what advice saved your sanity during the terrible twos?

[Loopylala7]

DD1 is very much in the throws of her terrible twos. Every time we go out for food she throws a major tantrum, she also refuses to get dressed, laughs in my face when I tell her off, takes herself to the naughty corner, won't listen to the teacher if I take her to a class, refuses food I know she likes ...I could go on.

I've tried many of super nannys tricks with the whole coming down to her level, trying to use a calm firm voice, 2 minutes in the naughty corner etc, but quite honestly am beginning to despair. What was the best piece of advice you were offered for dealing with such behaviour?

As everyone else has said - pick your battles.
Also remember that for when they are teens!
You'll get there.

Vodka

I did bugger all and just waited until she was 3 and slightly more reasonable!

She is 6 now and very reasonable.

I am planning to do the same with baby no 2 (10 months at the mo).

Oh - I did go back to work and put them in a nursery, that probably helped!

PS - Toffee I love your idea!

"this too will pass" and "never give in to a temper tantrum"

(I'm there again with my youngest now)

Timely thread for me, I am really struggling with DS who is 2 and 2 months. He is late on the talking curve (have seen SALT and they weren't worried) and has only just got a few words.

He is so destructive, breaks everything, doesn't care if we tell him off, won't stop anything when told, hits and bites but only us and his sister, so I know he can stop and won't stay on the naughty step. We also struggle to get him to bed as he can climb out of his cot and over the stair gate on his door.

I am at the end of my tether, please tell me it ends. DD was always too good.

Lambzig mine turned 2 on halloween and only has a few words yet too. His brother was nearly as slow to talk, and now he's 4 it's more an issue to shut him up occasionally :) they all develop at different rates. Apparently Einstein was a very late talker, so they're in good company.

On the other hand, he was an early walker and is advanced in other ways.

Not worrying yet.

It does lead to more tantrums when I can't understand what he wants, though.

Back off, back off, back off. No matter how bolshy she seems, she's tiny and just trying to assert the minuscule amount of controls she has in the world. You are huge to her, and if you threaten her in any way (even if you're trying to be calm and kind, a slight rise in tone, too close to her face, can seem very threatening) she will react like any small animal - in crazy, hysterical way (hence the laughing).

Step back. Take a breath. If classes are causing stress, don't go to them. Go to toddler groups instead where she can just run around. Be assertive and don't dither or discuss when it comes to decisions, so it's a bright and breezy "Shoes on!" then give her a sec to comply, if she doesn't just get on with it (gently) without getting cross. If you have to manhandle her, gently, do it, don't get into a standoff because she won't be able to handle it and there's no point to it. Keep the day moving, don't dwell, don't over explain, just get on with things. If she screams, so what? She's little, little ones scream. Let others tut, fuck em.

She will grow out of it. Don't get bogged down, don't worry. Just know what you're doing and do it. Praise her for every good thing she does. Play with her and enjoy her.

Ds went through a phrase of proper screaming tantrums with kicking legs abc lying on floor between 18 mo and 2. I found totally ignoring him and moving away and being busy with something else worked the best. I would say to him ' oh dear, I will be over here doing x when you ve finished having your baby tantrum' and literally walk off. Easy at home but when out I would say the same but just busy myself next to him being on my phone or looking in a shop window. It's hard when you're out and people stare but it worked. He still had mild tantrums now he's 2 but not full on ones.

I also found allowing him time to think he was doing it and his terms rather than being told to do it works well too. Ds is very determined and stubborn too so rather than make it a battle I would warn him a few minutes before that we are going out/getting dressed/ put things away etc. then I would get his shoes or whatever it was out/ sit next to tidying up stuff. If he started running away from me /throwing a tantrum/saying no I would just wait or busy myself getting myself ready and say we re not going to have time to do x if you don't put your coat/shoes on now. Big boys put their coat on etc. I might have to do that a few times and it does need patience. If still refusing I say ok we won't be able to go then or ok I am going then and will pretend to leave. 9/10 times he runs over and does what I want happily. I think because he feels he has chosen to do it rather than has been told to do it.

Advice I found useful-Penelope Leach: let yes be your default unless there's a reason not to allow it-they're more likely to want to please you that way and, general child psych books, tantrums are nit 'bad behaviour', they are a developmentally normal way of expressing their distress-they have no control really in their lives and on top of that their brains are not developed enough to reflect/rationalise etc. Don't reward, don't punish, allow the emotion and move on. 2.5 toughest time apparently-in middle of same here although not too many tantrums just general hilarious irrationality. Will post a really brief but interesting link on it.
(Wouldn't dream of naughty step here)

Happy New Year! Saw this and thought you might find it interesting www.odessa.edu/dept/psychology/cwells/gesells_stages_of_development.htm had to laugh at first sentence in no.4 for 2.5 yo!!

I got much of the advice that's been mentinned here but tbh at the time I didn't pay much heed to it as her (dd2's) were daily and just fucking wearing. She reduced me to tears on a every day.

It does pass of course. Everyone was right when they said that and it's a bloody relief.

I agree with mikado that 2.5 is generally too young for the naughty step - you'll just confuse and annoy her and drive yourself nuts.

In general, IMO, discipline should be kept to a firm "no" and removing her from the situation if necessary. Anything beyond that is just going to wind everyone up and achieve nothing.

DD1 is very fond of telling me if I'm not reacting that "I'm cwying here mummy, you're stopping me having fun" - Love it!

I like cailin's & mikado's approach, too. Basically it's an obvious developmental stage, so there's no reason to take it personally (can be difficult to remember that when your child's doing their best to murder you, though!)

Some great tips here, thank you, thank you, thank you! Also that link is excellent

Just remember that this too will pass.

Something a friend told me kept me going, that at that age you can forget rationalising with them, its all about distraction and coercion!

Another one watching with interest!! My dd is just shy of 2.5 and is proving to be 'spirited'

I too pick my battles, but the one thing that gets me through the tantrums is to take a photo of her mid-tantrum & send it to my best friend (who's her godmother) with a little description of the reason for the tantrum. This cheers me up no end, makes my BF laugh and I look forward to showing Dd the pictures when she's older mean mummy!