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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not contact ex when have baby

42 replies

ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 20:33

im 24 weeks pregnant. ex last bothered to ask about baby when i was 14 weeks. I sent him a couple of how are you type messages and also offered for him to go to 20 week scan with me. he never came to the scan. and he has never asked about pregnancy/baby. im thinking if he was that bothered he would at least ask. or do i tell him when baby is born then leave the ball in his court. he done a runner 3 times when i was first pregnant... then i ended the relationship...

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Notgoodwithwords · 08/01/2015 16:59

I was in your position 3 years ago op
DS's dad said that he wanted nothing to do with ds from the start & stuck by that ever since.. Has never acknowledged him... I was hopeful at the start that he would change his mind once he got over the shock but never did. He passed us a couple of times in the street & just looked away.. It hurt like hell that he could reject our son but now I hardly give the scum bag a 2nd thought.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 17:00

that makes sense solid

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Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 17:02

i would just rather if he truely does not want to know and just wants to piss of that he says/does that. because i would rather it sooner rather than later.

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Andrewofgg · 08/01/2015 17:14

OP Congratulations and Flowers

Don't update him - but if he asks afterwards of course you must tell him. Have you and he any friends who know you both and who might pass the news?

Of course if you want CM you will have to tell him the name and d.o.b. of the baby.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 17:24

i boubt very much i would get cm out of him. he just seemed proud of telling me how he got away with paying for his daughters for man many years.

i dont have any friends that would pass him the news... child in me wants to leave it and see if he contacts me.

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Andrewofgg · 08/01/2015 17:34

ghostspirit I'm sorry. You've met a right charmer there, haven't you? Nothing childish about waiting for him to contact you, as long as you tell him the truth (name and approximate age of LO) if and when he does.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 17:52

haha andrewspirt it will most likely be hi how are you? im ok. hows little one. ok. boy or girl... boy.. how old is he. hes 4 he starts school soon. lol. or oh he left home a long time ago hes married with children... but to go post office now to get my pension.

i even forgot his name the other day :/

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FuckOffGerbil · 08/01/2015 18:01

Congrats OP!

You would not be unreasonable to not tell him. At the end of the day...he knows how far a long you are and will have a general idea of when you give birth. He can ask if he is interested. Personally I'd make no effort as you will be chasing him for visits for years if you start now. Let him earn it if he wants it.

HolyShitSnacks · 08/01/2015 18:02

You should text him when you have the baby, then leave the rest up to him.

It doesn't matter what the child in you thinks (or how much of an arsewipe your ex is), you have a child together and you're potentially going to have this man in your life for the next 16ish years in some way or another.

I say this as someone who has been in a very similar situation to you.

SistersOfPercy · 08/01/2015 18:06

I wouldn't text him when the baby comes personally. I'm guessing he knows the due date and I'm sure even he realises a baby will appear after 9 months. If he's interested he'll text you I'm sure.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 18:08

holy i doubt if he can be arsed to bother now he will do in 16 years. if he cany even be arsed to send a message saying hows it going. or turn up for the scan. i would be very surprised if he bothered when baby here

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Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 18:16

im not even sure if he does know the due date. i cant remember

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Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 19:46

i decided to message him to see what responce i got. he said things like he was sorting his flat out. his daughter broke up with his girl friend. asked me how the kids are. and hows my teenage daughters love life. asked if my landlords have fixed out standing repairs. tell me about work.... then i pregnancy is doing fine incase you were intrested. He said do you have a bump yet.... then he said as long as you and baby are fine. then said he of to have shower...

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Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 19:46

meant to say then i said pregnancy going fine....

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Andrewofgg · 08/01/2015 20:00

You tried the experiment, you got the result. If you open a bottle of shit expect the room to stink!

All the best. I don't suppose you'll contact him again.

Starlightbright1 · 08/01/2015 20:06

I would text him when baby is born..Not an opened ended message a factual date weight..normal stuff...This means if he wants a relationship with this baby he has to do something about it not have it all laid on a plate.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/01/2015 20:18

lol Andrew i probably wont bother. he did ask me how many weeks i was forgot to add that and then was going on about how he was trying to get his daughter and her bf back together as shes angry with him because he had taken cocaine that kind of put me of more what sort of father encourages his daughter to see someone who takes drugs...

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