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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wish health anxiety didn't exist?

67 replies

mdpis3 · 11/01/2015 20:14

I have a list of conditions and diseases I should worry more about and I definitely have a full plate with the health issues of my DD who is mentally and physically disabled but as well as that, every lump, every mole that isn't perfectly formed...it causes me such panic and anxiety Hmm both breast cancer and malignant melanoma feature heavily in my immediate family so they are always at the forefront of everyone's mind but my goodness I wish I could stop obsessing about every new little bump or blurry edged mole Hmm

Am I alone in these fears? Do others have these same fears? They are definitely worse since becoming a Mum nearly 7 years ago but AIBU to wish I could just stop worrying about the unknown?

OP posts:
iammargesimpson · 11/01/2015 21:35

I have it as well, it's very very hard to get it under control. Mine really escalated when I had high blood pressure on my second baby, I was in hospital every weekend for six weeks before he was born to have it monitored and finally induced when I went over my due date. My blood pressure rocketed after he was born and I was re admitted for a full week with postnatal preeclampsia after I had him, I honestly thought I was going to die. I finally have my meds down to one tablet a day but will be on this for the rest of my life and cannot have any more children. I also have to get a check up once a year to ensure my kidneys are functioning ok, so far, so good after five years.

I ended up having counselling as I was convinced I was going to have a stroke or heart attack, every time I have a headache I panic which of course makes the headache worse. The counselling did help in that it put it into perspective, so I would recommend it.

On the down side, I am so terrified of accidentally getting pregnant and having to go through the same thing (or worse) that I haven't had sex with my dh since I had the baby, he understands but it is a big strain and something I do need to sort out

Sallystyle · 11/01/2015 21:52

Hypnotherapy helped me for a while.

I watched three of my children watch their father go through four years of cancer treatment then die. I watch their grief and it scares me that if I get cancer or die they have to go through it all again. I have had OCD since I was 6 and have always been a worrier and anxious but when he got ill the HA really kicked in.

My body has patches or orange foundation all over it!

I have had people tell me that they have one tonsil bigger than the other and I also try to tell myself that if it hasn't changed at all in a year and I have no other symptoms it's unlikely to be cancer. I also think it is a very rare form of cancer. 10 minutes later i'm back to believing that is definitely is cancer.

My GP removed a mole as it was worrying me so much. A few days later I found another one to worry about.

I don't ever go to A&E like some people I know do, I don't ever demand tests but I am sure my GP's office cry when they see me!

Original poster
mdpis3 · 11/01/2015 22:16

Op here. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. My DD is truly very poorly and has been since birth, she astounds me daily with her strength and her ability to smile through the worst. Me on the other hand... A mole currently has me climbing the walls. It's a mole that has preciously been checked by a leading professor who looks after my family member with malignant melanoma. He said two years ago on first glance he'd have said if was malignant. After looking at it under some funny magnifying thing he said it wasn't and to watch it. Now that's all I do. Watch it. I feel like hacking it out myself with the nail clippers Hmm and don't get me started on checking my boobs. They're massive and absolutely full of lumps and fibrous masses. If there was ever anything in there, I would never differentiate it from the 'normal' stuff which feels like rummaging around in a bag of hazelnuts.

It pisses me off so much. The real, actual, diagnosed conditions are a breeze for me. I'm a diabetic, oh well. I have ulcerative colitis, oh well. I've had a stroke, DVT and pulmonary embolisms, oh well. BUT OMFG LOOK AF THIS FUCKING FRECKLE!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 11/01/2015 22:17

I'm the opposite to some health anxiety sufferers; I'm terrified of going to the doctor, for even the most basic things. So rather than being there regularly, seeking reassurance, I'm sitting at home convincing myself that if I don't acknowledge a particular symptom, then I don't have that symptom. Which is great when the symptom is anxiety related, but not so good if it's a real thing.

Like U2 I've gone through the terror of showering. I used to shower in the dark so that I couldn't see my skin, just in case I'd see a mark on it.

kittentwo · 11/01/2015 22:18

I suffered for years. Had cbt an now completely cured. Couldn't recommend it enough. Best money I ever spent.

patienceisvirtuous · 11/01/2015 22:29

I suffer from HA terribly :( Been going on for 18 months. I am taking anxiety meds and having cbt.

HA is relentless, exhausting and soul-destroying. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I sometimes feel like I have lost my mind to it :(

Sallystyle · 11/01/2015 22:31

I think I might pay privately for CBT

I get offered like 3 sessions at a time. I need it for much longer.

