back a bit and observe, but at 7 is starting to find a role in defence where that is a strength. Your description of watching him is very familiar to what I would see about a year ago!

And if he wants to keep doing it, and gets better, he may not get to be as good as others in the club, but he will be able to hold his own when playing at school, amongst boys who don't go to a club. That has helped ds quite a bit.

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 23/01/2015 19:50

Thank all. Hmm see I wasn't sure whether it was worth mentioning to the coach or not. It's a toughy as unless they actually see it it's difficult to intervene and unlikely the kids will even remember doing it next week.

The flyer for the club said all abilities, but I do wonder watching as yes there's mixed abilities but ds literally struggles to kick the ball. I'm not putting him down at all. I could see the coaches were giving him extra help in the skills bit. As pp said I just want him to be able to gain enough skills to have a kick about in the playground without being picked on.

He used to go to a different group, they were reception kids but it was the same then and he ended up saying he didn't want to go.

OP posts:

QTPie · 23/01/2015 19:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

QTPie · 23/01/2015 19:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

AalyaSecura · 23/01/2015 19:57

I wouldn't necessarily expect the coach to tell the boys off for what happened last week, as you say a week is a bit too long to wait, but I would expect them to watch out for more of the same and act upon it.

CarlaVeloso · 23/01/2015 20:01

I was a bit disappointed when i opened this thread. I expected something entirely different...

Me too!

Thought you were MNing from bed with your poor hapless DH banging away at the other end.

PesoPenguin · 23/01/2015 20:01

DS is 5 and bloody awful at football but he's stuck at it and has nearly been going for a year ( and is still bloody awful). He is picking up some skills for the future though, when he 'gets' the game and he is getting exersize and improving his stamina. The difference is though, that no one is horrible to him, the older kids are really helpful and they let him have free kicks etc so that he gets to join in a bit.

I also hated sports as a child and my parents' attitude was to not encourage me to do any and I kind of wish they had, or at least not verbalised the fact that I was useless as it was a self fulfiing prophecy.

MillieMagnolia · 23/01/2015 20:04

He sounds a lovely, sensitive, intelligent boy and a real trier. If he wants to continue, I would encourage him. I agree with the others to have a word with the coach about the general attitude and inclusiveness vibe. If Ds gets fed up with it, then of course he should stop. Kids can be quite mean to each other at this age - all very competitive.

Malabrig0 · 23/01/2015 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feckitall · 23/01/2015 20:56

He is 6..if the club don't support and encourage find another club. At 6 they should not be expecting top end skills. Also they need to stamp on kids being unkind. Have a word.

It is never too late to start playing..I was 45! I was truly rubbish...I have improved enormously..will never be good but I don't make a twit of myself every week. I also brazen it out when I have a rubbish training session.

SummerHouse · 23/01/2015 21:13

Bless that little man. You don't have to be good at something to keep doing it. Otherwise I would never go to work. The description reminds me of my DS and aikido. I can't even tie the f-ing belt properly and I long to say "look, I don't get this, its shite and you are shite at it" but he loves it so I move heaven and earth to get him there and find something positive to say at the end... Like "you were perfect at the forward roll racing!" I will add that its the most difficult time on the most difficult day and leaves a sobbing DS2 at home as he is not old enough to go. Oh and it costs loads. Actually tell me why I keep going to this.

Tell me

neverputasockinatoaster · 23/01/2015 21:46

My DS is pants at football.
Last year he signed up for an after school football club. I cringed everytime I watched as he was just so very very rubbish.
BUT, he was taking part in an activity, running around being active and behaving like a NT child his age. (DS has an ASD)
They played a friendly at a nearby school and DS was included in the team.
I cried when he ran out on to the pitch.
Now we've moved schools an dhe has chosen not to do football anymore but he is doing karate. When he started he was all over the place but now he has his first green stripe and is so much more confident -and I still cry whenever he looks like his peers and leads the kata but I am a soppy mare-
So, I say let him carry on until he says he doesn't want to. Yes, you might think he's not as good as the others but you can still find positive things to say to him. I usually talk about how hard DS worked in a particular practice. Talk to the coach about the other boys being not so kind, they can watch for it and stop it. And they can do some general stuff about sporting behaviour.

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 30/01/2015 21:30

Just to update, ds had a much better week this week. He managed to save a goal and passed the ball to his team mate. Might not sound like much but he was so happy and pleased with himself.

No nasty comments this week, well not directed at ds anyway. He seemed to make friends with a little lad too.

OP posts:

Merguez · 30/01/2015 21:33

If he enjoys it you should support him and it sounds as if it's going well.

My ds was useless at sport at primary school, but loved it. Now at secondary school, he trains for the county. They can change so much in a short time and attitude is as important as physical skills. Sounds as if your ds has a great attitude.

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