To think you should never ask...

[Sitzpinkler]

Why someone had surgery. Am back in work after the holidays but was out for two weeks before then after surgery. It was an emergency surgery and DH had to call reception to let them know I was in the A&E. My manager was in a meeting so he left the message with reception just saying that I was going to require surgery, plus his number if my manager wanted to speak to him. So fast forward to yesterday and I'm making a brew at the tea station. A girl that I know to see and idle chat with says to me "are you feeling better?" I said "yes thank you" and she said "what surgery did you have done?" The first thing that came to my head was appendix (it wasn't) and I just said that. In fact the surgery I had was a salpingectomy (fallopian tube removal) because I had a ruptured tube due to an 8w+2d ectopic much wanted pregnancy and I didn't want to discuss any of it with her. AIBU to think that you should never, ever ask a person what surgery they had done?

I don't think it's an age thing, I think it's a social skills thing! I'm still in my teens and I would never ask someone this, it's personal and could easily be something upsetting or embarrassing.

YANBU

I've recently had surgery to remove my large intestine due to Crohn's, I now have a stoma. My boss and a few good work friends know the situation but I've not told anyone else in work. I went in for a visit yesterday to hand in my sick line and see everyone and one of the girls who works in a different department was sitting in the staffroom, she asked what my op was for, I said it was crohns related and she pipes up 'ewww does that mean you have a bag', I lied and said no it was just a section of my bowel that was taken away, no bag required! She then proceeded to say she saw someone on holiday with one and couldn't go in the pool again because this girl with a bag was in the pool and she didn't want to be in a pool full of shit!

I was pretty angry, I did tell her that there was probably more shit particles floating around in the pool from people not wiping their asses properly, as the water actually touches people's asses, very unlikely to happen with a sealed ileostomy bag! Stupid bitch!

I don't think yabu . Wouldn't bother me if someone asked me that question as I'm pretty open (probably too much) about that sort if stuff

On the other hand I wouldn't ask someone else .

Yanbu. I was once asked by a tactless colleague (much younger gormless male) why I had been to see my GP. I smiled sweetly and gave him the full history of the relevant gynaecological difficulty. he won't do that again.

I wouldn't have been bothered but then I am pretty open. I would prob have asked mySelf to make conversation / show concern. I was open about my two miscarriages. I don't think it should be a taboo subject or something I have to hide from the world. And I don't expect people to tip toe round me.

Sorry for your loss...

She is being quite nosey but some people are. I had twins in my early 40's (after many years/cycles of IVF, that only family knew about), and a couple of people who I didn't know asked me if I'd had IVF, like it was quite normal to ask people about the conception of their respective child/ren. I replied by saying "well if you tell me where/when/how you conceived I'll tell you how we did"! Usually shut them up.

IMO the person at fault is the person/s who thought it ok to tell others that you were in hospital. Receptionist should have only told your manager, then they both should have kept it to themselves.

OMG Ilovefrogs that's an awful thing to have happen. What a nasty girl.

It's not that I wanted people to tip toe around me. I probably wouldn't have been able to stop myself from crying and that's not something I want to do in the office! It was a very traumatic experience. Besides losing the baby and the tube, I lost a lot of blood and was in considerable pain before the op and it literally was a case of rushing me into theatre. So, rightly so I think, I'm still a little bit emotionally bruised from it.

It got around because I have a very cross departmental role that means I need to be available to a lot of people who rely on me for quick answers. I have one other team member who needed to be informed because he needed to pick up the slack. It was bound to get around that I was in the hospital as people would question my absence but thankfully it wasn't what I was in for that was broadcast.

I think in those circumstances, it's best to say "I'd rather not say what the surgery was as it is personal" rather than make something up as that could get awkward in the future. I agree she shouldn't have asked but she was probably just trying to make conversation and it probably wouldn't occur to her that it would be something you wouldn't want to talk about. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Sounds very traumatic.

YANBU it never fails to amaze me what people at work ask.

If someone says 'I had an op on my knee' then I think it's fine to be nosy and ask what they had done to it etc.

If someone says 'I had an op' then you ask if they're feeling better etc.

I had one man at work say 'I hear you're pregnant - congratulations - or is it?' I was stumped and bloody answered him. I had a lot of ops and problems and a mc before.