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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was an unreasonable bit of table hogging?

133 replies

Vycount · 09/01/2015 12:13

This is probably going to all end in tears.

Anyway, I've just been to a very popular local cafe with a friend and spent about an hour and a half stuffing my face on a brilliant brunch, more coffee, and then some cake. (Katie Hopkins eat yer heart out!).
It's a really busy place, you can't book tables.

When we got there a long table for 8 was occupied by a group of 6 women, some with babies. We were doing that sort of scanning for space thing and hoping someone was about to leave, so I could see that a couple of them had cups in front of them, others didn't. Luckily a space came free behind them so we got in.
They were still there when we left an hour and a half later. In that time they ordered no food or ore drinks drink, but hung on to their couple of cups whenever the staff came to look to clear the table. Meanwhile people were arriving and hovering about trying to find somewhere to sit to eat, asking to share tables etc.
Now on the one hand maybe the serving staff should have asked them if they'd finished and kind of moved them on. But on the other, it just seemed to me they were pretty entitle/rude/pretending to be oblivious. Bit unreasonable to use a cafe as basically a warm place to meet and jiggle babies do you think?

OP posts:
ihatethecold · 09/01/2015 13:08

nickyfury

To quote you directly.

You got a seat, you had a meal and cake but still felt so annoyed by this you needed to post here on MN. I'm glad I have more going on that it wouldn't even occur to me get pissed off about something like this.

Cobain · 09/01/2015 13:08

It is a tight line, in the community cafe we could not say anything to protect the charity for risk of being accused of discriminatory against young mother. A rock and a hard place.

londonrach · 09/01/2015 13:10

Yanbu. I have see signs now saying between 12pm-2pm you can only sit if buying a meal. I can understand that.

WilsonWilsonWoman · 09/01/2015 13:12

waiting for the fury of nicki to return to let us all know she will be leaving the thread for the third time. Grin

YANBU.

Annunziata · 09/01/2015 13:16

YANBU.

YonicSleighdriver · 09/01/2015 13:16

Well, it was more up to the cafe owner to come over and say, "ladies, as you can see we are quite busy today so you will need to order more food/drinks if you wish to stay"

Original poster
Vycount · 09/01/2015 13:18

What is it about the fact that babies are involved that makes some people think that normal consideration goes out of the window? There were some babies - so what? It's hardly a case of babies going to suffer because they are thrown out of a warm cafe into the cold of the day is it?

I really am going to leave the thread in order to continue my enjoyable day that doesn't have much going on it. Grin

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2015 13:19

Pinch away Luis

Original poster
Vycount · 09/01/2015 13:19

I've already mentioned that the service staff were young, but even if the cafe owner had intervened, as others have said, they are damned if they do and if they don't.

OP posts:
Roussette · 09/01/2015 13:25

Are they though Vycount? I'd be glad they had gone and be more worried they were going to make a habit of doing this every day so asking them to order something or leave would sort that one out. Everyone is entitled to linger a little, but squatting like that is ridiculous.

TarkaTheOtter · 09/01/2015 13:28

Don't see why them having babies has anything to do with it. Maybe the management didn't ask them to leave because they had just finished a massive meal for 6. Maybe they are regulars who normally spend lots of money. Maybe the cafe wants to encourage families because the mark up in kid's meals is astronomical.
I don't think it's entitled. It's up to the cafe if they want to let people stay after they have finished their drinks or impose a time limit. Lots of cafés encourage people to hang around with free wifi etc.

HappenstanceMarmite · 09/01/2015 13:31

nickyfury

... but still felt so annoyed by this you needed to post here on MN. I'm glad I have more going on that it wouldn't even occur to me get pissed off about something like this.

#ironyfail Hmm

QuintlessShadows · 09/01/2015 13:32

mums & babies are often the reason small independent venues have to close down, I think. They hog tables for hours, and never really eat, but bring bottles/jars for their babies, and just have one coffee/tea, while people who would spend 4 times as much must go elsewhere.

Annunziata · 09/01/2015 13:33

People go a bit mad when they have babies. Longer maternity leave too. When everyone went back to work after 3 months we didn't have this problem.

even if the cafe owner had intervened, as others have said, they are damned if they do and if they don't.

