To think that people are NOT always trying to offend you

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

Well? I'm not sure if it's a mumsnet thing but there have been loads of threads lately about people being totally up in arms about what I thought were just normal questions.
The following are all questions I've been asked and that I thought people ask to be friendly and make conversation -

In pregnancy -
'Do you know if it's a girl or boy?'

'How far along are you?'

'How are you feeling?'

With small baby -
'Does he/she sleep well?'

'She/he's so cute! Look at those chubby little legs!'

'Who do you think he/she looks like?'

'When do you think you'll be starting solids?'

'When are you thinking of weaning off boob?'

With toddler -
'Do you think you'll have any more?'

'Is he/she going to nursery?'

Etc.

Some people are just trying to be nice and make conversation. Aren't they!??

Sorry - are the words pretty much interchangeable?

Didn't we have a thread about this mere days ago?

Pregnancy or having a child doesn't make you 'public property' does it? So why are comments about weight / other personal stuff suddenly ok?

I don't find the questions in the original post offensive, but I do get irritated by "would you rather have a girl or a boy?".

I probably wouldn't ask anyone if they were having another baby as I wouldn't know if this was a sensitive issue. However, In the last two weeks I have asked three women if they know the baby's gender and commented (nicely) on a couple of babies. Surely it is just a way of making conversation and trying to find some common ground. If we all just talked about the weather we would all be bored and never make friends and/or get to know people. Sometimes sharing experiences, good or bad, makes people closer. Just trying to connect.

Isn't there a gap between asking if someone knows the sex of the baby they're having, and asking what they'd prefer? The first, as you say, seems like sensible conversation-making. The second is really weird.

The bestest ones are those who tell me how selfish I am for only having one child without explaining how secondary infertility is a proven cause of selfishness or the other way round, or how they define selfishness. Oh, and I'm not a proper mum because my uterus has only retained one foetus to full term. Why should I find people overtly judging my life inoffensive for the sake of small talk?

you are all being very offensive
by talking about being offensive.
I f I NEVER SEE THE WORD OFFEND again
I will be happy

I get 'will you have another?' A LOT ATM and after a recent ectopic plus infertility, it does sometimes make me catch my breath and feel sad but honestly, it doesn't offend me. People are just being friendly and if / when I wanted to, I can tell them the truth.

Agree with pp that there is a difference between being upset and offended ffs.

YANBU

Fortunately I only ever witness this sort of 'offence' on Mumsnet.

Meanwhile in the real world, most people are happy to answer such normal questions without giving them a second thought.

I'd say these questions are more intrusive than offensive.

And people have negative associations with these sort of questions because of the follow-up conversations that occur:

Random Acquaintance: So when are you having number two?
Me: Actually, we're not planning on having any more kids
RA: But you HAVE to have more kids! Every child deserves siblings. Why aren't you having more?
Me (maybe if i give a real answer they'll leave me alone?): Er...well... we don't feel any need to have a second one right now, and our budget's a bit tight anyway, plus I had a difficult time of it with DD and we're not willing to risk that again.
RA: You'll get over it! Everyone wants more than one child. Do it for your DD!
Etc.

It isn't the small talk or the question but the words used.

"Do you think you'll have another child" is fine and acceptable small talk with nothing judgemental in it.

"When are you having another one" or "you'll want to try for a boy/girl now" or "you'll want to give them a brother/sister" are all slightly judgemental and intrusive as there's no way to answer with out giving out rather personal information that might be upsetting.

I should add that I don't actually mind these sort of questions in the rare cases where its not immediately followed by a lecture on how many kids I should have/when I should stop bfeeding/what type of routine I should be following.

To me, it's the frequency of the "are you having any more?" question. It's not too bad to begin with, then after the 40th time it's hard to keep the smile plastered on my face. Especially when it's followed up by commented about age gaps and lonely onlys and the like. And I don't want to get into the specifics (can't afford another one right now, struggled to get pregnant the last time, DH not keen while I'm really broody, DS can be hard work and I feel like I'm not doing a good job with one, let alone 2). I know that people don't usually mean any upset, but it does upset me.

I have been there, asking people the wrong question which sounded very thoughtless but just came out of my mouth

Since then I forgive people who ask me the wrong thing. I immediately remember that I've been there. Like everyone else I try to think before I speak but sometimes I say something that comes out sounding thoughtless. I try to forgive everyone who does it to me and hope that I too will be forgiven when I next stick my foot in it.