To think this was a ridiculously stupid thing to say to someone with anxiety and a healthcare professional should know better?

[Mumblesometimes]

Will try to keep it short but dont want to drip feed either but had to go to the dentist earlier today as one side of my face swelled up due to an ongoing problem because one of my teeth is cracked (only half of the actual tooth left) and it keeps getting infected. I need the tooth out but cant have it out at the normal dentist as they dont do sedation and cant have it out while conscious as I had a severe phobia already and a botched root canal on that tooth only made it worse so I can barely have it touched now without ending up in tears.

Am waiting on an appt to have it out in hospital clinic under sedation but theres a huge waiting list so have been waiting months already and it could be up to another 2 (dentist has put 2 urgent referrals in but hasnt seemed to make much difference tbh). Because of the wait it keeps getting infected and swelling so have had to go back frequently - this is the 4th time Ive had antibiotics in the past 6-7 months and dentist isnt happy as more than 2 lots is a bit much in her opinion but instead of taking it up with the hospital, where Id happily have the tooth out tomorrow if they wanted, she just seems to get narky at me as if somehow Im the one dragging my feet! But that alone would be ok, not everyone has a perfect bedside manner.

What I didnt like today was that, after knowing how nervous I am about dental work, knowing I have bad anxiety AND having had a long conversation about being careful about the amount of swelling, eg going to A&E if it gets at all worse etc (had the convo in that appt so its not something we said previously and she forgot), she said in a very prickly tone as I was about to leave "If the other side of your face swells, spreading to the bottom so that you look like you have a double chin, your airway can swell and close up - then you wont be able to breathe at all.... Im sure I dont need to explain what will happen then, there wont be a lot that can be done then!"

I didnt know what to say and just got out of there straight away, and tbh went round to the back of the shops where theres a seating area and cried. I totally understand the need to make it clear about the risks of leaving swelling and getting medical attention if it gets worse but that had already been covered and Id made it clear I took that seriously, and I was leaving with antibiotics - what more was I supposed to be scared into doing exactly? She knows Im very anxious, AIBU to think that was a horrible thing to leave me with? Am actually still worried and feeling panicky about going to sleep tonight now, in case I don`t wake up!

Am definitely going to change dentists but dont feel I can do that until after this tooth has been taken out because its a referral they`re chasing IYSWIM.

Quite true, Tinks. I've had quite a few extractions over the years (I'm 70) and although I was sedated, my dh was surprised at how soon I was 'led' out of the surgery to him and our car. Minutes, as extractions are usually over very fast. Also you remember nothing, it's brilliant.

Asked the dentist before about Valium and they said they'd prescribe it if I was booked in for extraction but don't know how well it would work - I get full on panic attacks. Will ask GP about therapy tho, especially as the phobia is getting worse not better. And dentist said 40 mins, not sure why if that's so out?

NoArmani it may be hard for you to understand dental phobia in a very extreme form, but I can assure you it exists

I treat patients with dental phobia, it's something i specialise in and am good at. But I can honestly say I've never seen anyone who would rather die than go to the dentist (probably because those people don't come in!)

OP if you what some help finding someone in your area who offers sedation please PM me.

You could also try and get in touch with the community dental service (not many people have heard of them, they are salaried dentists directly employed by the health authority). DS2 was referrered to them as he needed sedation for a filling and was unable to sit still for his usual dentist due to feeling claustrophobic. They can use sedation in a normal dental clinic, we managed this because DS2 has Asperger's and the community dentist was brilliant with him. It was also very funny hearing DS2 giggling on the gas and air.

You could try and persuade them to refer you due to the repeated infections

I have a chronic anxiety and panic disorder too OP, dentists being right on top of the list of my phobia's BUT my mouth became far to dangerous and far to painful that in the end I went to the dentist because after 8 months of waiting I was petrified (more so of dying than the dentist)
I talked to her and she was so sweet, so bloody kind and completely understanding that I agreed for her to pull 1 straight away, I did all the normal breathing stuff etc that I have learnt, the one thing that my GP did say was to take diazepam for my anxiety and a friend if talking to the dentist didn't work.
4 teeth extracted and now I still dread BUT sometimes no matter how hard, how terrified and ill it makes you feel you just have to do it... good luck.

A&E won't do anything Mumble, they will just give you more antibiotics and tell you to go to the dentist.

Are you petrified of injections? all the dentist will do is numb your mouth and take the tooth out, you won't feel a thing.

And no you wouldnt prefer it to be serious enough for hospitalisation. I was screaming and crying with pain to the point where I could do nothing else, had a face like I'd gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.

