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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a different engagement ring?

44 replies

RibenaBabe · 06/01/2015 15:25

So last weekend DP and I with 8m DS in tow, went shopping and one of the things we do is look in all the windows of the jewellery shops pointing out what we like (which isn't usually a lot as we are picky). Anyway we saw a ring on sale (£900 down from £1500) and DP said try it on. We never actually go in but I thought why not!

So asked DP which finger I should put it on and he said whichever u like, so I tried it on my ring finger. We both still liked it so I asked the sales lady to give us a min as DP wasn't getting the hint and asked him outright if this was an engagement ring. (DP has always said I would have to put the ring on his finger, which I took to mean asking him). So we're engaged!

While I like the ring a lot I didn't realise that the ring was an eternity ring AIBU to want this ring as a ring to celebrate DS birth and to get another ring as an engagement ring that is more bling especially as we need to buy a bigger family car?

We have to go back next week to pick up the ring in my size, AIBU to look at our rings particularly the £11 grand one I like but is way over our budget?

OP posts:

squoosh · 06/01/2015 17:06

An eternity ring
An engagement ring
A new car

All you need to complete the set is a new pony.

Dontwanttobeyourmonkeywench · 06/01/2015 17:09

Umm I have 2 engagement rings and 2 half eternity rings from DH I chose my 1st ring but DH wasn't keen on it so when we had more money he bought me another one. Hence 2 eternity rings because the 1st one didn't really go with the 2nd engagement ring.

None of the rings have been more than £100 (in the sales,I'm tight lol) but DH finally talked me into choosing a replacement wedding ring now that I'm not being a nurse anymore and can wear one with stones. I now have a platinum and diamond ring shaped like a lariat and will be getting my eternity rings re-sized so that I can wear them on my right hand

DH is finally happy that he has got me the ring that he couldn't afford 17yrs ago and I'm happy because the design is very much to my taste.

ToffeeCaramel · 06/01/2015 19:43

Itsjusta I don't think anyone has said you are less married as you don't have a ring. My question was about what the dp said when the op asked if it was an engagement ring (he didn't seem to be very forthcoming and the op didn't say what he said) and op then said it was an eternity ring, so I wasn't sure if that was what the dp had said it was to be (I wouldn't be able to tell whether a ring was an engagement or an eternity ring.)

ApocalypseThen · 06/01/2015 20:03

Well going against the grain here, I think if there's a ring you like better and you can afford it, go for it. Nobody else really notices your rings but if you love them yourself, why not get the one you like?

That's what I did, years on I look at them with joy every day and I don't regret a cent of the extra I spent.

Mind you, I would never be able to make a chicken last a family of four for a week, so I'm definitely not the one for fiscal advice if that's what you need.

FreeWee · 06/01/2015 20:28

Mine isn't a typical solitaire (flame me but they're 10 a penny; I can't say "wow that's lovely" because it looks like every other solitaire engagement ring I see)

I have a three differing sizes of diamond ring but love the look of eternity style rings. If it's beautiful and it's your engagement ring then it doesn't have to be a solitaire. Get a cheap (£20) solitaire from somewhere else if you like the look of them but if you only want one because it's a typical engagement ring then I wouldn't bother if I was you.

SylviaPouncer · 06/01/2015 23:08

If you don't love your ring, swap it. But as others have said, an engagement ring does not have to be a solitaire. Mine isn't.

OOAOML · 07/01/2015 11:56

I have two children and have been married over 10 years and never considered expecting rings for either - no problem with people who do, but you don't have to. The main questions surely are whether you like the ring and whether you are comfortable wearing it. I don't like eternity rings as they seem to be a big band of stones, and don't look comfortable to wear.

applejacksauntie · 07/01/2015 12:46

Can you afford another ring? My engagement ring cost 250 and I thought that was too expensive. If you can afford an additional ring go for it but if it is at the expense of the family definitely not

applejacksauntie · 07/01/2015 12:48

Apocalypse I thought all mumsnetters could make a chicken last a week!!

