Aibu to have no feelings about almost everything?

[Aubrianna]

This started as a tiny thing last week when I was asked what I thought about the accountacy software we used at work. I replied "I have no feelings about it", DH looked horrified as though I was totally insane and I know it sounds really stupid but since then I have been thinking that actually I have no real feelings about anything.

I don't get excited about things I dont look forward to things I don't hate things. I don't enjoy spending time with my family I don't hate spending time with them I just do it I have no feelings either way about pretty much anything - obviously I love my kids etc but I'm not talking about huge things like that just little things like Christmas for example.

I can't decide if this is very strange or not . Dh thinks it is really unreasonable to have no feelings about things! And he swears I used to! But do some people just do things and get on without getting all feelingsy?

Idlevice - I'm not sure how long I have felt (or not felt!) like this . Probably around a year or so I vaguely remember enjoying seeing my children's school plays last year but this year It just seemed like a hassle. I think I stopped doing things like hobbies probably months before that though although I wouldn't say I was too depressed to do them I just lost interest.

I am not sure how I would even start that conversation with my gp ! I have never been apart from to register and so it would just be me going in and saying "hi - I feel nothing" which is a little odd. !

Dogged- I would make a great spy. I have missed my calling I think.

Screwball - I would worry about medication making it worse since over through stuff now - have a to do list ready to go today . It would be a disaster if I couldn't do that.

Anhedonia: the inability to experience joy. I've had times like this during bouts of low mood.

I can understand not having any feelings about an accounting package you use at work, but for other areas of your life, especially if you're aware you haven't always felt like this, it does sound like you might be a bit depressed. I don't know whether you need to go to your GP or whether it could be something you could address without antidepressants.

You talk about there being no bad things, but you also talk about having no time for hobbies etc any more; do you think you might be overdoing it generally, and could do with making some more time for yourself?

I've had chronic depression for about half of my life, severe episodes and then this feeling the rest of the time. Very 'meh' about life. My depression is treated yet the 'meh' remains. I figured that was just what "me" was like, calling it my 'goth tendencies' :)

So its kind of nice to hear someone else explain that it is how they feel. Talking of spies, i used to think i would be a great assassin, i just didnt care about people i dont know. Changed when i had kids and got overemotional about everything.

Been recently-ish told i have a lot asd traits, wonder if the general apathy is linked to that?

It might be a bit different to what you're describing, but I have problems 'identifying' or 'allowing' myself to feel emotions. I've had therapy and it seems to stem from childhood when my parents divorced. I buried my feelings then and carried on as normal and it seems burying feelings became the new normal. If the therapist asked me to describe how a particular life event made me feel, I would find that quite difficult.

You say you haven't always been like this so perhaps it's not the same as what I do, but thought it was worth mentioning just in case it rang any bells.

Just to throw something different into the mix... I felt like this for a couple of years, felt like I'd 'lost joy', yet I was experiencing some amazing moments in my life. Felt nothing. Yet I. Knew I wasn't depressed as I've been there before.

Had a general doctor's check up, not related to the above, and full bloods taken. Turns out I have hypothyroidism. Now successfully medicated and I feel joy again.

Can't believe how different life is now. Yet I still reckon I too would have no feelings about accountancy software!

Most of the time I feel a lot like you, Aubrianna.

I seem to see the events in my life as a series of "tick boxes", even things that should be exciting.

Don't know whether that explains it very well!

Findo - I don't think I am overdoing I have a lot of help and I also have a lot of choice in what I do in regards to working hours etc . I just don't feel like doing hobbies etc my day is wake up at 6 get kids to school and then someone comes to the house to look after preschooler . I go to work them done home at 6:30 get kids sorted then to bed and then I normally just go to bed about 9:00 and read or watch a programme for an hour before sleep. Then repeat!

Beyond I haven't always been like this I don't think but I'm not sure what you mean by asd traits so I don't know!

Hoggle - sorry you felt like that. I don't describe things well which is why a doctors appointment would be very difficult!

My parents didn't divorce but my mum was ill most of my childhood and died when I was a teenager although I don't feel all that upset thinking about it now tbh. So not sure!

There's a word, alexithymia, which you might want to google.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia#cite_note-62

I have periods like this and it usually boils down to mild depression. I just find myself unable to get excited about anything or care about anything much. Although I don't think it's unreasonable to have no feelings about accountancy software, who would?!

People don't get depression 'about' things any more than they get the flu 'about' things. See your GP x

I used to feel that way. I didn't consider myself depressed but on reflection I think I had lost any spark in my life. Life was dull, nothing to inspire me, just day to day drudgery.

Made a decision to change it - I took a year out from my degree and did a huge charity event, learnt to drive, met my partner, took a great holiday with my dd.

I noticed that my life is getting a bit meh again, and trying to find something that excites me- a goal to achieve by the end of the year.

Aubrianna, traits from the autistic spectrum. Unlikely if its not something you've been like forever (and could be unrelated for me too), but have a quick google of asd in women (specifically women) if you think it might help :)

Ah I'm glad this thread has popped up... I've had the exact same thought about not getting excited about things. As a PP says, things that should be exciting but just feel like a tick box exercise.

