To be upset over this lost friendship?

[Thedancefloorsatemptress]

Hi all. I met one of my past closest friends at secondary school. We were inseparable, daft, very close and I never thought that we would be apart.

We grew up together, helped each other through everything. She had a tendency to be sulky and one sides however I always saw through it and accepted her flaws as she accepted mine or so I thought.

Anyway I met her uncle at a party about 7 years ago. We started dating properly 4 years ago.

DF was ALWAYS completely aware of our feelings towards each other and we only started dating officially with her blessing, out of respect really. For the record DF's DM is a lot older than her brother (my DP - hope you're following me still!) they are half siblings and the family isn't particularly close.

Anyway I always made sure that I made time for DF, I didn't want her to think that I was forsaking her because I had a new fella or that I had been using her to get close to her uncle. We had nights out as normal, went for walks, girly nights in etc.

About a year after me and DP started dating, DF turned on me. She just completely blanked me, no explanation, no reason that I can see. I have tried texting her, ringing her etc but she jut completely ignores me.

We've never even had cross words before. I just can't think what I've done wrong! I am currently 7 months pregnant with our first child.

I went to my MWs appointment last week an they referred me for another scan as baby is measuring small. I got myself in a complete state about it. I threw up when I got home an DP found me lying in a heap on the floor. He took me round to MIL's house and (ex) DF was there. MIL was ranting on about the MW's causing me to panic probably unnessecarily. Ex DF's response was 'well they have to get their laughs from somewhere.'

That comment really upset me. I thought she would've at least had the decency to say something positive or not say anything at all.

She won't even look me in the eye!!
I miss her but then I wonder if she was ever really a friend at all.

Yeah, that's not much at all in the scheme of things. More like a cousin, which wouldn't unnerve me at all. So nope, it can't be to do with that I think. Weird.

Why can't you talk to her about it instead of speculating?

I think you have to accept she was part of your past and not your future. You can't look to yourself for a reason for her behaviour.

Be kind to her - keep the door open. If you join local mum/kids groups you'll find a lot of people who are at the same stage of life as you and you will find new supportive friends who you'll need when your little one comes along.

Congratulations.

Have tried talking to her but she just pushes past me. There's no sitting her down calmly, we've tried. I think she enjoys the fact that she's being so awkward. She's more than likely been encouraged somewhere along the line

How old were you when the relationship with your partner started, OP?

I was 21 and he was 26

She didnt try and control your love life did she?

I ask because I had a friend who tried to do that, one time I wouldnt let her she turned nasty with me. I havent spoke to her in over a decade and I dont miss her.

Well, that's hardly scandalous. I was wondering if you were 15 or something. Your friend doesn't sound like much of a loss but it sounds like an unpleasant situation to be in.

I think I'd limit my contact completely as much as possible with her side of the family unless there is a marked improvement.

If she's not prepared to talk, I would leave it and her in the past. Yes it might be jealousy for all kinds of reasons. That is hardly an age gap, it not like there is a 20 year one or something.

I think you're right. She was obviously never really a friend and looking back it was all pretty one sided.

Bigger fish to fry and all that. I thought she would maybe like to meet her new baby cousin and be a part of his/her life. I'm obviously just too naïve

What was she like when you had previous boyfriends?

To be fair I'd never really had a boyfriend but I suspect she would've been similar. Being with her uncle has given her more ammunition to be untoward down right nasty

It's only bitchy if you're homophobic Rebecca.

If the OP's friend was a man, most people would find it a perfectly reasonable and uncontroversial theory.

Thank you saucyjack. It wasn't meant nastily. However I can see how it could be contrived as a mallicious rumour. It's not like anybody has said this is definitely why she's been off. It's been speculated by more than one or two people. People with whom we were also friends with.

Perhaps from an outsiders view they saw more thn we did

If your DP is your first proper boyfriend, then I suggest what others have said, that this girl saw you as "hers" and relied on you too much to be "hers" and now you've made it clear it you arent, shes getting nasty.

If she didnt like you hanging out with anyone else, then the theory is probably true.

How frustrating, I don't think there is much you can do other than rise above it and ignore it all. How long do you have left at work ?
Is dp getting pissed off with it all ?

DP is getting mad with the whole family. The thing is that if DP 'has words' with them all it will come back on me and you can guarantee that I'll be the shit stirring DIL or whatever.

They all stick together no matter what. Blood is thicker than water I guess. I just hate the stress it's causing me. I've got high blood pressure and feel as though I'm always having to watch my back.

This baby is much wanted and was planned but there was a vicious rumour going around that I had gotten pregnant on purpose to trap DP!! I have a feeling that I know who started it!! I don't need to 'trap' DP! We love each other!!!

Tbh your dp family sound might toxic, would it do your health good, if you just distance yourself from them. You have a relationship with your dp, does not mean you have a relationship with all his family. If you get on, that's great, if not distance yourself.