To be upset by friends reaction to business idea?

[Collectorofcookbooks]

I've been working on a business plan for an idea I had about a year ago, doing my research and gradually getting my head around the realities, limitations and pitfalls of actually launching it.

Also the fun exciting bits - but I'm endeavouring to be realistic!

I haven't told many people as I just want to see whether it all stacks up before I decide to go for it, but I've been committed to it for quite a while now.

I told a very good friend of mine, who's professionally very successful and whose opinion I value, about it at the weekend. Her reaction was to laugh and to tell me I should put my energies into coming up with something which didn't sound like a business run by a character in a Katie Fforde or Catherine Alliot novel.

For what it's worth, as far as I'm aware, it doesn't appear in any novel anywhere!

I can't shake it, she's really upset me about it. If it turns out that it doesn't stack up then I won't do it, I'm not stupid, but she was the first person I opened up to about it personally (aside from DH) and now I feel like everyone will laugh at me, although the professionals I've spoken to about it think it has merit and could be a goer if done properly.

She messaged me yesterday to say that she doesn't doubt my ability to make it fly - now I'm even more confused.

I'm not about to dump the idea and run, but I know that she'll keep pressing me on what I'm doing with it and ostensibly making helpful Comments whilst making digs.

She's just - I don't know - touched a nerve or something.

AIBU to think she could at least have come up with something positive rather than just raining on my parade?!

She sounds tactless and actually a bit mean. I bet she's reflected on her comments and realised, hence texting you a boost. Listen to the experts and have confidence in your idea. Maybe think twice about opening up to her in future. Tell her you're keeping it under wraps every time she asks.

YANBU, it was a negative and unhelpful comment. Perhaps she didn't realise how much time you've spend researching this business, and how serious you are about it?

If she has genuine reservations about practicalities, or constructive criticism, then that's different. But if she keeps making useless digs, then I would just stop talking to her about it altogether. If professionals have told you that your idea is sound then I doubt people will be laughing at you. Good luck with your business!

Be careful who you confide in. Speaking from experience there are far too many people willing to stab you in the back to steal an idea.

It sounds like she looked at it from a "would I use this product/service" point of view rather than from a proprietor point of view. Now she realised that she hurt you and is back peddling.

Best of luck with your business OP!

You'll need to toughen up if you want to start a business I'm afraid.

You say you value her opinion so perhaps she was trying to tell you it's a rubbish business idea, and using to laughter to lighten the moment?

It's hard to say with such little info but if you believe in your idea than go for it and good luck

all businesses, even good ones, have their critics. ever watched dragon's den and the businesses none of them will invest in? some of those businesses will make it in spite of criticisms of the professionals, and some won't.

What kind of business is it? if it's not a mainstream sort of idea then you are likely to get more criticism than not in the beginning because it's not necessarily something people will immediately identify with. that being said, it is better that your friend is critical if she genuinely doesn't think it's such a good idea, because all too often friends and family will be over confidently supportive and talk up the idea to the person who is then disappointed when others not so close to home express doubts.

To be perfectly blunt it sounds as though she thinks your idea is shit.

Some people will.

She is giving you some great (and free) training in resilience and allowing you to test how strongly you feel about this idea. Some people won't like it. They won't buy it. They might laugh at you. So what?? People laughed at Richard Branson and James Dyson and countless others.

So, chalk it up and be prepared to offer her some shares in the business when it all goes gangbusters and you are on The Times Rich List!

Its hard to say without knowing about the business. Lots of people will tell you its a great idea because no one likes that awkward conversation otherwise. Your friend has told you something you don't want to hear. Only you can really figure out if she has a point.

(I know someone who has been trying to launch a business for ages. There is NO market for it. He keeps consulting people who tell him his product is great whilst making sure they aren't actually linked to it themself. It is not good to watch.)

and what worra said.

As a business owner you will come in for much criticism. from people who just think it's a shit idea and have nothing constructive to say, to customers who don't think you're doing a very good job, to reviewers who will put you down purely because they can.

who's professionally very successful

Hard to say. It could be a case of her being the 'successful' one in your friendship and you might be upsetting the balance, I can't see how her comment was in any way constructive or offering any kind of business advice or opinion.

I wouldn't discuss it any further with her, but yeah, you need to toughen up a bit. I'm sure you'll hear worse if you do start up. I started my own business late last year from home, now looking to move into commercial premises and it's amazing how many people you'd think would be supportive offer a negative view/opinion (thanks mum!). I just smile sweetly, tell them my business plan stacks up, and cut the conversation there.

