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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling broody at 22?

29 replies

BroodySince22 · 13/01/2015 21:15

Am I being unreasonable To wish that mumsnetters didn't use acronyms all the time because I have to keep checking what they mean? Lol joking

More to the point... is it unreasonable for me to feel broody at the age of 22? (New to this, as username suggests lol) I've been feeling a strange longing for a child of my own since I started university in September.

However... I'm only in my first year of uni and I'm not ready at all to have a child. I'm still living with my Mum, and the house wouldn't be big enough to accommodate a baby anyway, my partner is my age and definitely wouldn't be ready for one, he still lives with his parents. No house of our own, no money. I'd love to get married before children but isn't absolutely necessary... Partner gets awkward at the thought of kids or marriage just yet, I think I'm just so impatient. Have only just started uni which took a lot of hard work to get a place for and I already can't wait to graduate and start having kids.. at 22!! Perhaps it's just a natural maternal instinct, which I suppose is a good thing... just envious of women my age who already have children or are pregnant. Although their pregnancies were likely not at the most ideal times... I just can't help wishing I would get pregnant by accident so it's forced upon me... though that'll never happen as we're always so careful not to become pregnant... and I'd never do it on purpose to Partner, I couldn't live with the guilt. Have only told a select few people about my feelings in fear of actually becoming pregnant by accident and people accusing me of planning it! :(

I'm also getting fed up with taking the pill. Have taken it since I was 15 and I don't like the thought of consuming pills all the time now, though it has been a good pregnancy prevention to me thus far. I'm aware of the various other contraceptives but I feel a longing for my natural periods again. I've spent more time on the pill than I've had the natural menstrual cycle. Have tried condoms with Partner but they are sooo dry and they restrict movement. He also complains he can't feel anything. But I don't want to become pregnant!! ... I do... no, I don't...

Just taking this opportunity to rant about my unreasonable broodiness... to somewhere other than my diary! :) have a good evening all! Xx

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 13/01/2015 22:20

It's not unreasonable to feel broody - it's nature's way of making sure you procreate. But you would be unreasonable to act upon those feelings right now.

To put it in perspective, I've felt broody from the age of about 14. I had my first child at 33. Having a baby is amazing, but challenging in all sorts of ways and it makes a huge difference to have other areas of your life sorted before you take that step. 22 is so young, you've so much time to sort yourself out financially, finish your education, get your career on track, have your fun, get to know yourself as an individual. And your partner needs to be ready and committed. It would be incredibly unfair to foist this upon him before he's prepared for it.

Broodness never killed anyone. Wait it out until you're both ready.

Patsyandeddie · 13/01/2015 22:21

Hold your horses honey, you have years ahead of you. You obviously worked hard to get to university, don't throw it all away, you can have children for the next 20 years.
Your partner feels a bit pressurised, please don't push it. What people your age don't realise is that you can only be 22 once, enjoy it, there is so much time to have children in the future. I had the best fun in the world from 20-30, never to be repeated unfortunately, don't tie yourself down too soon! X

LadyLuck10 · 13/01/2015 22:23

Yanbu but you're only 22, and have many, many reasons to not have a child right now. It's not only about being broody, you need to be stable, independent and also with someone who wants the same.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 13/01/2015 22:54

22 is really not that young to be starting a family

But age is not as important as circumstances, uni isn't much of a barrier but living with parents is far from ideal. And of course it would be awful to pressure a reluctant dp into having a child

But if it's something that is really important to you then why not work on the circumstances that need to change and figure out how long it will take to get you there

It can be hard having children younger but it can also be easier in some ways Smile

SoonToBeSix · 13/01/2015 23:00

I had my first dd age 20 , I wouldn't change her for the world. However I am now 37 and my youngest ( twins) are ten months. I have so much more patience and trust my own instincts far more than I did when my eldest was a baby.
Enjoy your youth while you can Smile

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 13/01/2015 23:15

I got pg at 22 (accidentally) and now at nearly 34 I really wish I'd waited until my late twenties at least to have dc. Friends who spent their twenties having fun, progressing their careers, buying houses etc are now in a much better position than me, most of them have only had kids in the last couple of years.

