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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go on holiday

27 replies

LittleMiss77 · 13/01/2015 08:20

my OH is pestering me to book a holiday to the Canary Islands in late March and I don't want to go.

I'm currently 14+4 and i'm still feeling a little peaky and i'm ready for bed come 830pm. Whilst my pregnancy hasn't been complicated to date, I feel uneasy about going away, this feeling is compounded by the fact that I am a very nervous flier(?) I hate it - I get anxious, sick and jittery and all sense of reason and logical thought goes out the window when I know I have to get on an aeroplane.

I don't think that me being in this state will do the baby much good.

On top of this - we have discussed finances with regards to maternity leave and it looks as though I will have to go back to work 6 months after the baby is born as we will be low on cash - this is not ideal, but if that's what needs to be done, so be it. This given, i'm loathe to spend what money I do have on a week in Tenerife, when I could be saving it and putting it towards maternity/baby items/saving to allow me a little more flexibility in how much time I have off.

OH is saying IBU - am I?

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 13/01/2015 08:32

Yanbu, but neither is he in wanting to have one last child free holiday.

There has to be a compromise somewhere. Would you feel better going somewhere where you know has good healthcare (I have no idea what it's like in Tenerife) or on a holiday where you could drive or get on a boat? Maybe somewhere cheaper in this country?

Aussiemum78 · 13/01/2015 08:34

Why not go somewhere within driving distance?

Can you even get travel insurance at that gestation?

Bowlersarm · 13/01/2015 08:42

I can totally understand him wanting a final child free holiday. What about getting train/drive to south of France if you hate flying so much?

Original poster
LittleMiss77 · 13/01/2015 08:49

I have suggested a cottage in the UK or going somewhere with a 2hr flight time (the most I think I could manage) but the response I get is 'it wont be warm enough'

I totally see where he is coming from in terms of wanting that last holiday kiddie-free, I just don't see why it has to be a 4 hr flight away

OP posts:
girlywhirly · 13/01/2015 08:52

I can see why OH might want to have a holiday before the baby comes. However I think he could be more considerate of your fear of flying. The Canaries is a 4hr flight. You could have a break in the spring/early summer when you are feeling better, somewhere you don't need to fly to.

I also think that if having a holiday is going to stretch you financially, you need to look at what you can afford easily. It can be miserable when you can't even afford a takeaway because you're too tired to cook after the baby comes.

If he won't address the money and fear of flying issues he is BU. If you don't help him find a mutually satisfactory holiday that you can afford YAB a bit U.

Catsize · 13/01/2015 08:54

Do something unusual in the UK and do things you won't be able to do easily post-children - cinema, theatre, meals out etc. Maybe a weekend break?

I really really wanted to go away before Christmas but couldn't afford it as I am the main earner and had time off unpaid after my daughter was born (the joys of self-employment!). It is fine now. I don't miss not going away (dies that make sense?!). If you don't go away, he will get over it and you will have extra time on maternity.

Catsize · 13/01/2015 08:55

This is assuming you live in the UK!

Mammanat222 · 13/01/2015 09:09

I went away at 8 weeks. I'm a recurrent miscarriage sufferer (4 in total) and had it not been already booked and paid for I'd not have gone. We also had a 20 month old toddler.

I actually had a lovely time. Lots of lazy hours reading round the pool. Toddler was shattered after a bit of swimming so was having 2 hour + naps most days. We ate out every night and were back in the apartment by 9pm. It was most unlike any other holiday we've had before [we normally do lots, drink lots] but it was a perfect break.

If you really dont want to go then of course refuse but it may be something you enjoy / benefit from when you get there.

Brummiegirl15 · 13/01/2015 09:10

The 4 hr flight is nothing compared to driving to France .

And yes you can get travel insurance for flying when pregnant as pregnancy is not classed as an illness. As long as you are under 28 weeks or 36 weeks with a fit to fly note from MW.

I have to say flying whilst pregnant doesn't bother me, but a very long car journey would! But it's horses for courses and everyone has a different opinion.

My feeling is you don't want to go to Tenerife because you don't like flying and don't want to get on the plane. Which is absolutely fair enough but you should make that clear. Your DP is not being unreasonable wanting a child free break before baby so maybe find a compromise

carabos · 13/01/2015 09:12

Lighthearted advice: My friend and her husband go on a gorgeous holiday to Barbados every March. She hates flying, hates being away from home (grown up kids so that's not the problem), but her DH works hard and the holiday is his main indulgence. Every year they have the argument about whether to go or not and always end up going with her moaning about it to anyone who will listen.

Anyway, she's tried a new tactic this year. Instead of waiting until he has booked it and paid the deposit before kicking off, she took matters into her own hands before Xmas and "inadvertently " caused 5k of damage to his car. Result- no holiday. Over to you Wink.

