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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to mention this to school?

87 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 08/01/2015 18:35

Really concerned that I might br interfering where I shouldn't but also concerned that this isa safe-guarding issue.

So MN guide me please.

Have seen a young child walking home alone from school twice now. It's probably 500yards,no major roads to cross. But he's definitely younger than the age the school suggests they can walk home from after a parent school conference.

Now I don't know whether school have made a special exception in this case and so I'm butting in unnecessarily.

Or, no arrangement has been made and the school needs to be alerted. I don't feel comfortable speaking directly to this parent.

OP posts:

Romeorodriguez · 08/01/2015 19:03

The school will allow certain children to walk home from school? Surely this is for the parent to decide, not the school, and the parent of this child have decided they can walk 500 yards on their own. I really don't see the problem.

GokTwo · 08/01/2015 19:04

I totally understand your concern op and it's good that people are looking out for children. However, I think this is acceptable. Yes, it's a little young for some people but my Yr 4 Dd was walking part of the way home very happily and without incident. It would be a bit unusual around here to see a yr 3 child doing that but assuming they don't have a treacherous journey I think they will be fine, depending on the child obviously.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 08/01/2015 19:07

In our school, from year 3 they are just let out at the end of the day if the parent has said it's Ok. Actually, they never asked me- at the start of year 3 ds was asked what arrangement we had ( if he was meeting me or childminder outside school gates or not )
He doesn't come home alone but I guess he could if I allowed it; school would not know.
I am planning to train him up to walk home alone from start of year 5. I think that will be fine but I do wish parents would road train their kids most 8/9/10 year olds i know have zero road sense.
I think 5 is a little young, as they can be really naive at 5.

nooldernowiser · 08/01/2015 19:08

Year 3 is the standard for most schools.

Chocolateteacake · 08/01/2015 19:08

I used to walk to primary school myself when i was 3 (big sis wouldnt walk with me!). It must've been all of 300feet with a single quiet road to cross. I was in more danger of being beaten up by the 'rival' religious school schoolkids.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 08/01/2015 19:08

I would think a junior school child is fine walking alone.

9Bluedolphins · 08/01/2015 19:10

The school may say that they prefer only Y6s to walk home, but it's actually the parents' decision, not the school's. It's very over-protective, as is typical in this country. When I wasn't that much older, I used to go home from school on my own on the underground, with a walk either end.
Why is the OPP so uncomfortable that a parent is making a different child related decision from her? There's no indication of whether and why she thinks that the child is unsafe.

SaucyJack · 08/01/2015 19:11

Was just going to ask how the school could not know .

Floggingmolly · 08/01/2015 19:11

Who can say for certainty what a "safe" route actually is, though? In our area (West London) the amount of alerts issued by the local schools about children being approached on their way home is frankly horrifying.

It's not a particularly dodgy area either, although I'm not sure it would make much difference if it was.

BMO · 08/01/2015 19:13

Year 3 is fine, lots of schools don't even hand over in person by junior age.

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 08/01/2015 19:14

My Yr 4 child started walking to school with my Yr 6 child last year and now goes alone if she wants to- she started aged 8 (Yr 3). That's also the age I let her go to the local shop. In both cases there are no major roads and other children do the same.

I wouldn't be concerned with this esp. if no major roads. I can't believe that every other child up to end Yr 5 is being picked up by a parent- ours are let out by themselves to make their way home (however they choose) by Yr 4.

SuburbanRhonda · 08/01/2015 19:15

The question was actually whether it was unreasonable to mention it to the school, not whether it was unreasonable for the child to be walking home by himself at the age of 7/8.

So my answer is YANBU OP. I'm sure that the school would be pleased that parents are alert to anything that concerns them about the safety of a child, even if their answer to you is that the parent is perfectly happy with it.

Original poster

ChaosTrulyReigns · 08/01/2015 19:15

The OP is uncomfortable as she would not makes that decision with her slightly older child. And obviously my gut feeling comes from my experiences and my perceptions.

I think I mentioned up thread that I can understand that others feel differently, and I'm big enough abd clever enough to accept that.

OP posts:

Original poster

ChaosTrulyReigns · 08/01/2015 19:18

Thanks, you lot, for working through tthis with me.

OP posts:

9Bluedolphins · 08/01/2015 19:20

I don't like this culture of parents "shopping" other parents to the school. It has the effect of the parents complained about having a bad mark against them, even if no action is taken. And everyone feels as though they're being spied on. OPP should mind her own business unless she genuinely and for good reason is concerned that the child is at risk. She appears not to like the parents, which may play a part in all this.

KatieKaye · 08/01/2015 19:25

It's a busy, non rural area that we live in. An elderly pedestrian was killed on the pavement by a driver in the last two years. So, I understand their concern.

Hmm - not sure what that tragic accident has to do with children walking a very short distance home or how that feeds into the concerns of schools. You cannot safeguard against cars mounting the pavement. An adult might be able to throw the child out of the way of the car if they had enough notice, but then again they might not.

The school offer suggestions to parents about how their children get to and from school. I wouldn't be concerned about a child this age doing this walk. I would be concerned if the child wasn't able to do this.

I live in a street with a school in it - the catchment area has a radius of 800 metres. It is amazing just how many others drive their children this short distance - and it isn't as if they are going off to work, as large groups stand and chat on sunny days for considerable periods of time. Schools should be encouraging children to walk to school wherever possible, with walking buses etc and teaching road safety. Fewer cars on the roads near schools at drop off times can only improve safety for everyone.

SuburbanRhonda · 08/01/2015 19:25

dolphins, so do you think people should STFU when they have a concern about a child?

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 08/01/2015 19:25

It doesn't have that effect at all, 9Bluedolphins. Particularly in this case, if the school have ok-ed it.

It's not 'Spying' it's Safeguarding and we all have a responsibility to that.

9Bluedolphins · 08/01/2015 19:32

The OP hasn't explained why she is concerned. On the contrary, she's said it's a safe walk. I would raise a concern if 1) it was a genuine and well reasoned concern that was worth raising (not just something small, like not wearing a coat, but something substantial), and I had good reason to believe that it would not have been raised already (some children obviously have social worker involvement already, and there are ongoing issues).
The OP should be careful that her complaint is not related to her obvious dislike of the parents.
In this case, it is highly unlikely that the school doesn't know. The route is safe and the child old enough anyway. The parent has made a different, but just as justifiable judgement call - so back off.

TheFirstOfHerName · 08/01/2015 19:37

But he's definitely younger than the age the school suggests they can walk home

Y6 is an arbitrary age decided at the discretion of that particular school. At DS3 & DD's school it's Y3. From Y3 most parents start to do staged independence, so my children met me at the edge of the school grounds to start with, then at the first road crossing and so on until they could make their way to and from school unsupervised (including crossing roads) from Y5.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 08/01/2015 19:37

Where has she said she dislikes the parents? All she's said is that she doesn't feel comfortable raising it directly with the parents, which is perfectly understandable.

Original poster

ChaosTrulyReigns · 08/01/2015 19:40

I didn't use the word safe. You have inferred that

I don't dislike these parents.

I object To your term "shopping". My dilemma was whether I was interfering or whether this scenario fit in with with safeguarding concerns.

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 08/01/2015 19:42

"Obvious dislike of the parents".....eh?

Original poster

ChaosTrulyReigns · 08/01/2015 19:45

And also, of you've read through my responses, you'll see my decision has been made with the help of wise MNers.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 08/01/2015 19:45

I work in an infant school and none of our children are allowed to leave unsupervised. They must be accompanied by an adult or a child of secondary school age, and a letter from home requesting it must have been sent in.

Once the children go to the junior school - same site, totally separate school - they can walk home alone - so from year 3.

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