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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this was a little nosy

26 replies

parakeet · 15/01/2015 21:31

My sister has recently moved house, and when I mentioned this, in passing, to one of my in-laws, she replied "Was that with the inheritance?"

Our mum died a few years ago, and yes, my sister was able to to move house because of her inheritance. But my sister barely knows this in-law of mine, and I felt my sister's finances were not really her business. At first I pretended not to hear, but she repeated the question, and I had to answer.

I realise this is a very very minor thing, but there have been a few other occasions where this in-law of mine has been, I felt, overly prying into my business, and I'm wondering - would most reasonable people have felt this was intrusive? Or am I just being over-sensitive about it because of the past issues perhaps?

OP posts:
DeliciousMonster · 15/01/2015 21:33

Did you say 'what business is that of yours exactly?'

OVienna · 15/01/2015 21:34

I know people like this. It's amazing what happens when you just don't answer their questions. Nothing! Took me several decades to pick up on this.

Ohfourfoxache · 15/01/2015 21:35

Yanbu

My ILs badgered DH about how my DSis and her (then) BF could afford the deposit on their house. My grandparents had just died, yes there was an inheritance, but it had nothing to do with the ILs. It was all very intrusive, included them looking up property prices etc and insisted that they had to know all about figures etc. Very odd Hmm

GlitteryLipgloss · 15/01/2015 21:36

YANBU.

you should've said 'no, it's from my babestation shifts'

Smile
Blanketontheground · 15/01/2015 21:38

I'd say, "I'm not sure - I ll ask her for you"

CatsClaus · 15/01/2015 21:40

"oh no, she spent that on drugs and gigolos.....the rest she wasted." ...to steal a quote.

you are under no obligation to answer questions, so a flat "i really couldn't say" with a shrug and a hard stare would more than suffice.

Chaseface · 15/01/2015 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
parakeet · 15/01/2015 21:41

Ha ha, I'm loving some of these replies, but seriously, I wouldn't want to be rude as she is actually a very nice woman. Now MN has been invaluable in providing me with some wonderful stock answers (I'm thinking "That sounded rude, did you mean it to?" and "That doesn't work for me"). So for next time, what can I say that means "Mind your own business" that doesn't sound so aggressive?

OP posts:
Original poster
parakeet · 15/01/2015 21:45

Oh cross-posted Cats. "I couldn't say" is wonderful, thank you. On the surface it implies you don't know but deep down, it's hinting it is inappropriate for them to be asking.

It seems most people think it is a little nosy - this is actually helpful, because now I can stop thinking about it and just forget it. Armed with my trusty MN stock reply for next time, of course.

OP posts:
Chaseface · 15/01/2015 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grannytomine · 15/01/2015 21:46

I'd say I didn't know as we don't discuss money.

evenherfartsarefragrant1 · 15/01/2015 21:49

Yup. I would have said
'I wouldn't know dear, her money so not my business'.

Ohfourfoxache · 15/01/2015 21:50

Fix a sweet smile on your face and simply say "I don't know". If she is sensible and takes the hint then she'll stop pestering.

If she isn't quite as nice as you think, she'll carry on pestering. We had "you MUST know!" and "why don't you know?" and "surely there must have been an inheritance, she (my DSis) doesn't earn that much so she couldn't POSSIBLY have got a deposit together without an inheritance!" (they had no idea btw what my DSis's financial situation is, but suffice to say her salary is more than mine and DH's put together).

If she persists you could go for the not-so-subtle retort. DH finally snapped and said "I don't know and you shouldn't be asking". Yeah, that one caused no end of fun Hmm

CallMeExhausted · 15/01/2015 21:58

I really dislike gossip, and unless something has personal relevance, I don't answer.

My stock reply to something I have no business sharing is "I wouldn't know".

abigamarone · 15/01/2015 21:58

An "I don't know", or "Can't remember" and a shrug always works for me. That and a slightly blank expression(I'm good at those). Once had a customer at work ask me my wage, just shrugged and said I'd never looked.

WooWooOwl · 15/01/2015 21:59

She should be taking the hint that you don't want to talk about it by now, but I don't see the harm in asking something like that. Maybe she sees your family as part of the same big extended family, and you are linked in a way that makes her think it's ok to ask something she wouldn't ask about a stranger.

I can see why it's irritating, but it's not something I'd think to judge someone badly on.

hiddenhome · 15/01/2015 22:02

"Discussing money is vulgar dontchya know" Smile

ByTheWishingWell · 15/01/2015 22:02

What WooWoo said.

Some people/families are just more open and frank about money.

claraschu · 15/01/2015 22:03

I think it would be awfully rude to say: "That sounded rude."

What's the big deal?

Seriouslyffs · 15/01/2015 22:08

Pretend you don't hear. Like OVienna its taken me ages to work this out.

MehsMum · 15/01/2015 22:11

'Perhaps you could ask her next time you meet?' with a sweet smile.

But I always think of the good response an hour later in the car home.

Providore · 15/01/2015 22:13

Some good advice I received once: if you're ever asked a question you don't want to answer, ask 'why do you want to know?' You could do this sweetly with a smile; really puts interrogators on the back foot.

Original poster
parakeet · 15/01/2015 22:21

Several other sensible suggestions here too. Don't know why I didn't think of "I don't know" myself. Thanks all. Off to bed now.

OP posts:
ihatethecold · 15/01/2015 22:23

Or you could say "I don't know, why don't you ask them"

Quiero · 15/01/2015 22:29

People are so odd about this sort of stuff. I used my share of the money from the sale of mams house to put into a bigger home for my family. It wasn't loads and as we previously lived in the house DH bought before meeting me it meant my contribution matched his equity so things became equal iykwim.

Anyhow, my cousin said, "Ooh, you're dead lucky getting that inheritance so you can have this lovely big house"

Yeah cuz, I'm really glad my mam died so I can have an extra bedroom Confused Angry