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Original poster

More of a wwyd? Ds 8 what gay means...

55 replies

ThePickledPoet · 16/01/2015 21:27

Reading a story earlier and the character was described as being gay. Ds asked what it meant so in line with the story I said it meant the character was happy and jolly. Ds then quite openly said "it doesn't just mean that" so asking what he meant he said " 'xxx' in school said if a man and a man marries then they're a couple of gay boys" taken back at this i explained how that wasn't a very nice thing to say. And that everyone deserves to be happy. And it was the same love as anyone else who loves each other just like mummy an daddy (I didn't want it getting too deep a discussion and knowing ds who is pretty sheltered when it comes to this kind of topic didn't understand at all how offensive and hurtful comments like that are) but... Curious I asked what did you think it was? To which he replied... "Gay is when a man works in a factory and drinks beer"
Not sure where he's heard that???!!!!
(He then asked can we finish the story mummy?)

Firstly he took me so by surprise I'm not sure I answered as well as I could have done, but if I'm to go over it tomorrow it's just drawing attention to it? We are not homophobic in any way at all, the topic just hadn't come up, but now it has I feel like I've handled it completely wrong. Wwyd or what did you say?

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 16/01/2015 22:05

Heres another one for you fightorflight my mum was very unhappy and nervous about my 4 yr old dd using the word ginger yesterday and started going on about what she had heard in the playground. As a relevant background point my mother is in her 70s, doesnt hear as well as she used to and doesnt listen anyway. Today my dad used the word 'gingerly' in a sentence. After a 5 minute conversation of confusion turns out he uses that word a lot and my dd was trying to use it herself but my mum wasnt listening, only heard ginger and created an issue!

OddFodd · 16/01/2015 22:13

I do think you need to get a handle on this, given that he's 8 and you're going to have to have more and more of this kind of conversation with him ie 'where do babies come from?' Men make a seed and the woman makes an egg and together they make a baby which grow in the woman's tummy.

Not complicated, not embarrassing, no need to panic or get flustered.

bigbluestars · 16/01/2015 22:19

I am interested in which book would describe a jolly character as being "gay". Most modern authors would be sensitive towards the usage of the word. Was it an old Enid Blyton book or similar?

SorchaN · 16/01/2015 22:21

I have gay and lesbian friends so my kids have always known what the words meant.

When I was pregnant with my second child, my three year-old wanted to know how it had happened. I told her the basics, and included the fact that people have sex regularly as an expression of love (not just when making babies). It took her about a week to figure out that sex must happen in same sex relationships as well, but she was a bit hazy about the details. So she asked. Loudly. In the supermarket.

I'm not at all flustered or embarrassed about discussing sex, but I did find it a bit challenging trying to come up with age-appropriate explanations of diverse sexual practices to a very small child in the course of the weekly shop!

Karoleann · 16/01/2015 22:22

My brother is gay and has been with his fiancé for years.....(thinking maybe 11ish), so all part of the family. DD also has a boy in his class that has two mums and she find that fascinating....much more so than my brother.

All DC's know that you can marry boys or girls (but most boys marry girls and vice versa). I think it is probably a difficult concept for a child if they don't have any exposure to gay or lesbian people or families.

I think its a bit like sex in general, DS1 was very interested in the mechanics or reproduction for a very early age, but when I explained it all, he was very matter-of-fact about it.

FightOrFlight · 16/01/2015 22:24

Calleigh

Why on earth would your DM worry about the word ginger Shock

Or am I missing something here? Cockney rhyming slang - ginger beer?

bigblue

I asked that earlier - I'm intrigued!

skylark2 · 16/01/2015 22:25

I'd have told him what gay means. I'm startled he doesn't already know at 8, tbh.

I'd also have explained that it's a relatively new meaning and its older meaning is happy, which is what it means in the book you're reading. Again - he's eight, not three. He must have at least encountered old-fashioned words which aren't in common use any more.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 16/01/2015 22:35

OddFodd surely that's a description for a 3yr old not an 8 year old???

emwithme · 16/01/2015 22:46

I was 7 or 8 when I asked my uncle G if he was getting married at any time soon (I was about to be a bridesmaid for a cousin so was angling for another pretty dress). I remember he looked strangely at me and said "speak to your mum" (I was confused because he was dad's brother not mum's). Mum explained it to me (in the car on the way home) that uncle G likes boys, that it's ok for boys to love other boys and girls to love other girls and you can't help who you fall in love with. She then said that S was his boyfriend.

The next week at my nan's house I went up to uncle G and said "I know you're not getting married because you like kissing boys". He asked how I felt about that. I said that kissing was icky (and went off to pick strawberries in granddad's back garden). He and S then gave me a Rubik's cube for "being cool". I still think of this every time I fail to do a rubik's cube!

Scotslasslivinginfrance · 16/01/2015 22:49

My guess would be calleigh is Scottish or her DM is fight

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/01/2015 22:53

All I've told dd is that men can marry men and women can marry women or women can marry men.

I've told her when she's older she can marry whoever she wants or no one at all I just want her to be happy.

I've not used the terms though, is that something I should tell her also?

coalscuttle · 16/01/2015 22:55

Pickled - have you now told him where babies do actually come from?! Lease say yes...!

FightOrFlight · 16/01/2015 23:03

My guess would be calleigh is Scottish or her DM is fight

< tries saying 'ginger' in a Scottish accent >

Still none the wiser Confused

Help me with this one, it's been a long day and my brain cells hurt a lot.

OddFodd · 16/01/2015 23:12

Well yes fredfred. It's better than 'from eBay' though!

Scotslasslivinginfrance · 16/01/2015 23:24

Sorry my last post was brief, it can be seen as abusive or offensive to call someone with red hair 'ginger' and Scotland has a large population of red headed beauties. But if you live on the west coast a "a bottle of ginger" is fizzy juice! Go figure Wink

Hope that helps.

fleecyjumper · 16/01/2015 23:28

I don't understand why you didn't just tell him what gay means and also where babies come from. He's 8. It's best just to be matter of fact about these things as they come up and then it's not a massive deal to talk about important things later on in the embarrasing teenage years. Things on TV often can be useful for these types of conversations.

GoringBit · 16/01/2015 23:30

Fight ginger is rhyming slang, ginger beer = queer.

kormachameleon · 16/01/2015 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoringBit · 16/01/2015 23:31

Or what Scotslass said.

FightOrFlight · 16/01/2015 23:32

Thanks Scots that makes a bit more sense now! I thought DM might have been Cockney and thought it was ginger (beer)=queer!

< makes note to avoid the G word when in company of Scottish friends >

FightOrFlight · 16/01/2015 23:32

Cross post Goring !

Fanfeckintastic · 16/01/2015 23:35

I'm shocked this is only coming up now. I'dpsay he knows more than he's letting on.

My 3 year old knows what gay and lesbian means but mainly because her best friend has two mams, she proudly and loudly told me in a play centre that she wants to be a lesbian and have her hair cut like Ben elf Blush talk about stereotyping!

FightOrFlight · 16/01/2015 23:38

I had to Google Ben Elf Blush grown up kids and all that ....

He has nice ginger Titian hair.

GoringBit · 16/01/2015 23:38

Just a bit, flight. BlushGrin

IPeeInTheShowerOhYes · 16/01/2015 23:50

DD1 was about 8 when she asked what gay meant so I told her it was a word used to describe when men were attracted to men, usually, and sometimes women to women.
Marriage was not a necessary part of the explanation.
She took it on board very quickly.

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