If she's professionally successful maybe she's jealous of you having the freedom and time to do what you want rather than being constrained by employment? She's obviously been reading those kind of books to be able to name specific authors off the cuff, maybe it's her Big Dream and you're about to make it into a reality

I really don't know those authors or their novels - so it's difficult to tell how cutting she was being or if she was just being lighthearted.
If it's something like "opening a shabby chic bookshop with cupcake business" then I can see how that would be like a character from a chic lit book. Although that doesn't mean it also can't be successful. If your business idea is something that could be a plot line in a novel then I think you need to get used to those kind of reactions and go with it - tell people it's life imitating art or fantasy come true or something.

I already run one successful business but this idea just won't let go of me, it's been niggling away at me ever since I had it! But I need to balance the two and see if I can take the risk - it's a bit of a leap in terms of product but everything else I've done before.

It's a subscription service for a particular kind of product, in essence. Not terribly niche but although there's one other firm in the UK who do it they do it generally whilst my idea is specific to a genre and not quite the same as their business model.

Trying not to give too much away

I totally agree that I don't want to be surrounded by overly enthusiastic folk and get let down if it flops, but a bit of positivity wouldn't hurt!

Not a cupcake in sight, I promise you!

Yes she does come up with a lot of business ideas herself - but this would in no way steal her thunder or be a threat.

Normally I'm really tough and quite pragmatic about this kind of thing but for some reason she's really got to me (and yes, my mum was the same about my first business, which only made me work all the harder!)

Why not prove a bit further with her? Say "Friend, I was a bit thrown by your reaction to my business idea. I'd like to understand a bit more about what prompted that response from you. Please can you tell me what your concerns/hesitations are about the idea? Obviously I want to do the best job possible with this so if you can help me pinpoint weak points I otherwise wouldn't have spotted, that would be very helpful."

Probe! Not prove!

If you are sure it is a goer, and have had professional advice that agrees, then go for it.

As a pp mentioned above, some Dragons Den rejects have done extremely well. (I'm thinking of the Trunki, mainly)

Laughter doesn't always mean derision. I think this was a harmless case of foot in mouth :) Maybe it does sound like something the characters in a novel she's read would do - to her, anyway - and she laughed at the connection her mind had made, not your project.

She has realised she might have upset you. Perhaps she doesn't realise quite how much store you set by her opinion. If you need more constructive feedback from her, why not ask what she thinks about specific elements of your plan?

Good luck with it all!

I have foot in mouth like this, and i always see the negatives in ideas (in fact if you want a reason not to do a business idea, float it past me i'm great at that)

I know that gets on people's tits, Angel, but it's actually a useful quality! If more people checked for hurdles & obstacles, there'd be fewer cock-ups.

It might be kind to ask/warn people first, though

OP, YABU. I don't think you should take this personally. You wanted her opinion as a professional who you respect (rather than specifically as a friend), and you got it. Sounds fair to me. Maybe she has a point. Does the idea involve any kind of 'shabby chic' furniture, baking or needlework, by any chance?

Incidentally, if you're that thin skinned, please don't post your business idea on AIBU; the last person that did (an aspiring cafe/coffee shop owner) had her idea - and her dreams - torn to shreds.

Haha! Ooops! I see I've already been beaten to the shabby-chic-cupcake-cliche by other posters! I'm glad I wasn't the only one who immediately thought of those things!

OP she was a bit of a cow. But if you are going to go ahead with this prepare for people to be rude about your self employment in a way they wouldn't be about other people's line of work.

I run my own company and despite running it sucessfully for two years and now doing it full time, I still get people, some of them quite close to me, sneeringly asking why someone would want to use my products, that it is too expensive and that the product won't work.

You don't need to put up to people being rude to you but you do noeed to be prepared for it.

Ha, sneering! Can I digress?

This happened with two different male relatives, who worked in a related field:-

Him: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a Web developer.
Him: You mean a website developer.
Me: No, I mean Web developer.
Him: [with exaggerated patience] A Web developer actually develops for the whole Web, you know, coding the way it works! You build websites.
Me: I do build websites, and I also develop for the whole Web.
Him:
Me:

Before I got all netty, I used to work on the business end of a well-known newspaper. This happened, like, a million times:-

Them: Oh, that nasty paper for the uneducated masses?
Me: Yes, it's big business!
Them: But it's so naff, why do you publish such tripe?
Me: Well, Xty million readers don't think it's tripe.
Them: You shouldn't print articles saying ABC!
Me: I don't write or print the paper. I do the business part.
Them: Well, you shouldn't print naff articles.
Me:

Basically, there's always somebody telling you [a] You don't know what your own job is, and [b] You're doing it wrong.

I don't feel OP's friend was one of them, though!

Thanks for all your thoughts. She's just sent me a long message with various completely improbably schemes she thinks would be much more viable. I'm extremely happy to have constructive criticism and value the experience of others but it seems like there's more going on here. I've emailed back with the probing questions suggested above.

There's no furniture, baking, needlework or coffee shop involved, I promise! In fact I am going for quite a low risk option compared to the overheads a premises would incur.

I'll try to get over myself