I also get periods where I sink into myself, and need a bit of time to come out my funk as it were...

Saying that though, just recently I have been upset by something but haven't know why. My brain and rational knows I've no reason for my upset but I still had that achey chest feeling and had to cry.

Sorry for the mini hi-jack... it has helped writing it down

This thread struck a chord with me. I've spent the last 15 years feeling non-plussed about events that most people would feel some emotion about. For instance, I didn't feel much about Christmas for the last 15 years. My thoughts were "It's Christmas. Not a big deal at all." I wasn't overly fussed about my DC's milestones either. I didn't see the point in being bothered about them as I knew they'd hits them at some point.

I've been to see my GP about it, had numerous blood/urine/fecal tests, had CBT, been on many different doses of different AD's, and yet I still feel this way. There is nothing wrong with me as all my bloods and what not are well within normal parameters. I am on Ad's for my back pain as they relax the muscles, but emotionally, I don't feel any different.

My husband described that very feeling after he was diagnosed with depression. He wasn't sad, he didn't cry, he didn't mope. He got up and did everyday things and got on with it.

He also didn't feel excited about anything either. He just existed. I remember it coming on so gradually I didn't notice it either. I remember starting to feel so frustrated with him that he couldn't muster any excitement for anything.

He back to his old self now, he's a massive geek, he openly loves comics, gaming, films, has a cracking (if childish) sense of humour etc. But nothing seemed interesting to him then.

I'm the opposite, I over feel everything when depressed, either massively joyous, hyper and excited or sobbing low. Extremes of either. I obsess over thoughts and feelings. He just felt empty. Both are equally as damaging.

I think tick box excersize describes it well .

Chiggers - I understand what you mean about childrens milestones etc. Today was my youngest dds first day at nursery (she went for an induction ) I couldn't be there because of work so our nanny took her. She sent practically minute by minute pictures and updates! Because she thought I would be upset that I wasn't there to see it. I wasn't even though I know I should have been - it was just another thing that needed doing done.

When life becomes a treadmill of work and childcare, is it any wonder some of us routinely find it hard to get excited about things/look forward to things?
Compared to a life of, say, travel, exciting career ops, ups and downs of dating, active pursuit of hobbies and interests, varied friends/social life etc?

Children can be a great source of joy but they underpin everything. If you go on holiday there's still the childcare. It might be the weekend but there's still the childcare. You can be away from them but there's the guilt and the mounting chores when you return.

Not sure its necessarily depression, maybe just a rationale reaction to that treadmill (and a sign you need a proper break - I get two weekends away a year and they are the one thing I truly look forward to).

I find that the only thing that seems to excite me is my boy wants me to teach him how to fish (rod and line from beach/rocks/boat). It's the one thing that I'm actually looking forward to, especially this time of year, as the cod and bass are heaving around the area we'll be going. I hate the sand getting into the sarnies though, but there'll be plenty to eat, lots of warm clothing and hot tea for both of us. I miss sticking ragworm/lugworm on the hooks

Sound like the daily grind is getting to you op. I have to make myself enjoy things like Christmas. My parents loved us but were always busy and stressed, there wasn't much fun or joy so I fake it for my dc
as I don't want them being nonplussed about life.

This thread has really made me reflect.
It is hard to explain what I think, but here goes.
I think that sometimes life is so full, completely full of stuff - things to do, routines to maintain, generally just keeping on top of things pushes out the joy, the spontenaity (sp] that life without commitments (that really do matter if they were not seen to)its like there is no more room in the emotional space in our heads.
When I was in the worst throes of DV/EA/poverty my cat died. My beloved boy, and I couldn't afford a vet, or go to the PDSA . It really was impossible.
Yet I couldn,t feel anything, nothing. I was so emotionally and physically shattered there was not enough inside me to feel anything anymore.
I don't want to derail, that is not my intention, but I do wonder OP that you may be burning out, or depressed.
Your circumstances do not have to as extreme as mine were, but I think you need to see your GP, if only to rule out an underlying problem that affects your well-being.
Have explained really badly, I know.

I still recommend checking with your GP. Could you approach it by saying you're feeling "flat" & wondering if it could be thyroid-related? (say it runs in the family if you need more of a back story). Your GP will hopefully ask for a thyroid check to be done so if it is down to that then it can be addressed, but also ask questions to assess whether it could be a type of depression, or at least ask these questions later if the thyroid test came back ok but you still wanted to investigate any potential reason for the flatness.

I would definitely act now because if it is depressive in nature you could become subtly more flat, disengaged etc until you become mired in inertia & find it a struggle to do anything. This is what happened to me over years - I just slowed down more & more until I was hardly actually doing anything & the thought of doing anything additional to just getting through the day was unimaginable. I started crying at the GPs when I eventually went which was mortifying even though I know it's not really a problem - however if I'd gone earlier perhaps I could have held it together more & not felt even more stressed about going, not to mention having addressed it earlier & not having had to endure about 15 years of half-living. So at least check, as you would do with an actual physical ache or pain.

Ok re reading the replies last night I am going to try and get a gp appointment for this week and if all that seems ok maybe look at reducing hours I'm doing stuff at the moment I start at 6 am and finish at 9 by the time work is done plus kids asleep etc