Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider changing nursery already?

40 replies

tantruminator · 12/01/2015 19:08

nc as IRL it will be immediately obvious who I am to friends

DC started nursery today after a settling session last week. I arrived to find him walking around with scissors (I was a little annoyed but assumed safety scissors till I noticed how pointed they were) a staff then took them off him and apologised saying they fell out of her pocket when she noticed me trying to persuade him to give them to me. I know mistakes happen so wasn't going to make a fuss...

Then DS ran round the room completely overexcited and out of control and threw a ball at the lights which I then noticed 2 of them (flourescent tubes) had no safety covers on. Admittedly I was in the room but I expected a staff to remove the ball, or tell him not to or at least give some assistance to him getting to grips with it being home time, he hadn't been prepared in any way whatsoever that I was coming... but then I think they were too busy really. I asked where his coat and gloves were and it seemed to take ages before anybody knew and found his jumper as well

DS then had an almighty tantrum when asked to leave which staff just laughed over saying oh well he likes it here while I was dying of embarrassment and could really have done with some help in him having been prepared that I would be coming to get him etc, I had even phoned to say what time I was coming

I also have been given odd hours for him which given he is prone to tantrums I don't think will help when he seems to be in need of routines as every day will have to be different start and finish (bed and getting up I mean in order to get through the day)

I'd like to know though, am I just being an over protective mum of a difficult pfb?

Should I raise things with the nursery and give it some time?

Currebtly thinking I will check out another with a view to move him but is this just nerves talking?

OP posts:
quietbatperson · 12/01/2015 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 19:18

Thanks quietbatperson see I personally shudder at CFLs and the small chance they could break and release Mercury... But assumed that was just me as an anxious person being OTT. If this is a real valid concern then I think I prob should speak to the nursery... Just hard to know what or how to say anything

OP posts:
FreeWee · 12/01/2015 19:26

If you aren't comfortable with the place you are leaving your son 'in loco parentis' you would be perfectly reasonable to find somewhere you are comfortable.

Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 19:53

Thanks... I think I will likely move him no point me feeling more stressed out by sending him. How on earth do I word it? Shock

OP posts:
Mumm300 · 12/01/2015 20:03

No you are not being unreasonable. It sounds like chaos. But please dont be embarrassed by tantrums he's probably exhausted. Can you play with him for a few minutes before leaving and let him know you will be going in 5/4/3 minutes, talk about what hes done during the day andwhat you will do when you get home, so its a more pleasant relaxed transition?

Mumm300 · 12/01/2015 20:12

RE what to say -tell them you need a place where the hours are regular to fit in with your job and/or his needs. You are the customer here. Check out the opposition if other nursey can offer the hours you want and are less chaotic just move him. Perhaps you can sus out other nurseries first by visiting unannounced?
OR leave it a few days then just say you dont think he is settling - different nurseries fit different children no fault with having to move him.

phoenixrose314 · 12/01/2015 20:17

I echo Mumm300, don't ever be embarrassed by tantrums - the nursery staff will have seen much worse! I both send my DS to nursery and am a nursery teacher myself so know of what I speak! The nursery staff could probably sense your discomfort and were making a joke about him liking it here to put you at ease - it is the sort of thing I would do.

Your DS is going to need time to adjust to the new place and the new sense of transition he has never had to acclimatise himself to before - my DS struggles with transitions and I ease his difficulty by telling him what is going to happen next and then counting to 10 so he has that amount of time to prepare himself. 8 times out of 10 it works...

Good luck, I have felt your pain and know how hard it must be for you x

UngratefulMoo · 12/01/2015 20:18

If you don't feel comfortable then yes, you should move him, but perhaps try talking to them first. I had some issues with DD's nursery in that after a couple of weeks I collected her one day and found two pieces of glass in her mouth. I was beside myself and made an appointment to talk to the nursery manager. They were absolutely brilliant - launched a full investigation, re-trained staff and launched a new H&S policy that they communicated to all parents.

Partly because of how they responded to my complaint I decided to stay and DD is really happy.

The scissors thing is a major concern but FWIW I think YABU unreasonable to expect them to get all the kids ready to be collected. I don't think that's their responsibility.

Littlef00t · 12/01/2015 20:29

The nursery is likely to be a little more chaotic at the moment as there are new children joining and existing children have had a break and are out of routine. The staff will hopefully seem more on the ball soon.

The health and safety issues I'd just speak to them about and hope they can resolve.

The different start times sounds really random and hard to manage, have they explained why this is obligatory?

Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 21:02

The different start times is just what hours they had available to him, but I can't see him getting his head round spending a full day then nothing till half a day at the end of the week as his routine when his behaviour is crying out for routines atm

OP posts:
TiggyD · 12/01/2015 21:41

Scissors can be a one off. No cover on lights? Sounds more dodgy as that's day on day ignoring an issue.

Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 21:43

That's a more reasonable way of putting my concern Tiggy thank you, I think that's the issue perhaps more so. Oh god how am I going to ring them/speak to them to ask about light covers???

OP posts:
Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 21:46

Littlefoot you do make a good point actually, it may get less chaotic once kids have settled in.

I can appreciate they don't have time to get each kid ready I guess, but don't think it would have taken much to tell DS to start winding down and tidying up what he was doing as mummy would be coming. I think something as simple as that could have prevented the almighty tantrum I was greeted with iyswim

OP posts:
Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 21:50

Ungratefulmoo that sounds so frightening I'm glad they handled it so well.

I'd almost feel easier about confronting them if it was something so obvious, I'm worried they'll laugh and decide I'm THAT parent and therefore not take me seriously but maybe I shouldn't feel that way.

It was a staff with the scissors who I happen to like, DS obviously likes and she did aplogise straightaway so to raise it almost seems like I'm dismissing her apology and getting her in trouble uneccessarily

OP posts:
myfallingstar · 12/01/2015 21:52

Have you thought about a childminder

Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 21:52

Thanks to those saying I shouldn't be embarrassed over tantrums. I find it more humiliating that I used to work in a nursery one to one with an autistic little boy who had meltdowns... But found that easier than my own child's tantrums and seemed to be able to make progress there. With my own DS who has no diagnosis, he just descends into problem child behaviour and I feel helpless when it happens, esp as the rest he's an angel!

OP posts:
Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 21:55

Thing is we don't need childcare (SAHM) which is really why iv avoided childminders, I just want him to go somewhere to play etc and have some respite from each other so I can do some studying etc

OP posts:
scottgirl · 12/01/2015 21:59

YANBU. I have had a discussion today with DS's (just turned 3) pre-school regarding them feeding him whole grapes. If they are putting your child in danger never feel silly for being 'That Parent'. I'm with you X

Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 22:03

Mumm300 you make some good points I think I will check out some others tomorrow actually and then at least have some more for comparison

OP posts:
Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 22:06

Thanks scottgirl

I must say everyone is being rather gentle with me tonight on AIBU which is encouraging and building my confidence that it's worth speaking to them properly about things before withdrawing him and at least giving them a chance to show if they will remedy things or just laugh - if they fob me off then it's a clear signal to pull him out I guess

OP posts:
scottgirl · 12/01/2015 22:28

You are right. I have insisted on staying with DS for the past 2 sessions. (after witnessing him being given whole grapes) I wanted him to go to this pre school so I could have a break for 2 1/2 hours per week as I have NO other time to do things, husband works away and have no family help (he goes to another excellent nursery 2 days a week while I'm at work and I trust them as I have also observed him there and he runs in all happy but this nursery is far away where I work).

I am not happy with what I have seen these past two half day sessions. Have spoken to the room staff and manager about my concerns (and was about to start an AIBU thread). Also I am upset seeing other children crying for their Mums and my DS being hit by other children :(

Have also seen some children get hysterical when they see parents at collection time so perhaps your DS is OK the rest of the time. It's so hard isn't it.

UngratefulMoo · 12/01/2015 23:00

Yes exactly - it all depends how they deal with it. If DD's nursery had tried to brush it off or been defensive it would have been a massive red flag. The more I think about it the more I think running around with sharp scissors is quite a serious issue.

Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 23:13

It IS SO hard Scottsgirl. I kind of wish DS was the sort of child who would want his mummy there so I could spy a bit more on things as Id love to see a full session in swing but DS ran in (as he usually does anywhere) just announcing "hello everybody" and getting down to business playing without a backwards glance. I have to ask for a hug and kiss goodbye Sad or I wouldn't be remembered to give one to

I know he napped, ate, used the potty and joined in fine etc which are all good signs

OP posts:
Original poster
tantruminator · 12/01/2015 23:18

Ungrateful moo your right it really is quite serious... But then she apologised etc, so it seems unfair to raise that when she has already addressed it?

I suppose I could point out that although he's happy and gets on with things he also can easily and quietly stick things in sockets, try to cut wires etc if left to explore without much direction therefore they shouldn't lapse into a false sense of security with him.

I feel like they will be thinking I'm just the mother who can't control her kid though (due to tantrum at home time) or who is negative about DS when he's an angel (because he certainly appears that way if your not watching closely enough) and mostly he is, but a split second is all it takes so I suppose I would like eyes in the back of their heads with him

OP posts:
irishe · 12/01/2015 23:27

I would definitely address any safety issues and see how they respond before withdrawing your child. Regarding tantrums, I have a 3 year old at day nursery. DC regularly bursts into tears when I come to collect. I think it is a mixture of sheer relief they are going home after a long day and joy at seeing a parent. Small children are easily overwhelmed by their emotions. For us it usually does not last long.

Swipe left for the next trending thread