Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel saddened by this? Feeling left out

12 replies

DallasBuyersClub · 12/01/2015 17:28

I think I need a massive slap.

I'm really close with two friends. On Saturday night one of them put over FB about them watching a movie together .... and I just felt would have been nice to invite me too but I'm not going to dwell on it as its perfectly ok to sometimes do things just the two of you.

I text one of the friends and asked if they were free for a catch up this week (had intended to do this before I'd see the FB thing). Friend text back and said yes I am, why don't we invite other friend too?

Obviously I can't say no. But it just makes me feel like its ok to leave me out of things

Stupid I know Sad

Sorry just needed to use this as an outlet I think.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 12/01/2015 17:29

Maybe it was a film you'd hate?

Fecking Hobbits.

FightOrFlight · 12/01/2015 17:37

Yes, you need a massive slap.

If you like both of them then why is it an issue if the other friend is invited along? I think you are taking thing waaaay too personally. Do you feel this way often when it comes to these friends? I hate to say it but sometimes we just get on that little bit better with one person than we do the other. Doesn't mean they are deliberately trying to cut you out of the friendship though.

xlibbyx · 12/01/2015 17:41

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all; I would be upset, too.

It seems as though they both think it's fine to exclude you but not each other.

RatherEmbarassed · 12/01/2015 17:47

Sorry but one of my biggest bug bears is when you have a group of friends and some of them feel they must invite everyone to everything and that people aren't allowed to see each other one or one or in a smaller group.

That said, I can see why it may sting a little, but being ok with other people wanting to spend time together without you and having quality time with friends without feeling guilty about others is part of growing up.

GatoNaranja · 12/01/2015 17:49

As a couple of one off incidents, I wouldn't think too much about this. Perhaps you need to just let things pan out a bit, I expect things will settle down again.

Do you feel threatened by one of them? I've have a bit of a strange experience recently where I introduced a friend to a friend and felt a bit excluded when they hit it off. I thought about my reactions over this as normally I have a 'more the merrier' attitude and decided that it was down to my feelings for each of my friends that was the root cause. Not anything they'd really done IYSWIM.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/01/2015 17:49

I would suggest to friend, mabey we can do something just 2 of us, it would be nice to catch up.

Nomama · 12/01/2015 17:51

NU, small tap rather than slap.

Now you know that you are Friend #2 to each of them.

Accept your place in the hierarchy and move on. Your placement will have little to do with you as a person, it will be more to do with a something that happened, an accident of geography, a quick conversation, shared memory or something.

In a couple of months that could easily change, these things should be fluid.

Writerwannabe83 · 12/01/2015 18:55

How is you asking to meet up for a catch up with just one of your friends any different to those two having a 'catch up film night' without you?

Aren't you doing the same thing you are complaining about by wanting to only have your catch up with one of the friends as opposed to both of them?

Your message doesn't imply you were wanting to meet up with both of them seeing as you said, "Obviously I can't say no..." at the suggestion of the other girl also being invited.

Apologies if I've misread or misunderstood though.

MadisonMontgomery · 12/01/2015 19:25

Could it be that the film was something they both like but you don't as much? I have 2 best friends, and one of them has the same taste in films etc as me - so certain films we watch just the two of us as our other friend isn't into it (and talks the whole way through!) I've never thought about it but I guess she might find it hurtful, but it honestly isn't anything personal!

tobysmum77 · 12/01/2015 19:54

yabu

why can't they meet up without you?

Runningupthathill82 · 12/01/2015 20:04

Yabu, sorry. I hate this sort of neediness in my friends and it makes me want to see them less, if I'm brutally honest.
I have friends who are like this, and get touchy if I see another person in the group without them.
Usually we'd only "leave someone out" because of a shared interest, or timetables coinciding, or just being in the same area at the same time - but it makes things so much harder when others get touchy about it.
I would much rather just be relaxed about it and see people when we want to, and when is convenient, rather than having to invite others out of politeness and making a casual drink into a big organised "thing."

itsnothingoriginal · 12/01/2015 20:14

YANBU - I would be upset by this too Sad

You don't need a slap or to apologise - it is hurtful when friends leave you out.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread