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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have let my DD walk to school on her own?

50 replies

vintagecrap · 12/01/2015 10:28

She is 9 in a few days, we live a 3.5 minute walk from school.

since sept she has been asking to walk on her own. Its side streets and she has two tiny roads to cross. Most people walk to school, so there are always lots of people about.

The school doesnt like parents going inside the school gates, its a drop and go type thing where they go straight into school, rather than hang about in the playground for the bell.

This morning i let her walk halfway with next doors girl who is 8. I watched them go, and then went back, got in the car and drove past the gate and saw them go in, they were fine.

Thats ok isnt it?

OP posts:

unlucky83 · 12/01/2015 11:29

We live in a nice quiet safe area ...here quite normal for children to walk to school on their own from about 6 - common from 8. And if school have any concerns they contact the parents. And they phone if you haven't contacted them if absent before 9.20.
I have let my 7 yo go once on her own -because she really wanted to and a lot of her friends do (she's the youngest in the class) and she's quite sensible. Now I walk behind her and watch her from a distance. Its only 5 min walk.
She has to cross the 'main' road (still a quiet road) and there is a pelican crossing. I have told her not to cross just because it is green man - check the cars have realised and are stopping. She waits until cars have actually stopped...its quite funny to watch her...she will even let the lights change and not cross because someone has just slowed right down on the approach. .
I will continue to pick her up for a few years yet. If the weather is ok they tend to play after school for a bit - I wouldn't be happy unless she came straight home but that would spoil her fun. And also in case for some reason I'm not at home (broken down/had an accident etc). She would know to walk back to school but the school might not know and be expecting her.

TheMuppetsSingChristmas · 12/01/2015 11:30

Jesus wept, all this hand wringing, I'd actually be worried about an NT 9yo who couldn't manage a 3.5 minute walk with no main roads. OP it's fine, really it is, don't be afraid to trust your own judgement.

SignoraStronza · 12/01/2015 11:37

I let my just turned eight year old walk mostly to school on her own. I do cross her over the road though, as is an awkward bend and there are lots of lorries using it. Go in that direction anyway to drop dc2 at preschool. I am going to start doing a bit more road safety training with her though, and sending her to school the back way, as the crossing point there has lots more visibility. She'll always end up walking with someone she knows anyway.

ReallyTired · 12/01/2015 11:45

That absolutely fine. There is little a school can do to stop a nine year old walking to school by themselves whatever their policy says. They are hardly going to send a child home because they have turned up to school without an adult.

I think that having a nine year old walk a short distance by themselves is great for building confidence. I did the same with my son and plan to do the same with my daughter when she is older.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/01/2015 11:45

Yes fine, you know your dd, and her capabilities. Go for it!

loveareadingthanks · 12/01/2015 11:49

completely normal thing to do.

Breaks my heart to see the streets so empty of children playing and exploring in little gangs these days. Childhood is lost.

Original poster

vintagecrap · 12/01/2015 11:54

well, i trust her.
I think its just odd policies make you doubt yourself.

Her last school made a massive song and dance over the fact that one day a week she walked from the playground and waited for me at the front of the school, in front of the glass fronted office, when the other children were still coming out.

Its just i was always a few mins on the drag due to work and it took forever to go aganist the volume of parents, if she waited for me there, it was easier. I had a proper argument with her teacher, but then it turned out there was no school policy about it anyway.

Just makes you doubt yourself.

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 12/01/2015 12:01

I read the op as 3.5 miles too - was mighty impressed with your insistence on walking for a while there.

3.5 mins is a no brainer - it's a yes from me.

TheWanderingUterus · 12/01/2015 12:22

My DD has been doing this for almost a year now (year 5).

I doubted myself too, mainly because 90% of her class still get walked to the line up and picked up from the door.

Riseoftheflarelovers · 12/01/2015 12:27

It's amazing when you think about it, the primary concern isn't actually that anything will happen to DC, BUT if someone else will have a problem with it/report you/think you a bad parent.

Its MADNESS.

Original poster

vintagecrap · 12/01/2015 12:37

It is madness, it really is.

I walked when i was 8, with a child a few months older than me who was in the next year. We had a main road to cross and then a fairly busy side road. Nothing compared to the road DD has to cross.

OP posts:

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/01/2015 12:38

Wondering when I can release my 4yo to walk/scoot/bicycle herself 1.5 miles to school across a major London road and crossing 5 minor roads.....
I'm guessing never so it will be walk her to school until she starts secondary and moves to a closer school irritatingly. So that's at least 6-7 more years of the school run before work. Gah.

