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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move to the other end of the country

27 replies

rockybalboa · 16/01/2015 21:33

I have several threads on here about how my eldest DS was permanently blinded in one eye in an incident at school before Christmas. We have taken him out of school (and his brother out of the school nursery) and are waiting on infant class size appeal hearings for alternative schools which are all full. There is a very significant chance our appeals would fail. It is all VERY stressful. So rather than have to make do with whichever not-very-local school there is a place at or move house within our area to get a suitable school I am seriously considering relocating to a beautiful seaside town where my parents have a second home. We spend a lot of time there at all times of the year and I think it would be wonderful to be a permanent part of that community and bring our children up in an entirely different environment. DH works remotely and travels all over the UK by car, train or plane so it doesn't really matter where he lives other than that a move there would involve more travelling for him because it is more than his current 1 hr journey to London or 30 mins to a major airport. And therefore he would be at home less than he is at the moment. But I wouldn't be working. I've always been wholeheartedly committed to our city centre lifestyle preferring location over size of house but this isn't just about getting more house for our money (although we would get a much bigger house and be almost mortgage free) but about choosing an entirely different way of life for us and our kids. Our house would sell in a heartbeat so no concerns there. This feels like a major turning point because if we don't do it now whilst there is a natural break in the DC's education we'd use that as an excuse not to. Have I come over all irrational because of the immense stress caused by DS's injury and need to change schools? AIBU to consider such a dramatic move whilst I might be fragile of mind or is this giving us a wonderful life changing opportunity?!? Proximity of family isn't an issue by the way so no restrictions on that front.

OP posts:

Mammanat222 · 16/01/2015 21:38

I haven't seen your other thread but so sorry to hear about DS. How awful.

Based on info provided I'd say go for it. Make the change.

Although my only concern / reservation would be how much more time DH would be away from home. Is he away lots now? Would the move mean you get zero family time?

cosmicglittergirl · 16/01/2015 21:38

From your description it sounds amazing, what many people would dream of. If you're happy to leave your current location and think you, your husband and your children will be happier I can't see why not.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 16/01/2015 21:39

Do it. I live in a remote (but v busy in summer!) seaside village and it's just lovely. There are 5 children in DC1's class at school and everything is just so laid back and nice. And living by the sea is really lovely. I say do it!!

Didiusfalco · 16/01/2015 21:44

I dont think youre being irrational at all. If your going to make a change this does sound like a good time.
But how much travelling and how far from London would you be if DH needs to travel there?
Very sorry to hear about your son btw.

Original poster

rockybalboa · 16/01/2015 21:58

Ooh, looking encouraging so far! In terms of DH's work this week for example he was out of the house from 4pm on Tues to 9pm on Wed having been a short flight away and then out between 9am and 6pm on Thurs. So if we relocated he'd have been away probably from Tues am right through til v late Thurs evening. Mon and Fri he worked at home. He's probably working at home 2/3 days a week on average. He often leaves at 4/5am to travel so if we moved he'd have to go the night before. He'd be home all weekend unless I guess he had an early meeting on a Mon so had to leave Sun night or was late getting back on a Fri.

OP posts:

Original poster

rockybalboa · 16/01/2015 21:59

He would be about 4 hours from London by train I guess.

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AgentZigzag · 16/01/2015 22:02

What are you waiting for??!

There doesn't seem to be anything keeping you where you are, you'll never know if you don't give it a try

(It's terrible that you/your DS have had to go through that (I didn't see the thread either) How's he doing?)

AgentZigzag · 16/01/2015 22:03

X-post, what does your DH think about moving?

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 16/01/2015 22:09

Really sorry for your son and the stress.

If I had to choose between city centre living and seaside living, the city wouldn't stand a chance.

Original poster

rockybalboa · 16/01/2015 22:10

DS is absolutely fine, thank you. Blind in one eye but you genuinely wouldn't be able to tell without knowing. He could do with being at bloody school though not driving me bloody mental at home

DH isn't entirely unsupportive but I did only have this idea a few hours ago so he's not really had the chance to think about it.

OP posts:

IsabellaRoarsome · 16/01/2015 22:12

Do it! Best thing I ever did I
Wouldn't live anywhere else now! I love raising my dc's in a community being surrounded by fields and beaches and the schools are amazing!!!

Wassat · 16/01/2015 22:15

We've just moved to a seaside village and we LOVE it- have you checked that there are places at the local school where you are looking though? Things here can be more remote so I think I would be wanting to see how close the nearest school with places is before I made any decisions. If there are places though, go for it I say

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 16/01/2015 22:29

Am aghast at what happened to DS
Could you possibly take your parents' holiday home for six months and let your house out. See how it goes with the relocation and DH's work before your burn any boats?
That would give you all time to look at property as well and get a better idea of what it's like living in a holiday area during the colder months.

SorchaN · 16/01/2015 22:33

I didn't see your earlier thread either - so sorry about your son.

It would be a huge lifestyle change, but you'd adapt. And there would be times when you'd miss living in a city, but there are so many advantages to living in a less crowded environment.

Will your son need ongoing treatment that would require you to be near a particular hospital? That's the only reason I can think of for staying put.

What does your partner think about it?

Leeds2 · 16/01/2015 22:34

I would move, and welcome it.

I can see that your OH might not be so keen, but my priority would be DS.

GreenPetal94 · 16/01/2015 22:58

So sorry about your son.

Was it a fully considered decision to take him out of his school or a reaction to an awful situation. I can see its an awful event, but was it a bad school? It is all a big upheaval.

That said we live in Edinburgh and family live in SW England and we manage fine, but jobs are in Edinburgh.

Idontseeanysontarans · 16/01/2015 23:12

How about giving yourselves a deadline? Research houses, schools etc and tell yourselves that a decision has to be made by X date, say in 2 months time or by Easter. That way you give yourself time to gather your thoughts properly and calmly and maybe not feel quite so fragile as you do right now.
It sounds like a great idea in your OP and I would he very tempted to go for it but give yourself time to think about it before making a final decision.
I'm so glad your son is doing well

Cooki3Monst3r · 16/01/2015 23:22

Do it! There's something very special about living near the seaside. Me, DH and 2 DCs are always at our most happiest on the beach. It just automatically relieves any stress.

But after you've made the decision to go, could you rethink the location and find somewhere equally idyllic but closer to london?

So sorry to hear about your DS.

BadgersNadgers · 16/01/2015 23:44

Do it.

maddy68 · 16/01/2015 23:48

I have always moved around. Different counties. Different countries.
Travel is good

MrsTawdry · 16/01/2015 23:53

Rocky I think it's a very good idea. I do hope DS is adjusting...it sounds like it's been a terrible few months for you all and him especially. the change will be a new start and a new chapter.

Normal4Norfolk · 16/01/2015 23:56

Come to North Norfolk rocky! The widest, most beautiful beaches you've ever seen. And, King's Lynn is just 1hr 40mins into King's Cross.

Does your DH go in to London every day?

AmantesSuntAmentes · 17/01/2015 00:13

Having made a far and dramatic move, to a beautiful seaside village, I'd definitely say - go for it!

I too wondered at the time, whether I was reacting to various stressors. I may have been! Still, this has been the absolute best move I could possibly have made for my dc - and me too!

Sometimes spontaneity provokes exactly the change which is needed

Rebecca2014 · 17/01/2015 08:15

My ex is blind in one eye and like you said, it has made no difference to his life. He said he found it a bit hard driving a van, but he is now a bus driver so go figures!

Go for the move, it all sounds very exciting! think you all need a fresh start.

Original poster

rockybalboa · 19/01/2015 23:31

Soooooo, the estate agents are coming this week and we are off for a long weekend to look at houses and visit the school. All very exciting!!!

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