ArsenicFaceCream · 07/01/2015 12:55

So asked DP which finger I should put it on and he said whichever u like

Umm I have 2 engagement rings and 2 half eternity rings from DH blush I chose my 1st ring but DH wasn't keen on it so when we had more money he bought me another one. Hence 2 eternity rings because the 1st one didn't really go with the 2nd engagement ring.

This place is knee deep in spoilt loons. See also the recent 'shall i upgrade my engagement ring after x years?' thread.

WannaBe · 07/01/2015 12:58

doesn't an engagement mean you intend to spend an eternity together?

I love rings they're my jewellery weakness, so I think it stands to reason that if you saw a different ring you might like it more etc, but isn't that the same with most things? we buy something, we see something else we like, we might buy that as well, etc? or not, depending on your financial ability?

I have recently learned that jewellery is worthless as soon as you walk out of the shop with it, so the eleven grand ring would probably be worth about £250 if you tried to sell it on.

DidoTheDodo · 07/01/2015 12:58

My ExH got me an eternity ring. Probably because he was having an affair at the time.

Enjoy what you have!

SASASI · 07/01/2015 13:00

My engagement ring is 3 stones. My eternity ring is similar to my wedding ring. I love them altogether. But if I didn't totally love them I would do something about it - a lifetime of wear is a long time - if we could afford it.

In your position I would go for the family car, if it's a choice.

11k is crazy £ for a ring IME

Tinkerball · 07/01/2015 13:03

I lost my engagement ring years ago, took an allergic reaction to my wedding ring one day (despite it being gold) and had to get it cut off at the hospital - didn't get another one for 5 years! Unfortunately my eternity ring had to get cut off as well, maybe it will be another 5 years before I get a new one. Personally I think spending £900 on a ring is mad and I still don't get gnd link between it and needing s bigger car, I know you said you need a bigger car but what had that to do with a £900 engagement ring?

jeee · 07/01/2015 13:06

I lost the diamond out of my H Samuels solitaire diamond engagement ring. So now I have a gold band with silver claws holding precisely nothing. However, I do have rather nice memories of DH proposing (whilst suffering severe embarrassment) in front of the Trevi fountain. The ring really isn't that important.

*Disclaimer: I might think differently about an £11K ring

Aherdofmims · 07/01/2015 13:13

"You have a ring you like.
You are now engaged to the man you want.
You have a young baby to cherish.
What's not to like? grin

ENJOY it.x"

^
This.

Really stop faffing about the ring and concentrate on what matters.

I got a wedding band as an engagement ring! We were both really skint at the time but it was also a mistake. Didn't worry about it then but now have other lovely rings/jewellery.

If you are with the man you love it shouldn't matter.

Remember that when you marry someone you are usually agreeing to share their finances so it is not really a good move to get them to spend as much as possible on a piece of jewellery.

Googoodolly - the concept of half eternity is doing my head in!

diddl · 07/01/2015 13:21

my engagement ring is the ring that i chose & love & wear with my wedding ring.

It may not have been in the engagement ring section!

GreyjoysAnatomy · 07/01/2015 13:58

My engagement ring is a sapphire/silver type job that my nan would have been proud of

I never wear it, but do wear my my wedding ring all the time.

If you like it, what does it matter if its a typical solitaire thingy, I'd much rather have one that I loved than one that is considered traditional.

SeasonsEatings · 07/01/2015 14:12

I think you can't really ask for another ring as an engagement ring but how about a Bling/Diamond wedding ring?

I have a large solitaire engagement ring (a bargain bought in New York during their financial crisis for $1200 but worth 3800) and small/slim fingers, I realised that I wouldn't have enough finger space for a wedding band and eternity ring so I got a diamond ring as a wedding ring, its beautiful and could be used as an eternity or engagement ring.

There is nothing stopping you from having a diamond stone/stones for a wedding ring and you have time to look for another bargain. The symbolic part of a weddinf ring is the band, a dimond on it is fine.

Congratulations, enjoy your lovely ring.

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