Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that maintenance SHOULD affect benefit entitlement?

363 replies

IJustCantBelieveIt · 15/01/2015 23:12

Don't want to drip feed, but don't want to go on and on.

My dh and I have been together for 4 years (married for 2) he has a 7 year old ds from a previous relationship. He has always paid maintenance, even though his ex is very difficult with contact. When we met, it was £53 a week. It is now £78 a week (these are based off of the statutory amounts, but elevated a little) We don't have a problem with paying. It is after all his ds.

His ex has had 2 more dc since they split, both have different fathers, who she is also no longer with. She works part time (well 24 hours a week) at weekends when her dc are at respective fathers' or with her mother. Both other fathers pay maintenance for their respective dc.

Now what has got me thinking is that we have just reviewed payment amount and increased it. I said to dh to make sure she lets her benefits' offices know as we don't want her getting stung. She got back to us saying that maintenance has no impact on her benefits.

How can this be? Out of curiosity, we did a benefit calculation with her circumstances and it shows as eligible for almost £500 a week. Plus her weekly earnings and maintenance payments from dh (haven't a clue what the other fathers pay, so we didn't include it) she is getting over £3000pcm.

Surely, maintenance payments should be counted as an income for her dc if nothing else. I thought benefits were calculated to make sure that families had enough money to live on. I don't begrudge that we pay maintenance, but she shouldn't also be receiving money to pay for her children from the govt, as I believe over £10 per day is sufficient for keeping a child? I don't know what to think. Anyone understand why this is like it is? Or am I just BU?

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 16/01/2015 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sweetpea01 · 16/01/2015 15:30

bf100- I know for a fact my children do not cost their father (and his partner) anywhere near the amount they cost me on any given week. How on earth does that work? He has them 1 out of 7 days, so our shared costs (in a fair world) are 1/7 to him, 6/7 to me.

The CSA ask the NRP how often they see the children. If a NRP see's their child 50% of the time, they do not pay maintenance.

But again, this is about sheer financial OBLIGATION and by the CSA, the NRP's income is irrelevant. Whereas by other government agencies my partner's IS

CantBeBotheredThinking · 16/01/2015 15:30

What costs do you think the RP has that a NRP doesnt have?

Childcare, clothing, swimming lessons, any other extra curricular activities, extras for school, spending money give me long enough and i will think of others too.

Sweetpea01 · 16/01/2015 15:34

needaholidaynow -

I'm not saying it should count (though tbh it probably would be 'fairer'), I really don't mind that my ex's partner doesn't have any obligation to pay for our kids.

I was just making the point that actually, the RP's new partner often pays far more than the children's own father.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/01/2015 15:34

"What costs do you think the RP has that a NRP doesnt have?"
umm well, buying food, filling up with petrol, buying clothes, shoes and so on, giving dinner money and pocket money.....do I have to go on?

PartPixie · 16/01/2015 15:34

Your so wrong sunny but there is no reasoning with you. You are so convinced that all nrp are living the life of luxury at the expense of their first children you will never see anything else.

Sweetpea01 · 16/01/2015 15:35

*NRP's partner's income is irrelevant

I mean

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/01/2015 15:36

no I am not convinced of that at all, where did I say that?
I just find your attitude to your ...er.... 'step child' chilling.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/01/2015 15:37

also Pixie, I see you sidestepped my question...
tell us how your children are 'suffering' from their father paying for their sibling?

Coyoacan · 16/01/2015 15:37

What costs do you think the RP has that a NRP doesnt have?

In my case, on top of the list CantBeBothered provides, lots of jobs are just not feasible anymore. You can't take a job that requires out-of-hours childcare, unless you have good family support.

fedupbutfine · 16/01/2015 15:38

I can't stand posts like this. The idea that if dh and I should ever split up and I'd be a loan parent wouldn't be pleasant but I know I could manage. But the thought that some bloody random woman could come along and set up home with dh, then start deciding she knew all about my income and outgoings, what other people paid me and thought she should keep a check on me and remind me of things just makes my skin crawl

so true. After a few years of separation, the same goes for the ex as well. My ex has no clue whatsoever as to my income or my reasonable outgoings (and by 'reasonable' I mean bills, food, childcare). But he does think that because he sees the children and I have a holiday and a new car on the driveway that means that I earn 'more than enough' and he doesn't have to contribute. Backed up by the girlfriend every time. And it's me who's the 'money grabber'. I laugh. A lot.

bf1000 · 16/01/2015 15:38

Housing costs (rent) isn't less if you tell the landlord you only need the extra room 1 day out of 7? as with council tax/house insurance/car insurance.

essential clothing costs are the same.

So in your case the extra essentials are food and heating over an extra 5 days. For 1 child you would receive £20 a week child benefit plus CSA. That is at the minimum £5 per a day (based on £4 a day child benefit and minimum of £5 a week CSA for a NRP on benefits). IF your ex is earning a wage it would be more than this per a day.

what do you estimate is the average cost of food/heating per a day?

Sweetpea01 · 16/01/2015 15:38

Pixie -

My ex partner actually has less money than I do, as his family are entirely reliant on benefits. I am the 'better off' parent in our children's lives.

It's not about NRP vs RP, it's about what is fair with regards to % of income. Your OH pays the bare minimum if CSA calculated and yet you are still not happy.

bf1000 · 16/01/2015 15:41

NRP have to buy children clothes, food, put petrol in car , they pay for activities, they provide spending money too

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/01/2015 15:42

really bf? do they really?

bf1000 · 16/01/2015 15:43

do your children not have clothes or food or activities when with their NRP then?

wishmiplass · 16/01/2015 15:43

I previously had (at instigation of ex's new DW) an informal arrangement with DC's dad of £50 a month for CM. Ex's DW was of the opinion that this was more than generous. When he decided to stop paying for his DC, we went through CSA who awarded the bare minimum. I now get 3 times as much. I laugh. A lot.

needaholidaynow · 16/01/2015 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/01/2015 15:45

food bf yes, clothes and "activities" no. And it is about once a year so....

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/01/2015 15:45

bf

It's not unusual for a NRP to not provide additional bedrooms or anything else.

And it would be unusual for a court to refuse a contact application because the child was expected to use a camp bed in a dining room/ elsewhere or sure a bedroom. Highly unusual.

wishmiplass · 16/01/2015 15:46

do your children not have clothes or food or activities when with their NRP then?

In my case yes. But in clothes I bought, food I provided (in a lunchbox) and activities I had to give them £5, £10 whatever for.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/01/2015 15:46

my ex wouldnt know an activity if it slapped him in the face.
and yes, sofabed in the lounge.

Jaded2004 · 16/01/2015 15:47

My exh was paying me £600 pm and he did that so we could live in a better area, house and access to DS brilliant school. I only took the house on due to having that extra income. He now (after 4 years) has suddenly decided not to pay. I'm stuck with a house i now can't afford and with under £150 pm to live on. If my benefits had been cut due to payments from him I would now be on the street.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/01/2015 15:48

Ahhh small child's foot hit screen.

I come across loads of NRP's who don't provide clothing or anything else other than food. I've even come across a few who expect the RP to send the child with everything they need including food

bf1000 · 16/01/2015 15:49

wish - that is terrible for your children but NRP I know provide their own things as they should and costs in both RP and NRP homes are alike