Dazedconfused · 13/01/2015 09:13

I flew at 22 weeks for 5 hours and think you would be the same my insurance said was fine up to 28 weeks and then would need a Dr's letter. so the practicality of being pregnant is not an issue.

However, it really does not sound like you want to go and getting anxious will not do you or your baby any good and surely the point of a pre baby holiday is to relax which it does not sound like you will do if you have to fly...I spent an entire week on a sun lounger and read 5 books (have not read a whole book since and now have a 4 month old and can't imagine reading one for a while despite trying at night).

Sorry I appear to have forgotten how to write in sentences but long and short of it is no yanbu. have a holiday somewhere you can drive or boat to

muminhants · 13/01/2015 09:19

Why not go to the Channel Islands? Jersey is lovely and the weather could be amazing (no guarantees though). We went to Guernsey for an early Easter in 2012 and had great weather except one day.

ZenNudist · 13/01/2015 09:33

I went to turkey at 26 weeks and loved the holiday but long flight was hell. Mind you we had 3 yo ds who needed medical attention on the flight and I got a stiff neck that cause much pain. Not pregnancy related problems.

I really appreciated the Break and last hol with just one dc.

However if not going on hol means you get another month of mat leave then this is more important for the baby.

Agree if it's your first you need to get out loads and have a break of some sort for the good of your relationship.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/01/2015 09:45

I have got less keen on flying the last few years so I sympathise but sounds like your DH fancies a break before you have the baby. I was going to suggest Jersey or Guernsey but muminhants beat me to it.

carabos very inventive of your friend Shock

minibmw2010 · 13/01/2015 09:48

Go, have a nice time, honestly !! You'll probably feel a lot better come May and once you have your LO you'll be wishing you'd gone and taken that lost opportunity to relax and have one-to-one time with your DH.

minibmw2010 · 13/01/2015 09:48

Come 'March', sorry. I wish we could edit these posts ...

aftereight · 13/01/2015 09:57

YANBU given your fear of flying. Could you compromise by taking the ferry to San Sebastian area in N Spain?

TracyBarlow · 13/01/2015 10:03

Well I don't think YABU and I don't think your husband should force you to go but.....

Honestly, now I have 2 kids and one on the way I wish, wish, wish I'd appreciated my child-free holidays just a little bit more. I would love to sit on a beach and not have to constantly scan the horizon to check my child isn't prodding a jellyfish or wading into the sea. You can't ever really fully relax on holiday when you have children. I think I'd suck up the flight if I were you and go along and have a good time. I think you'll be glad you did it.

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 13/01/2015 10:17

I remember going away when pg with DC1. Technically it was child free, but in reality it wasn't. I'm not a big drinker but it really wasn't the same sitting out if an evening with a glass of juice. Checking absolutely everything I ate. No water parks. I was too hot (5 months pg - same gestation as OP will be). It was ok. It definitely wasn't something I look back on and think of as a blissful last getaway. I wouldn't be opposed to a couple of short, cheap trips away, but given money is a concern, I definitely wouldn't be looking to a week in Tenerife.

Babiecakes11 · 13/01/2015 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShatterResistant · 13/01/2015 14:52

I was going to say what tracybarlow said, that I wish I'd appreciated those child-free carefree holidays more when I had the chance. Holidaying with children is wonderful, but it's just not relaxing at ALL! But then I remembered, we did exactly what your DH is proposing - a last holiday before baby, chance to relax and let our hair down before the crushing responsibility kicked in. I was 5 months pregnant, and the truth is, we didn't have a great time. We were already responsible for the baby, and I kept thinking of all the things I could be doing at home to prepare. I'm glad we went, but it was the last hurrah we imagined it would be. Add in fear of flying and financial strain, and it definitely wouldn't have been worth it to us.

ShatterResistant · 13/01/2015 14:54

wasn't the last hurrah, sorry!

Original poster
LittleMiss77 · 13/01/2015 17:13

Thanks for your comments everyone.

one thing that will annoy DH will be the fact I cant use the water slides (we always have to visit the local water park when we're away. DH is in his early 40s...)

I think I'll have a chat and see if we can compromise!

x

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 13/01/2015 18:33

YANBU at all. If finances will not allow you to take as much maternity leave as you'd like, then a holiday is not a priority. I'd work out how much extra time the holiday money would let you spend at home with your baby and show him.

Sn00p4d · 13/01/2015 18:42

I went on holiday pregnant, granted it was booked long before we conceived but it was awful.
I really wouldn't do it again. Although we went to Vegas, hardly relaxing and hardly suitable for a sober person! I had bleeds while away and did nothing but panic the full time, the day after I returned I had a serious scare which, although nothing to do with the flight, was bad timing if coincidental.
Neither of you are being unreasonable, it's tricky, it comes down to what you're comfortable with, there's no risk if you're having a healthy pregnancy, just make sure you have the right travel insurance mine cost a fortune

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