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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel uncomfortable with ds homework?

53 replies

ThePickledPoet · 07/01/2015 09:17

Hi, my 7 year old son came home with this poem to read and then had to write about his own/family/friends pet (name, likes/dislikes, and any story whether it be that they've lost a pet or an amusing story...)
I'm not sure I like the thought of a 7 year old reading about a dead cat!
I think I'm being over sensitive and last night I just let him get on with it (he didn't find it upsetting or anything, and wrote a story about our pet) so I didnt make an issue of it.
I'm just wondering what you make of it?

Cat's Funeral
E.V. Rieu

Bury her deep, down deep,
Safe in the earth's cold keep.
Bury her deep--

No more to watch bird stir;
No more to clean dark fur;
No more to glisten as silk;
No more to revel in milk;
No more to purr.

Bury her deep, down deep;
She is beyond warm sleep.
She will not walk in the night;
She will not wake to the light.
Bury her deep.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 07/01/2015 12:00

I think its important to talk about death before it touches children too closely. A child at ds's school lost both parents last week, and I was glad we'd talked a lot about death, working up from goldfish before I had to tell ds about that.

BarbarianMum · 07/01/2015 12:07

I didn't read the OP properly Blush and thought your ds had written the poem. Was amazed you weren't more impressed by his obvious talent. Grin

YackityUnderTheMistletoe · 07/01/2015 12:26

When DS was 6, one of his teachers (in a very small school) suffered a tragic loss that had all the parents sad and very nervous about how their children would react. We were asked to tell them about it over the weekend, and that there would be more discussion about it on the Monday.

I told DS, his response? 'Oh, that's so sad' with a very sad face. Then promptly went on to ask something about we were doing later that day.

And most of the children reacted in a similar way.

They are quite matter of fact about death - I find it quite mawkish at the moment the way he goes on about death now (he's 7 now). Creeps me out, but for him it's all very abstract.

applejacksauntie · 07/01/2015 12:37

I have a 7 year old and she is quite matter of fact about death. Think at that age they don't entirely understand the finality of it. We are lucky to not have been touched by death of a family member yet (only pets so far). Poem does seem a little creepy.

LeonardWentToTheOffice · 07/01/2015 12:40

I think that poem's beautiful OP.
It reminds me of this book Love That Dog This book is amazing and made me sob Smile

Gautami · 07/01/2015 12:50

I do agree that discussion around death should be open and transparent from an early age. But, it needs to be approached in the right way.

I think the poem might be worth exploring if the teacher was helping the class explore/deal with death/bereavement/loss/burial. But it sounds like the topic was pets and family. So then why give them a potentially very emotive poem that is practically off-topic and may not get dealt with sensitively or appropriately.

Unless the teacher is very sure that all the children in her class will not feel affected by it, or is prepared to put in some serious emotional support if needed, she was wrong to send this poem home.

Yackity although your ds's reponse was entirely appropriate for him. Imagine the impact on a sibling, cousin, close friend etc.

Another point is that most pets, and people, get cremated nowadays. So I imagine this poem brought up a whole other topic of funeral practices that hopefully the teacher was prepared for and able to answer.

NiceCupOfTeaAndAPartyRing · 07/01/2015 13:01

For ages I thought your DS had actually written that poem and thought what an absolute child genius he was. Adds nothing to conversation.

Evelight · 07/01/2015 13:09

Nothing wrong with the poem, and even if the child is upset with it, why not? Why shouldn't we be exposed to a bit of poetic upset from time to time?

Gautami · 07/01/2015 13:21

Yes Evelight, you're right with that. But I always expect teachers to have a point to their planned lessons. This poem seems mismatched to the accompanying work.

This is different to just coming across a poem at random. If you knew someone was recently bereaved, you wouldn't give them this poem would you.

perfectlybroken · 07/01/2015 13:23

I can see why it was chosen as it's simple yet conveys something quite deep. I think we can be tempted to project our own feelings about death upon children, and if he didn't find it upsetting perhaps nothing to worry about.

myfallingstar · 07/01/2015 13:26

I think children exploring their feeling about death is very important most children will experince the death of a pet or a grandparent

I think the poem is lovely

scotchfreeescapegoat · 07/01/2015 13:27

poetry is supposed to be evocative. They are supposed to feel something. It is good to get kids talking about and thinking about difficult subjects. The problem here seems to be not that the children might get upset but that the adults in their lives are uncomfortable helping them reconcile those feelings.

