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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset by this manager's backhanded compliment?

14 replies

JammyGem · 12/01/2015 13:30

On a work night out last week, one of the managers from a different department started chatting to me. She said that she knew it had been really tough for my department in the last year, and "ignore what everyone says, you're doing a great job Jammy."

I've been really upset about it and it's made me paranoid about what other people must be saying and what my manager thinks of me, seeing as they all share an office together.

My colleague says she's just stirring and isn't very happy in her own job at the moment so is probably just taking it out on others, and that I should just ignore it. But I can't, it's really upset me

AIBU to be upset or should I just get over myself?

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 12/01/2015 13:33

I think I'd find it difficult to ignore too. If that happened to me I'd talk to my own manager about it but I appreciate that people's situations vary.

Marphe · 12/01/2015 13:41

Have you being doing a great job? I think whilst we all have our insecurities, we know deepdown if you're doing well or not.

Either way, I would ask my line manager for a performance review and repeat word for word what was said, as a reason for calling the meeting, then ask for feedback.

Original poster

JammyGem · 12/01/2015 15:29

I have spoken to my line managers who is very annoyed - she says that the other manager is out of order and completely unprofessional and to ignore her. She admits that another of my managers doesn't like me very much but pointed out that she has her few favourites and if you're not one of them she will moan about you, so to ignore that too and not to let it get to me.

Still can't help feeling that I must be crap at my job if people are saying these things. I try my best, have had no support or training and have done as best as I can - but this has really knocked my confidence.

OP posts:

PlantCurtain · 12/01/2015 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aridane · 12/01/2015 19:56

Well done for speaking to your line manager. Focus on what she has told you and try to put our of your mind what the other bitch of a manager said

CrystalSkull · 12/01/2015 20:15

That is so passive aggressive; it'd upset me, too. It's true that people leave managers rather than jobs, so perhaps if you've been there for 'long enough', it's time to start looking elsewhere? I'm in a similar situation with an awful, tactless manager, and I'm looking to leave as soon as practicable.

Nanny0gg · 12/01/2015 20:17

She admits that another of my managers doesn't like me very much but pointed out that she has her few favourites and if you're not one of them she will moan about you, so to ignore that too and not to let it get to me.

I wouldn't call that especially professional either!

Can you look elsewhere?

Original poster

JammyGem · 12/01/2015 22:16

I have been searching for another job but have not been having much luck. I'll keep applying and putting myself out there though, especially after this.

I keep switching between being really upset and really angry. I do my best and have often found myself in tears after a shift from the pressure, the last thing I need is to hear that some people are saying I'm not good at my job.

OP posts:

Original poster

JammyGem · 12/01/2015 22:19

I agree Nanny0gg, it's not very professional for her to moan about staff she doesn't like - there are a.couple of people I manage at work that aren't really my cup of tea and who I find it difficult to work with, but I'd never dream of slagging them off and saying they're shit at what they do.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 12/01/2015 22:28

Your manager telling you about the other one was a bit off too.

They all need management training if you ask me. Is there an HR dept?

AyMamita · 12/01/2015 22:52

In the nicest possible way I think you need to woman up. You sound articulate, intelligent and hardworking and I'm sure your performance is fine. Are you hitting targets? Have you asked for the support and training you need? When is your next review? It does not matter if not everyone at work "likes" you - focus on getting your work done and ignore the haterz.

Original poster

JammyGem · 12/01/2015 23:10

We've been told we don't have the time, staff, resources or funding for the support and training that we need. We don't have targets as such, but things run very smoothly. We also don't have performance reviews - I'm sure we're supposed to, but we don't have the time.

Basically, we're very under-staffed and overworked, which was what the manager meant by it being a tough year for our department.

OP posts:

Original poster

JammyGem · 12/01/2015 23:13

It's not so much about whether people like me but about if they think I'm doing a rubbish job - there are certainly people I don't get on with but I know they're good at what they do.

OP posts:

AyMamita · 13/01/2015 08:19

Have more faith in yourself. If your manager says you are doing fine, then you are. If you haven't already done so, it might help you feel more secure to get a copy of your job description and check yourself against it weekly so you can be sure you're doing what you're supposed to and focussing your energy on the right things.

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