Invited guest without checking I've tidied up?!!!

[Macloveswill]

I want to kill my DH, he's done it so many times! House is a bloody tip after a bit of a mad morning with DD, not to mention the three loads of washing in differing stages of completion.

DH is out fitting a new bulb on the car and he asks neighbour to pop across to look at something in the house he needs help with. I got about a 30 second warning. He may not survive the afternoon!!! Grr!

AIBU to expect a tiny bit of thought before inviting someone over?! Sorry just needed a rant! Thankyou

OP, you sound a bit pathetic. I mean this in a loving way.

Hope the thing/problem/issue got fixed thanks to your neighbour's help.

My teenagers use to do this all the time, OH on several occasions, sometimes with an overnight guest.
Fortunately I'm not a houseproud houseperson, so I have no understanding of your anguish and rage OP.

Is there a lovely way to be pathetic

yanbu. I would be livid if dh was inviting people round without cleaning up first.

That's him cleaning up by the way. Seeing as it's his house too.

Will the neighbour even notice?

Would it really be better if he called you to say, I want to invite the neighbour over, but wanted to check that you'd tidied up first!

Just relax. It really is not worth stressing over.

What is this, the 1950s, where the little woman is held morally responsible for the gleam of the floors, the scrubbedness of the front door step and the crispness of the net curtains? Will the neighbour cluck disapprovingly over the fence to the other neighbours with his curlers in and his arms crossed over his floral pinny about 'er at number 50, and her heaps of unfolded laundry?

OP, are you honestly saying that you would have run about tidying your house purely because a neighbour was paying an impromptu call to advise on a DIY problem???

Loving, Brian. Loving.

This is a phrase I use on MN in a humorous manner. Mainly when someone needs to get a bleeding grip.

No need for a

Haha....no I don't think the neighbour even noticed. No sexist problem with ME tidying up, geez....I just said I'd clear up whilst he worked on the car! But it had only been about 10 mins and I was making DD a snack first.

Also definitely not filthy or a hovel, just incredibly messy.

Agreed I'm a bit uptight about it being tidy when people come round, but my DH does know I'm like that.

All calm now (and tidy!) And DH even lived to tell the tale

Chill out.

I'm with you, OP. If anyone arrives it's a matter of scurrying around picking up bits and pieces and usually lamenting the state of the carpet (plain dark colour which shows the bits). I'm much happier inviting people in on my terms, when yes, I've had time to tidy up first.

I have certain friends that I've NEVER invited as their houses are immaculate and I'm embarrassed. DH is a hoarder to a small extent and there's stuff lying around where he sits (almost the whole sofa as well as the floor to the right and the cupboard next to where he sits is completely covered with 'stuff' that either he 'needs' or is in transit to somewhere else - only it takes weeks to move, usually when something else replaces it). Aaaaargh. He can't see it. Doesn't go to other people's houses much. Has 2 friends who also have cluttered homes and just doesn't understand what I'm on about.

But then he'll complain if the kids leave stuff lying around and gets defensive immediately about his stuff. It isn't worth the argument. I just sit on the other sofa and ignore him is he complains that I don't sit close to him. I can't. There's no room.

It's not an "invited guest" it's just a bloke popping in to look at something for your DH. I think you might need to unclench!

I would feel the same way. Hate people dropping in with no warning. I actually keep my doorbell turned off unless expecting a delivery!

Marnie, that's not you having an issue with tidying, that's your husband having an issue with hoarding! Would it be possible to get him to restrict his hoarding to a shed or garage? It sounds grim. I'm completely unfazed by our house's general untidiness - we have thousands of books and a toddler, and neither of us is of a domestic turn - but not being able to sit on a sofa because it would disturb someone's hoarding habitat is something else...

I have a friend who comes by and will say, "do you mind if I run the Hoover round?" or will ask if I have ironing needing doing or washing or dishwasher unloaded. She loves to potter, my place isn't bad, just normal family day to day stuff that needs done on an ongoing basis. I find I do a load of housework before she comes so she'll sit on her arse and just enjoy her visit. She'll take the feather duster upstairs with her if she goes to the loo and dust the stairs down on her way back .... It's just her way. We are very close and I know she doesn't do it in anyone else's house, including her own daughter in law.... Anyone else, not including anyone very close, I'd be annoyed if DH invited them without me having the chance to have a quick tidy, if the house needed it.

Sorry, does he not live in the house with you? Surely it's his home as well and he can choose to invite people in without "checking" with you?

I can't imagine even giving a thing like this headspace, YABU! Talk about uptight.

I think there's a massive difference between 'invited to come round for the evening' and 'asked to pop in for five minutes to look at something'. I'd be annoyed at the first, but not the second, because the neighbour would know that it was completely out of the blue and not be expecting anything other than a normal 'lived in' house. If someone was properly invited over, I would expect them to expect us to have made at least some effort to tidy up, and so be annoyed not to have the opportunity to do what I would generally always do when we expected company.

puppymonkey. I know exactly what you ment and you should say it straight rather the call someone pathetic. With a get out clause of don't take this the wrong way or I'm not being bitchy but........

I don't think I would ever venture inside anyone else's front door if I thought that they would feel I 'expected' them to tidy up!

Bumbuscuits, don't you find that unbelievably presumptuous of your friend???? I cannot honestly imagine a space-time continuum where anyone would think it was ok to enter a friend's house, look around and decide its cleanliness level was unacceptable, and ask whether she could get out the vacuum to rectify matters? And how does the 'taking the feather duster upstairs when she goes to the loo' work? Do you leave it out on the table when she visits, in case she needs to pee? Or is the first you know of it when she starts rummaging under the sink among the cleaning products???

Oh dear Brian do chill out. I also mean this in a loving way.

Neighbours are different, he is nbu, sorry!

Yanbu, I have a husband who does this kind of thing. The thing is, it's never when the house is super tidy, always when it's a mess. I don't mind at all if its someone who's been in the house many times before and would know that it's not usually this messy. It's when it's someone who's never been in the house before, it's like they'll be thinking "so this is where you live".

puppymonkey Oh dear do fuck off. I mean it in the nicest possible way
Luv y hun x

I stopped buying into the whole "house must be perfect before anyone sets foot in it" thing. I had to or we'd have never have anyone in ever!

But, once I stopped doing it, I found others stopped too. Kind of like a collective sigh of relief. One friend (and she is lovely despite bring tactless) actually said recently "ooh pop round for a cuppa one afternoon this week. Any day's fine as I don't have to tidy for you".