Also kids are incredibly prosaic about a lot of topics that have adults writhing in emotional turmoil.

Gautami · 07/01/2015 13:33

I think we can also be tempted to minimize the feelings of children who have been bereaved or are having to deal with death in their lives. It's not always obvious who they are.

Op's son was fine with this, as most kids would be. I hope they all were.

Gautami · 07/01/2015 13:38

my 7 year old son came home with this poem to read and then had to write about his own/family/friends pet (name, likes/dislikes, and any story whether it be that they've lost a pet or an amusing story...)

Scotch you're right, it is good to get kids talking about death. But for some you cant just leave it hanging and then move on to little johnny's amusing story or Amelia's list of likes and dislikes.

lemisscared · 07/01/2015 13:40

my dd is 9 and would be distraught

Stinkle · 07/01/2015 13:58

Scotch you're right, it is good to get kids talking about death. But for some you cant just leave it hanging and then move on to little johnny's amusing story or Amelia's list of likes and dislikes.

Totally agree.

We've never shielded our kids from death, we lost my grandmother 2 years ago, last year a child in my DD's class died suddenly and we've lost family pets so we've never shied away from it, and it's not a case of me not wanting my precious little princess upset either.

My DD has pretty bad anxiety so to throw a poem like this at her and to then just leave it hanging would leave her distraught. Especially the lines about "bury her deep" and "earth's cold keep" - she had pretty bad nightmares for months after we buried our cat.

The poem just doesn't seem to fit with the work a class of 7 year olds were then expected to produce.

Evelight · 07/01/2015 14:29

"Also kids are incredibly prosaic about a lot of topics that have adults writhing in emotional turmoil."

Yes indeed- gay people and graveyards for example.

@Guatami But there is no evidence that anybody, lest of all OP's son was "recently bereaved". I agree that had the teacher known of a recent pet-death in class, it would have been a bit much.

Actually I remember now that ds had had a similar lesson a couple of yrs back, about pets, and he was horribly upset -with me- for constantly refusing to buy a pet. Apparently EVERYBODY in class had pets to talk about, and he didn't. I don't think he would have cared so much about pets dying, just never having one. As Tennyson said (continuing on the poetics), better to have loved and lost, etc etc.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 07/01/2015 14:38

I have no problem with them discussing death.

However, that poem is unnecessarily harsh and cold for 7 year olds and does not tie in with the homework. I'd have been less than impressed.

OTheHugeManatee · 07/01/2015 15:18

It's not a creepy poem, it's sad and evocative.

Unless you read it in a creepy voice. Then it's creepy Grin

OP, I think YABU a bit.

42bunnytails · 07/01/2015 15:23

That's horrible, DD2 would have remembered burying her favourite tropical fish and wanted to cry.

She probably wouldn't have cried, but come home in a grotty non talking, horrible mood.

Utterly unnecessary.

Original poster
ThePickledPoet · 07/01/2015 15:37

Thanks everyone for the replies Smile
Hopefully I'm not being unreasonable (in the sense I haven't gone guns blazing to the teacher etc or made a drama to other parents!) ds was fine about it and new homework tonight with a safer option of mathematics Wink
Just wondered whether other mums and dads felt like I did. Thanks everyone :) xxx

OP posts:
Gautami · 07/01/2015 15:41

Evelight That's my point. It's not always obvious who's going through what, or which child has been through what. It's perfectly possible for a 7 years old to have had several traumatic experiences (for them) that the teacher is either unaware of, or thinks that sufficient time has passed.

I don't think a teacher can assume to know everything that has happened, or will happen in a child's life. What if one of those kids has sudden death or terminal diagnosis in the family next week?

HumphreyCobbler · 07/01/2015 15:42

I think that while this is a good poem, I would avoid using it for a class of seven year old children because at this age their parents are best placed to have discussions about death rather than the teachers.

Gautami · 07/01/2015 15:43

Pickled Of course yanbu. You managed it perfectly for your ds. Sorry for ranting on a bit on your thread. It's a subject close to my heart. Smile

SistersOfPercy · 07/01/2015 16:10

One of my favourite poems at that age was....

^Sausage dog.
Busy street.
Motor car.
Minced meat.^

I was a bit of an odd child though.