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AIBU?

to be so sick of being the only one who complains

89 replies

sliceofsoup · 08/01/2015 17:24

DH is all big talk when we are in the house (I tune out mostly) but as soon as he is out and about he turns into "mister nice guy" and its really pissing me off.

Tonight he wanted to get a chippy for tea so we stopped off on the way home from his work. Get home and realise that even though he ordered chicken goujons (for me) they have given us chicken nuggets which are obviously cheaper, and rank. So we have been charged goujons prices for cheap crap I could have got in Iceland.

His meal is fine, so he says with a big sigh do you want me to go back. By which time his will be cold so I can hardly send him back, and as it wasnt me that ordered it I dont want to go back. I am pissed off. Even if he lifted the phone and complained I would feel like he actually cares, and if it was his meal he wouldnt have asked me should he go back he just would have. So they are all enjoying their dinner while I am not. At all. Its going in the bin.

Its not just this. In restaurants if we have bad service, or in shops, he will just wait until I say something even though hes pissed off too and is telling me so.

It just feels like he never sticks up for me.

I have been in a shitty mood today so maybe thats making me overreact.

OP posts:

Report

ADishBestEatenCold · 08/01/2015 18:58

Ah, crosspost.

"And btw just to clarify, when he asked did I want him to go back I didnt actually say no. I didnt say anything."

Well there lies your error ... you should have answered! You should have said 'Yes please. Shall I keep your's warm.

Maybe my 'martyr' guess does apply.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/01/2015 18:59

YANBU. You aren't allowed to complain about anything on MN and must suck up the cheaper nuggets though

sliceofsoup · 08/01/2015 19:03

He his now annoyed at me for "spoiling his dinner" because I ate a few chips and gave the nuggets to the dog.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 08/01/2015 19:05

Well he didn't make the nuggets so why should he be the one to complain what's stopping you from doing it, if you're sick of it then don't do it anymore.

defineme · 08/01/2015 19:05

Not replying to him is passive aggressive behaviour, but it's not about the goujons is it?
It's that you feel undervalued and overworked. You want somone to put you first and look after you because you look after everyone else.
Tell him how you feel using non blaming language such as I feel rather than you make me feel.

WooWooOwl · 08/01/2015 19:05

YABU

sooperdooper · 08/01/2015 19:06

If that had happened here we'd have split whatever DH had ordered, why didn't you eat all your chips rather than just a few, sounds like you're being a bit ott

sliceofsoup · 08/01/2015 19:09

I wasn't even being a martyr. I just didn't want the nuggets, and he knows I don't like them so it wasn't unusual.

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happyyonisleepyyoni · 08/01/2015 19:09

I agree with the OP actually, it would have been nice if her DP had done the gentlemanly thing and gone back to get her the meal she wanted. His could have been kept warm in the oven. Sad that men these days don't have any balls or manners.

sliceofsoup · 08/01/2015 19:11

Oh fgs. I ate some chips and they were really weirdly greasy, not their usual standard at all. So I didn't eat them all. He didn't eat his chips either, but thats my fault rather than the chips being greasy, of course.

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sooperdooper · 08/01/2015 19:11

He offered though, and she said no!!

ADishBestEatenCold · 08/01/2015 19:13

"I wasn't even being a martyr. I just didn't want the nuggets, and he knows I don't like them so it wasn't unusual."

Well, why did you not answer him when he offered to take them back?

RandomNPC · 08/01/2015 19:13

'Gentlemanly thing'
Men nowadays don't have any balls or manners? Nice bit of sexism there.

sliceofsoup · 08/01/2015 19:16

I didn't say no. And I wasn't being PA either. The DCs were waiting on theirs and as usual, I have to serve everyone else so he asked and I didn't want to say yes and spoil his so I just didn't say anything. A split second after he asked he then went on to say he definitely ordered goujons and hes not stupid and he wouldn't have said nuggets and by the time that rant of his was over they were all sitting eating.

So it wasnt really a question. He was just saying it so he can say he offered. And I knew that from the big sigh. God does that even make sense?

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RatherEmbarassed · 08/01/2015 19:18

And btw just to clarify, when he asked did I want him to go back I didnt actually say no. I didnt say anything. I just served up the DCs and by then he had sat down to eat his. You didn't respond? What are you complaining about? He offered you could have said yes, and instead sulked?

I'm guessing there is more to this and your resentment of him... otherwise you are sounding like a bit of a sour puss I'm afraid

BumWad · 08/01/2015 19:22

You come across as really hard work op.

Teeb · 08/01/2015 19:25

Whatever he did he would have been in the wrong to you.

You ordered a chippy, there was an error/it wasn't as nice as usual and it's a shame, but life is too short for all the angst.

ToyStory3 · 08/01/2015 19:27

What exactly did you want him to do?

Jessica85 · 08/01/2015 19:28

YABU. Some people complain when things aren't right, other people shrug it off. Getting annoyed at someone for being one way or the other is unreasonable.

ADishBestEatenCold · 08/01/2015 19:30

"I didn't say no."

You didn't say anything, sliceofsoup! You didn't answer him!

Why didn't you simply say something like, 'Yes please. Shall I keep yours warm'

sliceofsoup · 08/01/2015 19:33

Its not about the chippy. The chippy was an example.

No he probably couldn't have won with the chippy. I do realise IABU regarding the chippy. It wasn't his fault. Though I did sit and eat some of it to show that I knew it wasn't his fault.

And I will accepy IABU to expect him to complain, when he clearly has some issue with it. I will just have to try to not expect him to complain in future.

I still don't think IABU regarding everything else. I am over looked and I do have to organise him and it would have just been nice for him to offer genuinely to take it back instead of the fake offer I did get. And I am not hard work, whatever this thread may read like. He has it easy. which is the point

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KatieKaye · 08/01/2015 19:34

it sounds like you wanted to punish DH because the chip shop got the order wrong.

Given the scheme of things, it would have been really daft for him to leave his tea to go back to the shop and change yours while you stayed at home watching his tea get cold or dry out in the oven. The sensible thing would have been for you to go and change your nuggets and let the rest of the family eat their tea.

It also sounds as if DH was damned if he did go back and damned if he didn't because you didn't say yes and you didn't say no. I can't imagine there was a particularly pleasant atmosphere at the tea table tonight.

You wanted chicken - you got chicken.

Oh - and chip shop chips are meant to be greasy. That's what makes the so wonderful.

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sliceofsoup · 08/01/2015 19:35

I didn't say yes because then he would have huffed and puffed and made a big deal out of doing it. I have taken him up on these fake offers before and its just not worth suffering his martyrdom all evening.

OP posts:

SingingTunelessly · 08/01/2015 19:39

Oh, Sliceofsoup, it's not just about the chicken bits is it. It's that whole feeling of sadness/despair/pissed off-ness. No answers I'm afraid. You posted in AiBU so you're going to get answers that mean on the face of it YABU. I do get where you're coming from tho.

Moniker1 · 08/01/2015 19:40

Sounds like you don't like being mother to DH along with the DCs and that he should show some decisiveness now and again but doesn't.

Needs some more thought and prioritizing what you really want him to do differently. Rather than just being annoyed at this example.

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