Exactly. In this day and age you do not want your cafe put on Facebook or Twitter, or to have bad reviews on your website.

angelos02 · 09/01/2015 13:33

If I were a waitress and could see someone deliberately holding onto an empty cup of tea, I would just politely say something along the lines of 'are you finished with that?'.

StrawberryTot · 09/01/2015 13:34

Yanbu, but if the staff never approached them I'm assuming they don't mind.

PS I bloody love the word bint, I try to get it into a conversation at least once a day Grin

VanitasVanitatum · 09/01/2015 13:35

YANBU, it's a business not a public service.

Southeastdweller · 09/01/2015 13:35

It's not just mum's with babies. Some freelancers working for hours on their laptops whilst nursing drinks for hours (or not having anything at all) also love to table-hogg, especially when it's cold outside.

Eve · 09/01/2015 13:39

a local cafe to me had this and imposed a minimum order and maximum table stay.. as the mums and babies were ordering 1 coffee and taking so much space for hours that is was costing them a fortune.

There was a flury of disgusted letters to the local paper from said mums. Unfortunately cotsa opened nearby and they went out of business.

angelos02 · 09/01/2015 13:43

I just can't get my head around the brass-neck of it. Sitting there with no food/drink in front of you while people are clearly looking for somewhere to sit with food and drink. Arrogant idiots.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2015 13:46

YANBU

Some people just don't know when to fuck off

Mind you, I would have expected the staff to try appealing to their better nature and politely point out that people want to eat there.

Mammanat222 · 09/01/2015 13:48

This is beyond common where I live (A very 'yummy mummy' borough of London)

In the past we've asked the people directly "are you ordering more or will your table be free soon?" or we've asked the staff to move people on.

We have kids, we just wouldn't have the barefaced cheek to take up a whole table for hours and hours without ordering food and drink

WooWooOwl · 09/01/2015 13:52

Them having babies makes a difference because it's only ever large groups of women with babies that seem to do this. I guess it's cheaper than going to a soft play place and it means none if them have to clear up the mess created in their own houses.

It's rude to the business owner and it's selfish to the other customers.

I know a lot of people that avoid our local cafe on weekday mornings because of the way it's treated by women with babies.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/01/2015 13:53

Support your local coffee shop, don't take advantage of it

YADNBU, OP.
Pop in for a coffee with your babies/toddlers after a walk or an activity. But don't hog the table. That is unreasonable behaviour.

What is wrong with meeting at each other's houses a couple of times a week (like many of us oldies used to do when our children were little)? At least then there are toys for all the children to play with

MaryWestmacott · 09/01/2015 13:59

In my experience, if it's a problem, cafe owners will bother people asking if they want anything else, or hurry them on to leave. However, good cafe owners know the regular customers, the sort that turn up in a large group, week in, week out, sometimes spending a lot, sometimes (like possibly this week) spending less, are the customers worth keeping. That if you open a cafe in an area where the only people around during the working day with money to spend are Mums with small children, it's worth taking the occasional 'loss' day in order to build a 'great place to go with children' reputation.

The 'one off drop ins' are great if you are located in an area with good footfall, but for most cafes, they need to win the 'at home in the week with money' local people - some areas, it's pensioners, some areas it's offering free wifi for the 'working from home' types who want a change of scene, and in others it's SAHMs with decent mat pay to spend.

There's a pub near us who've got the 'working from home' market covered, if you pop in some days it might seem pointless, they sit with laptops buying one or two cups of coffee for hours. Other days, they are full at lunchtime with people who've 'hogged a table for the last 3 hours' and now can't be arsed going home for lunch.

You went as a 'one off' in the week, and it was busy, it might not normally be busy on a Friday, it could well be these are valued customers and it was worth it to take the 'hit' on one week when in future weeks they will be the only customers in at that time. Few places can get a repuation for being just 'fast food' - not welcome to linger in the working day, yes they could meet at someone's house, yes they could do something else then pop in for a coffee afterwards, but they probably wouldn't pop in for a coffee afterwards if they had already caught up at a toddler group, they wouldn't on the way back from having a coffee at someone else's house.