Stepmum - tutoring - this AIBU has everything except sporn

[Riseoftheflarelovers]

Briefly, ex DH and I had parents evening this week and DS is struggling in maths (very weak and not very confident).

During parents evening we discussed with DS what we could do and decided on some private tuition, just an hr a week and his teacher was very happy with this and happy to provide a note of where he is struggling in particular to the tutor.

I've been googling and contacted some local tutors. As we are in a major 11+ area a few of them are fully booked and one came back at £40ph!

Ex text last night to see if i had made any progress. I told him what I had found and then suggested that perhaps DS step mum (who is a KS2 teacher and runs the maths club at her school) could possibly do it.

Ex text back 'sorry but no'.

I replied and said oh ok is she too busy etc, if its a case of money I don't mind paying. He replied 'no she doesn't want to, you'll have to find someone else'

AIBU to think WTF?! Isn't this the only benefit of having extra adults in a childs life, the added experience and support for the kids? Not just no sorry she doesn't want to? OR Is this like when parents post and say AIBU for thinking the DC's grandparents should look after them for free all the time and everyone piles in to say cop on to yourself!

DH has a skill which would cost £££ to teach the kids in a class but he has willingly taught them and does it with them because he is their stepdad and why wouldn't he?

There are no issues between DS and her and they get on fine.

£40 an hour is steep our dd's tutor charger £20 for 90 minutes.

OP has agreed she's being unreasonable everyone. AIBU at its rarest.

Please can I ask what is "sporning" - is it something to do with enjoying watching gory insect pictures?

We got dss the Bond exercise books and made him do one every couple of days and then he and I went through the answers. I explained things he didn't get - or helped him work it out himself (I'm good at maths but rusty so me trying to work out the answers used to develop into him explaining the new method and us muddling through the answers together). Worked brilliantly. Why don't you try that?

Btw, his mum paid for a tutor when he was at hers, and i would have been annoyed if she'd asked me to take on specific tutoring especially as we don't communicate either.

Yup - congrats here to OP for taking a new view point on board. Double points if you now tell dh you realise you were wrong to have even asked.

Agree with what others say and op well done for taking on another view point. The step mum as others have said is right in turning down tutoring as its more important thats shes a step mum rather than a teacher. hope you find someone else x

a suggestion for tutoring - I looked online and went for a very clever sixth former from local grammar school. My son preferred that he was younger and more approachable and he was cheaper!

do your ds and his step mum have an ok relationship? could she feel like this might make an already strained relationship worse maybe? alternatively does she think your exh has come up with the idea and is worried about stepping on your toes? do you have a relationship with her that could handle you speaking to her about it at all?

I had the opposite issue in so much as dss was struggling with English Comprehension so dp asked me to do some extra work with him when he was with us which dss was fine about. unfortunately his exw went mental and refused to allow me to help him. rightly or wrongly we ignored her after dp spoke to the school and found out what the specifics were they wanted him to work on and his grades have cone up massively. his Dm refuses to acknowledge that she has a part to play in his education and thinks that's solely the responsibility of the school. as an ex teacher I have a very different opinion.