I think it's totally natural to feel broody. If we were 'in the Wild' you'd probably have had your first baby about 8 years ago. Your body is telling you it's what you need to do. But believe me it's far better to wait until you are in the right situation, my life has been a constant struggle for the last 12 years. My dc haven't had an easy ride of it either. Enjoy uni with no responsibilities, I'm in the first year of my degree too and as a single mum of 2 I am so envious of the young people on my course who are just able to study and enjoy themselves.

Original poster
BroodySince22 · 14/01/2015 10:03

Thanks guys you're all right? I should try to enjoy my youth and freedom while I can :) and yes Littlefluffyclouds81 it's probably natural instincts kicking in, we'd all have babies at an early age in the wild I guess :)

Just also abit fustrated that although we aren't ready to move out right now (not enough money for deposit on a house, I'm still at uni), I've asked Partner if he'd like the idea of moving out in a few years and suggested that although we aren't ready to now, we could at least save up to get a house in the future. His reply was "oh I'll have to be boring and save for the next few years then" and I thought how is it boring?? Its exciting saving up for your first house! Theres a great lack of enthusiasm on his part and its left me feeling deflated even though he agrees he'd like to move out in the future. He's probably just too comfortable with his mum doing everything for him but he cant live with her forever... just fail to see how he sees it as boring... burst my elated bubble :/

OP posts:
thornyhousewife · 14/01/2015 10:18

I started feeling broody when I was 22 so I had kids. It's worked out well for us, I'm so glad I did it then.

It might not necessarily be better for you to wait until later in life.

Rebecca2014 · 14/01/2015 10:20

I was 22 when I married and had a baby...I am now at 25 separated and a single mum. I have no idea why I felt the need to rush everything, you are only young once and the chances are you could have another baby aged 33 (as that's still young) and then your just be going through the whole baby stage again...so you never got that freedom even at an older age.

It also sounds like your boyfriend is immature and is not anywhere near ready for a baby let alone to move out of his mummy house. But my brother at 22 is the same, if you really wanted a baby you would need be with an older man at your age.. But don't have a baby anyway!! lol.

formerbabe · 14/01/2015 11:51

Broodiness is biology! Babies are cute, we really want one, the human race continues...it doesn't mean it is the right time to have one.

By the way, if a relationship is rocky then nothing will split you up faster than a baby will.

Honestly, finish uni, have fun, go on holidays, get a job, find a man who will be an amazing dad!

GlitteryLipgloss · 14/01/2015 11:55

Look after one for 24 hours first. It's not so cute at 11pm, 1am, 3:30am, 4:30am, 5am, 6:30am, 7:30am....and all day the next day.

It's freaking hard, and freaking expensive!

Live your life more first!

CurlyBlueberry · 14/01/2015 12:12

Agree with IAmNotAPrincess. I was very very broody at 22 and got pregnant at 23... However by then I had two degrees, was married, we owned our own place and we both wanted a child. I'm so glad I had my children when I did, it's not always right for everyone to wait just as it's not always right to have them younger.

If it's 'just' broodiness for a baby then try and put it away within your mind and enjoy what you have currently. If you can't do that, and you genuinely want a child then work on making the circumstances right for yourself.

Sickoffrozen · 14/01/2015 12:31

Your fella might not even be the one for life at 22. If I had my time again, I would have played the field a lot more when younger and looked to settle down in my late 20's and start a family early 30's.

TrixAreForKids · 14/01/2015 14:11

i'm 19 and in no way ready to raise a child.
i really, really want one though.
yanbu at all

jellybeans · 14/01/2015 15:02

YANBU. I had 2 by 21 and 4 by 25. (And another in my 30s!)

I don't regret it at all

BUT we were soooo poor! And people really judged me (most people in my area are well over 30 when they have DC).

Also it is so much harder to study or get a degree etc with children in tow. It's not impossible, I have almost finished my degree and loved being a SAHM (but it isn't for everyone), but life can be chaos (maybe as I have a few DC though!)

I would finish your degree first and then start a family once you have a place of your own.

Fatalatomo · 14/01/2015 15:08

I felt very broody when I was younger (to the point of crying at nappy adverts!) at 21 I decided not to have children due to medical reasons, partner not wanting any more and having step children.