Walked myself to school about 500 yards, after first term in Reception so I was 5. It was 1980's Ireland in a town of about 15,000 and I had one road to cross but admittedly v little traffic. No-one batted an eyelid. I must find out what the norm is now.

Honestly, provided you have taught her that not all cars will stop for a red light [adults do stupid things sometimes] and to wait until the cars have actually stopped before crossing, she will be fine.

AgentProvocateur · 12/01/2015 12:43

I'd be more worried about a nine year old who WASN'T walking to school, regardless of the distance! (If there are safe crossings).

Riseoftheflarelovers · 12/01/2015 12:44

I walked my brother to reception when I was in year 4. My DM took him the first day and then I did everyday after that.

Other mums would have been if a parent walked their kid everyday. Its like herd immunity, the more parents that do it, the less of the risk!

Original poster

vintagecrap · 12/01/2015 12:44

There isnt a crossing.
Its really minor roads. the school is a ' community' school, so its literally in the heart of a little residential area. The roads are quiet as you wouldnt use them unless you lived there if that makes sense. Think narrow victoria roads. Cars parked either side, only room for one vehicle to go down at a time type thing.

OP posts:

Littlef00t · 12/01/2015 13:40

I'm not even 30 and I walked 15 mins to primary school aged 7 with a friend also 7. It was fine, on mid sized road to cross.

By 11 I was walking myself to the train station 10 mins, taking the train with fellow pupils and walking to school.

I'd be gutted if my child couldn't walk herself to school in primary due to school policy rather than my risk assessment.

ConfusedInBath · 12/01/2015 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

treaclesoda · 12/01/2015 13:49

I think it's fine. My DD is 8 and has done it very occasionally, along with a ten year old friend. I'm quite at some schools forbidding this sort of thing. At her school, from P1 to P3 they must be collected from the teacher at the end of the day. Arriving in the morning, no one is keeping an eye on how they get there, just that they do. And from P4 on they are encouraged to come to school and walk home from school independently.

Marphe · 12/01/2015 13:51

Whatever you do, don't phone the school every morning to make sure she got there OK and don't expect them to respond any differently to her being late/absent than they would for any other child. Either decide yourself that's she's old enough to go alone, or take her

My DCs went alone form approx. yr 4/5, depending on when each of them as individuals seemed ready. I think I was probably comforted by a false sense of security in the belief that if they didn't arrive and they hadn't heard form me they would call. However, now I work in the school, I know that those calls often aren't made until very late in the day and sometimes not at all.

momofmonster · 12/01/2015 14:05

I think you know your child best and what she is capapble of doing. Personally i think a few minutes down the road is fine. I doubt my child would be ready by 8/9 to take himself to school but we have to catch a bus and cross a main road twice (plus i have to actually sign the register to drop him off at breakfast club)

At age 8 i was catching a bus to my primary school (sometimes i would walk which would take about 20-25 minutes but that was only so i could spend bus fare on sweets)

I think my mom used to use our dog as my babysitter as the dog would walk me to the busstop in the morning and be there waiting when i got off the bus to come home!!

Topseyt · 12/01/2015 14:30

Totally fine. Mine often did it at that age. They had a 5 minute walk and only one minor road to cross. At first I would wait and meet them halfway, but after a while I stopped doing that.

You know your child and how she is likely to behave. Just make sure she knows and understands any rules you want to make at first, such as always come straight home, use the agreed route so that you can find her should you need to (unlikely).

In a couple of years time she will be going to secondary school and will presumably have to take responsibility for getting herself to the bus stop or whatever the arrangement is, so it will be as well for her to get used to it now.

wobblyweebles · 12/01/2015 14:40

My 9 year old has been walking a similar distance on his own since he just turned 8...

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 12/01/2015 14:44

Absolutely fine - mine have walked down the road to the school bus stop and got themselves home from school the same way since age 6, as has every other child in the village (but then we live in Germany). The community police officer reminds parents very firmly not to escort children after the first week of year 1 :o

muminhants · 12/01/2015 17:40

At my son's junior school they could walk home on their own from year 3 as they were released into the playground and could then walk home without an adult or with an older sibling if they chose - I don't think anyone was checking that they only left with an adult. If they went to an after-school club you had to sign a form to say they could walk home on their own (not sure now if it was in year 5 but definitely year 6).

My son walked home on his own from the summer term of year 5 but we live 2 minutes walk away. I used to walk with him to school to make sure he arrived as the school is on a very busy road.

usualsuspect333 · 12/01/2015 17:51

Of course it's fine.

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