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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why

21 replies

nhsworker15 · 14/01/2015 11:26

You would invite people you don't know to a party? Have just had an invite to a double birthday party from 2 people who I haven't a clue who they are. I suspect that it's dp's cousin and Ds. I've been with dp 21 years, through funerals, weddings, other parties etc, and I have never let these folk. Dp had a vague notion that one is his cousin, but doesn't know the youngest.

Why on earth would you invite people you don't know to a party???

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 14/01/2015 11:27

To get to know them Wink

Original poster
nhsworker15 · 14/01/2015 11:31

Hadn't thought of that! But how likely are you to get to know people at a joint party in a working men's club??

OP posts:
Dukketeater · 14/01/2015 11:32

Because you feel you have to... Politely decline, thats what is expected of you.

linzicam1985 · 14/01/2015 11:33

I was talking about the same thing with my husband as a friend of ours is having a party this year and has invited us my sis in law and a couple of my friends who she has not seen nor spoke 2 in 2 yrs i think it's strange xxx

SaucyMare · 14/01/2015 11:34

Because you want a bit party but don't know enough people

SaucyMare · 14/01/2015 11:35

Want a big party not a bit party

GlitteryLipgloss · 14/01/2015 11:35

To make up numbers
To please other family members
To not leave anyone out
To be polite
To want to catch up
Honouring a new year resolution to invite distant relatives to family celebrations...

Bowlersarm · 14/01/2015 11:37

I don't think its necesarily because they feel they have to. Maybe they just want to get to know you a bit better. If you go, and then invite them to something youre hosting then a relationship will develop, if you want it to.

Original poster
nhsworker15 · 14/01/2015 11:38

But I really don't understand why they feel they have to? I mean, we don't even know they exist, we wouldn't know we hadn't been invited. If we were having a party we wouldn't dream of inviting them. It's not just that we don't "know know" them, it's that we really don't know them. They could be shooting next to me and I wouldn't even know I was meant to know them! There are some family members who we only see once every couple of years, they would probably get invited, but these are people i haven't met in 21 years (and one of them is going to be 18!)

OP posts:
Original poster
nhsworker15 · 14/01/2015 11:39

Sitting, not shooting!

OP posts:
bilbodog · 14/01/2015 11:42

could be that they have just decided to do a bit 'family party' and have invited ALL the family - even those they don't know - as someone said earlier - to get to know those they don't know already? I wouldn't worry about it - either go or don't go? Presumably there will be lots of other family members that you do know?

RiverTam · 14/01/2015 11:43

I can't get beyond the fact that your DP doesn't know the name of his own cousin!

CinnabarRed · 14/01/2015 11:52

RiverTam - perhaps it's a female cousin who changed her name on marriage?

Optimist1 · 14/01/2015 11:53

Have you won the lottery recently, OP? Smile

GillSans · 14/01/2015 11:58

Is your DP much younger than the cousin? It may be that they have fond memories of him and would like to get back in touch.

I am nearly the youngest of 28 cousins and I barely know most of them. I have had similar invites. I was once accosted on holiday by a woman wanting to hug me because she thought I was my mum! Turned out it was my much older cousin who I barely remember and who none of us had seen for years. She used to babysit me when I was a toddler and had loads of stories to tell.

I was a bit gutted by how much she thought I looked like my mum tho. Grin

steppeinginto2015 · 14/01/2015 12:06

well, I remember a family party when I was in my teens. I think it was grandparents golden wedding, but may not have been. They decided to invite lots of family that they had lost contact with over the years, so they invited all the cousins fro example, some of whom they hadn't seen for 15 years.

It was a fabulous party and the whole family decided to keep in touch. We all acquired an extended family we hadn't had.

The contact isn't often, but every 2-3 years at one type of family do or other we will see them.
We like it. I realise not everyone would. I think when my parents die, it would be hard for us to continue, as the younger generation wouldn't bother. But then, probably, when one of us reached our golden wedding we might think -lets get in contact with our second cousins, and the cycle will begin again.

wowfudge · 14/01/2015 12:10

Dukke - I don't get your response. In my book you don't invite anyone who you wouldn't want to have come along. Utterly ridiculous inviting someone in those circumstances. Quite different from inviting someone who has form for not attending so you believe they won't accept, but it's a pleasant change if they do.

Original poster
nhsworker15 · 14/01/2015 12:25

He's got lots of cousins, goes without saying that we're not close to that side of the family! I am close to all my cousins so it's a bit weird for me too!

Anyway, we won't be going. My idea of hell.

OP posts:
steppeinginto2015 · 14/01/2015 12:25

wow - I think in some families/circles, they is a thing that if you invite one lot of first cousins, you should invite the people of same relationship from the other side of the family, in order to be 'fair'

The those who don't want to come can just decline, but they don't feel hard done by because they were invited.

Original poster
nhsworker15 · 14/01/2015 12:43

Yes, and I guess as they don't know us they wouldn't know that we wouldn't be offended!

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 14/01/2015 12:52

Maybe they're struggling socially and are putting themselves "out there". You see it a lot on Mumsnet...people who are lonely being advised to "have a get together" or a party and invite people.

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