I find it hard to locate a dentist who understands extreme phobias. I had root canal as a child on my top front tooth which then left me with endless infections - guessing it wasn't done right?
After that this tooth slowly rotted away and between the root canal and a few fillings before it, it is now a deep rooted fear of mine. I am not exaggerating when I say I worry every day about my teeth as I know I need work done and I can't get away with it for much longer :(
I am that bad with my teeth, I can't bear metal touching them - AT ALL! Even if the fork accidentally bangs my teeth I stop eating.
May sound absolutely ridiculous, but it is what it is. I had a good dentist about 10 years ago who decided to undertake the work that needed done whilst using gas and air. This was delivered through a nose piece in the local hospital, and she herself done the work. However, after a few treatments she decided that because I was relaxed and didn't seem phased (surely thats what gas and air is for?!) then I didn't need the gas & air. So she told me next filling was at the normal surgery.
It was horrific and I refused to go back, I went right back to being an anxious mess.

So OP I do sympathise, and as someone with general anxiety, in the kindest way I don't think the dentist was being unreasonable, I think they were just trying in their own way to make you realise how serious it is.

I would call/write/email/visit your MP and ask for help in getting seen to as your wait has been unacceptably long. I did this when my dad was told it was 6-9 months for a colonoscopy. The man has prostate cancer and given his symptoms he should have had one much earlier. Turned out he had early stage colon cancer with all of the cancer being removed. I called, emailed and wrote to the MP and my Dad was in the week following my phone call.

Thanks wiggly, oddly enough I've been to the community dental service but not for me, for dd as she has sensory processing disorder and can't stand dentists (among many things) but absolutely hasn't fed on my fear, barely even mention dentists to her, it's her thing about being touched/sensation. She's come on leaps and bounds through there but I didn't know I might be able to be referred there, will ask, thanks.

I've had all my Wisdoms and one molar removed and they took far longer than 5 mins in fairness.

Thanks for all the help, Sick - I'm the same, I moderate what I eat so it doesn't jar my teeth, I think about them so much in the day, and if I bang one with a spoon/fork I feel all of them for damage and worry for ages.

I don't know what to do now though, I feel like I'm risking my life just having nothing done tonight, know that sounds OTT but it's true. Would love to be able to just have it out, however unpleasant, but it's like forcing yourself to burn your hand in a fire, you just can't. Last time I tried I had 3 panic attacks in the dentist then, after she'd given up and asked me to come back another time, I cried in the office hallway for 20 mins solid.

I definitely need to find a nice dentist and/or one that has sedation/gas&air, and see the GP but what do I do right now? Would really preferably not die, or end up hospitalised, wish someone would just come and knock me out right now and get it over with.

Of course you aren't going to die Mumble. Mine was very extreme.

Thanks Tink, just feel very stupid relying on the anti-b's now.

Why would you feel like that? Anti-b's can be taken quite frequently without any harm done.

If it's out of control, seriously Mumble, you would know it, have a huge fever etc. Is the pain manageable? If so, you'll be fine. Really and truly you will.

A friend of mine goes to her GP when she knows she has an appointment coming up and the GP prescribes valium to take an hour before going. Not sure if you could look into that option?

I've got a cheek to suggest it tbh as I haven't done it myself but its one avenue x

Its not cheeky to do that Sick. That's a very sensible idea indeed.

I had a tooth out last week, it took about 5 mins. I have had a surgical extraction of molar that split in two but even that was nowhere near 40 mins. I used to think I had good teeth too!
I would give the diazepam a go. I actually have no idea whether you could be referred to the community dentist but thought it was worth a go, they all seem to be so patient.

Thanks Tink, the comparisons between 'rather die than have tooth out' upthread were giving my anxiety excuses to freak out, not blaming PP's at all in case it sounds like that though, just the anxiety latching onto everything. I have next to no pain, the very occasional 'jolt' but very little and no fever before (am a bit hot now, have been blubbing on and off for half an hour though which explains it). Thankyou all, will go to GP and ask about valium too.

I honestly would try diazepam or Valium and give the dentist a try. My friend really can't fly - complete melt down in the airport, however if he doses him with diazepam he's so dopey and laid back that it's not a problem. He does sleep nearly 24 hours after it but at least he can now get on a plane

Do you already take valium/diazepam? If not, then I think everyone may have solved this. Its a brilliant idea from Snow. The doctor will do this for you.

I mean its a bit cheeky of me to suggest given that I won't do it myself and still a sh*tbag that is too scared x

No, was prescribed it after a non-dental related panic attack a few years back (am sounding like a right basket case now but that's the only non-dental panic attack I've ever had) but didn't take it as I felt better afterwards, didn't think it would help that much, thought it just relaxed you a little but if it's that helpful I'll definitely give it a go.