I'm 30 now and really really do not want to have children even if my circumstances changed! I'm so very glad I didn't just do it as soon as I felt the need as the feeling the other way are so strong now.

Iv still got time to change my mind and il cross that bridge if it comes

Obviously everyone is different and that's just my experience.

I think my point you have time to wait you may not want to as is your choice but you don't need to rush

MagpieCursedTea · 14/01/2015 15:19

YANBU I felt exactly the same at your age, right down to kind of wishing for accidental pregnancy. I didn't have DS until I was 30. I'm really glad I waited as I got all the need to party out of my system, I'm in a stable relationship (which I wasn't at that age even though I was desperately in love - long story) and I also own my home outright so I'm in a good financial position. Plus being a mam is harder (but also more amazing) than I could ever imagined.

SoggyOldBiscuit · 14/01/2015 15:23

I understand the broody feeling. I was unbelievably broody at your age and we went on to have our first DC at 25.

We did wait until I was over thirty to have our other DC, as we were trying to save up for a house. I don't regret having the first one earlier though, I found being a mum so much easier at that age as I bounced back from the pregnancy and had much more energy.

I did wish though that I had finished studying and established a career before starting a family. Studying for a degree with a baby was tricky at times, especially in my final year. I felt out of place amongst the other students as well, they were all planning nights out together while I was rushing to get to nursery pick-up on time.

I think you should definitely finish studying first and then make a plan with your DP about the future. If he wants to wait another 10 years to have a child and you really don't, you will be better off finding someone who has a similar timescale to you.

Sophieelmer · 14/01/2015 15:25

I felt broody from about 14. An accidental preynancy would never have been a disaster in my eyes. However I didn't start trying until my career was up and running. I am now very glad of that.

YoureawizardHarry · 14/01/2015 15:27

I could have pretty much written your post, I am almost 22, in my second year of uni and am so broody! DP would love a baby (together 6 years, buying a house this year) but right now is just not the right time. I have no advice just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel!

BreeVDKamp · 14/01/2015 15:42

I was broody for years before I got pregnant, probably since I was about 12 (pregnant with dc1 now at 25)! I think it's just part of life for many young women! I am a planner so saw the benefits of waiting until we were married and owned a property. Got engaged at 21, married at 22, homeowner at 23, and even then this pregnancy was a semi-surprise and a bit scary!

It sounds like your DP isn't ready for the practicalities of a child, which is understandable at 22. If I were you I'd get my degree (I didn't go to uni!), travel travel travel (if you want to), have fun doing everything you want to do. It might only be a year or 2 until you decide you've had enough of being frivolous and really want to settle down :) but once you decide to, that's it! (Or at least assume that's it, and then any other frivolous spending you get to do post DC is a bonus :) )

Original poster
BroodySince22 · 14/01/2015 15:48

Just want to thank you all so much for your comments, they've all opened my mind up a lot more. It's interesting to be told others' experiences :) perhaps Partner will grow out of his immaturity by the time I'm at despair broodiness in the future lol! Just don't want to be too old moving out and don't want to be having young children at the age of 40+ but maybe I'm just paranoid having kids will never happen xx

OP posts:
Gemzybelle · 14/01/2015 15:49

I had my DD at 21 and wouldn't change that for anything in the world, she is a darling. But I'm now, 10 years later, pregnant with DD2 and feel so much more ready and prepared for the responsibility of bringing up a small child now than I ever did when I was younger.

Concentrate on you for now Smile

VenusRising · 14/01/2015 15:59

Broody, I know it's sounds strange, but have you thought about seeing your GP and changing your pill?
You sound absolutely normal and fine btw, but I remember one pill I was on made me baby crazy, and I changed to one which suited me much better.

Have a gynae work up as well to put your mind at rest that you do indeed have plenty of time and are not going into premature menopause or something like that.

Also, your bf sounds like a baby himself. Maybe treat him as one of those relationships not to last the course, and rightly.

Set your sights higher!

maudpringles · 14/01/2015 16:01

I had our dd at just gone 22 and another dd soon after and have never regretted or doubted our decision for one second because it was the right one at the right time, in the right place and that is what matters most