Treacles, I am scared to go to the GP as well, but obviously I do go. I just shake in the waiting room and the few days before have massive panic attacks. I have the dentist next week and I shitting it incase they find oral cancer or look at my tonsil and tell me I need to be referred.

It's not fun is it showering in the dark?

md I looked at my ex dying who was so brave, so upbeat right until the end and I feel guilty that I am not dying and in a total mess over my health so I know how you feel. I am sorry you have a poorly daughter, I imagine your HA probably comes from a deep fear of how she will cope if you died because she has extra needs?

Sallystyle · 11/01/2015 22:32

Yes patience soul destroying is exactly what it is.

To spend your day thinking you are dying and being scared of your own body is hell.

But hey.. Kitten is cured, so there is hope for us all right?

3BloodyKids · 11/01/2015 22:32

For anyone interested, this book Overcoming Health Anxiety is great.

There's also free self-help workbooks on this website.

Original poster
mdpis3 · 12/01/2015 08:55

It's absolutely worse than ever this morning. Another plaster over another mole so that I can't look at it Sad

OP posts:
SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 12/01/2015 09:00

Md, would your doctor remove them for you? Our surgery does them in house.

Lima1 · 12/01/2015 09:03

Please consider getting CBT. I suffered with generalised anxiety, health anxiety and terrible panic attacks last year. It was a living nightmare. I eventually went for CBT, it only took 3 sessions to see a huge change. I still get a small bit when I'm stressed but I know how to deal with it properly now so I can stop it before it takes hold. My life has been changed, I truly can't recommend it enough.
PS the therapist said bad health anxiety can take longer to treat, mine wasn't too bad, my biggest thing was panicking and thinking I was dying.

Sallystyle · 12/01/2015 16:02

I find foundation works better than a plaster ;)

I'm sorry you have had a rough morning. My GP removed a mole by freezing it but I know they hate to do it unless it needs doing, but it's worth a ask, although as you know, you will probably just focus on something else after. You have had this mole checked.. when you have these thoughts keep repeating.. 'I do not have cancer, I have health anxiety; this thought is not real'.

I have the dentist on Thursday and shitting myself over it already.

sydlexic · 12/01/2015 16:14

I was the same, and getting worse. I was eventually diagnosed with a B12 deficiency. The injections have made a big difference.

GaryShitpeas · 12/01/2015 18:04

That's interesting sdlexic

Sallystyle · 12/01/2015 18:13

That is interesting. I think my gp would roll his eyes if I went again though. I might bring it at my next routine med appointment.

sweetkitty · 12/01/2015 18:17

Another one here

A recent mole turned out to be a warty thing. I'm terrified of cancer and brain tumours. I have migraines too and think it's because of brain tumours.

holdyourown · 12/01/2015 18:23

Me too. There are loads of us Grin It's actually ruining my life at the moment and I've decided to get CBT. I'm a lone parent and it's not actually fear of death that bothers me, it's how the dcs would cope. If I didn't have them I don't think my health anxiety would exist.

Original poster
mdpis3 · 12/01/2015 18:56

I wish I could have CBT. I am such a strong willed (arsehole) type that nothing ever works. I've tried so many different types of things to help but I am always right and they are wrong. I do have skin cancer and they are just siding with the doctors who say I don't.

I wish I drank.

OP posts:
Original poster
mdpis3 · 12/01/2015 18:58

Also, how many of us struggle to envision ourselves making it to "old age"? I know I do. I don't know why I don't see a future because I do in relation to some things but I never picture myself as elderly. I always think I'll never live that long Sad

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 12/01/2015 19:07

I wish I drank too! If I wasn't worried about the fact that cannabis can make mental health worse I would be all over that too.

Original poster
mdpis3 · 13/01/2015 10:36

You and I both, U2.

OP posts:
GeekyElspeth · 13/01/2015 11:38

Had have it since early teens.

Has got a lot worse over the last two years though. I hide it - no one knows how much it bothers me on a day to day basis Sad

OopsButItWasntMe · 13/01/2015 11:42

Chronically my bloods came back clear too but Magnesium, Zinc and Vitamin D have definitely made a difference. If I forget to take them for a few days I notice it starting to creep back.

OopsButItWasntMe · 13/01/2015 11:45

They're all in one supplement by the way. I did try CBT but it didn't work for me. I wasn't overly impressed with the counsellor though.