To leave him to it and not remind him again?

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

DH has to sort some papers for his tax return. I have reminded him many times to do it. He knows full well that he has been fined in the past for not having submitted his return on time.

The plan was to get it done this weekend. I reminded him that it takes longer than he thinks it will so best he get moving. He said he realises that it will not get sorted over night... yet he continues to watch tv.

AIBU to leave him to it? Last time I looked he was an adult...

BUT his fuck ups cost us money! ARGH!!! How many times must I ask him to pull his finger out????

Do you have entirely joint money?

Or is some amount of your money separate as your personal spending money?

If you could insist that any fines due to not-getting-on-with-it came out of his personal spending money, and so did not affect you or the DCs, then leave him to it.

If it'll end up affecting more than just him then better not to risk it.

His fuck ups should not cost you money. Make it clear to him that if he fucks up, it will be the things he likes or his hobbies that will be being sacrificed to pay for it.

Silly question, but do you think that he might be anxious about it, and therefore trying to avoid it?

My DH struggles terribly with maths. Since we got together (and for a couple of years prior) I have helped him with his personal taxes, and managed our joint ones.

Understanding why he tries to stay away from finances has helped or relationship immensely. As I don't have a tough time with numbers, we have come to an agreement that I manage finances, and every Friday evening we sit down with a glass of wine and look at where we are financially.

It didn't happen overnight, but it has changed our relationship in a significant way.

Yes, he is anxious, but i am talking it through with him as best I can, step by step, but he has now chucked it in saying that he is tired.

What he has to do it not hard maths stuff - I have even arranged an accountant for him. He just has to pull his finger out and get his file and his receipts in order. It is a pain in the arse, but not hard.

I asked him to read the email from the accountant, but he says he is too tired so I told him that I would not be reminding him anymore. Up to him. For years and years I have been holding his hand through crap to the point that he has a debt management plan with a debt charity. I am so fucking fed up with having to look after him.

Fed up.

Hey, are you actually MY husband's other wife? I do all the household finances, the business finances, the vat, my paperwork for accountant and yes, you guessed it, his paperwork for the accountant. I've just given up. This man hasn't looked at a bank statement for over 20 years.

Joking aside, your husband does need to man up. He can't afford to pay a fine if he's already dealing with a debt management plan. Good luck, and I hope it helps in some small way to know he's not the only finance phobe.

"BUT his fuck ups cost us money!"
Maybe time to separate the 'his' and 'us', financially? Is all money joint, or do you/he also have personal/pocket money? If he has personal money, then that is what should be funding his personal fine. Making others share the pain of his inaction is not on. (alternatively, sort out the paperwork for him and charge £50/hr to be paid from his personal money ).

"I am so fucking fed up with having to look after him."
This is the real issue here IMO. Not this single fuck up, but the gradual loss of respect for your husband. Have you talked about this with him? Is he aware of the impact it is having on the relationship?

This is the real issue here IMO. Not this single fuck up, but the gradual loss of respect for your husband.

Yep

If the money he earns helps to support you and your children (which I assume it does) then why not just do the accounts yourself. That way it gets done and nobody loses out financially.

It doesn't solve the issue of him prevaricating but it sounds as if he will never just crack on with it so it will always be an issue.

Annoying as it undoubtedly is it would seem far more sensible (to me) to just do it rather than tell him how to do it.

Apologies - not sure why I thought you had children! Must be getting confused with other threads

I did both our tax returns. I like tax law, won a university prize in it etc. it makes sense within a couple to divide tasks out.