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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think two kids are easier than one?

78 replies

tapenade70 · 06/01/2015 14:49

Dont they entertain one another? When i have DSDs age 6 and 7 with my baby they keep him entertained it is way easier. When we are on our own (he is 9 mths) it is much harder. Was thinking another one will make things easier? I know this is contrary to the 2 under two nightmare that people talk about!

OP posts:

Rebecca2014 · 06/01/2015 19:00

I have one and I do wish my daughter had an sibling to play with so she wouldn't bother me all the time! Also when we go soft play, kids just want play with their siblings so when she tries join in, they glare at her :(

But I do know it be harder in other ways soooo

Shitshit · 06/01/2015 19:01

I've always said that two was easier than one.

However, three is MUCH harder than two!

my2centsis · 06/01/2015 19:02

In the long term yes, I found a toddler and a new born very difficult but everyone is different! But I must add with them entertaining each other half of the time its CONSTANT fighting

ProfYaffle · 06/01/2015 19:07

Baby plus a toddler was the hardest thing I've ever done. When I had one dd I thought it was hard work but when I had dd2 I couldn't believe how easy one baby was!

They're 7 and 10 now and yes they do very often play nicely and entertain each other but very often they don't. The 'grunt work' of the house definitely doubles, the washing, cooking, tidying, nursing through illness, school taxi, school admin, play dates etc etc

Fabulous46 · 06/01/2015 19:12

I had four under 5. The first two were hard work, after the third it got easier, by the fourth I just got on with it. Once the youngest reached 3 things were SO much easier. The worst part was the teenage years. It makes me shudder to think of those 8 long, tedious, horrible years.

confused79 · 06/01/2015 19:13

To begin with it was a nightmare! I had a 2.5 year old when my daughter was born and son wasn't remotely interested, still demanding as ever and still having temper tantrums. However, 18 months later and yes a whole lot easier! They entertain each other and not clinging to me every 5 minutes. The workload, such as dinner, Bath time etc... Is obviously doubled but it counteracts itself when the kiddies go off and play giving yourself a few mins to relax.

Ratracerunner · 06/01/2015 19:34

I have 2 DS at 5 and 6 years and they get on very well in the main and entertain each other. Whilst other parents say they have to pay a fortune for external activities their kids keep asking for, mine are happy to just play with each other and are not yet pestering for beavers or play dates etc

On the down side, they do whip each other up into a frenzy and bed time is never straightforward - they share a room and cannot just be left. I have to sit in the room until one falls asleep which is usually about 15 minutes.

On the whole, though, I think two suits us very well as a family and we are fortunate they get on so well.

Notso · 06/01/2015 19:41

I have 4 aged 14, 10, 4 and 2. Entertaining each other is rare.
14 year old adores the 2 yo but has loads of conflict with the other two.
10 year old likes his own space and gets a bit overwhelmed by being one of four.
4 year old idolises 10 year old but wants to do 'rough' play which always seems to descend in tears or the 10 year old wants to be alone.
2 year old loves them all, but constantly falls out with 4 yo, and annoys 10 and 14 yo.

I found the first two a walk in the park. They didn't play together much but were both easy children. The 4 year gap meant DD was in school all day so I mostly had the baby on my own.
Two to three was ok. DC3 has been difficult from day one though, he seems to have been born angry.
Three to four was no bother in the early days, DC4 was a dream baby. Slept well, just lay in his Moses basket happily when awake. Other stuff was harder with four though, getting in the car for one thing.
From DC4 being about 18 months things have just got harder and harder. Some days it seems like someone is upset from 5:30 (when DC3 wakes up until 10:30 when DC1 goes to bed)

Bulbasaur · 06/01/2015 19:51

Yeah, one is quite enough for me thank you! I have a hard time keeping an eye on one. She's already eaten far too much crap off the floor that I didn't know was there.

Two kids sounds like my idea of a personal hell.

But.. Some people do enjoy it. I know I personally would not.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/01/2015 19:52

bulbasaur - it's so difficult isn't it. Sometimes I think I would love another but then I read threads on MN about the horrors of having more than one and it scares the hell out of me!!!

TotallySociallyInep · 06/01/2015 20:29

Arrhh but writerwannabe it's Like before you have children and people tells you scare story's about parenthood. The OP just asked if 2 is easier 1. In summery I'd say early days are rough. But long term it's nice they do have each other, and as much as my two drive me up the wall with the bickering and falling out I wouldn't change it for the world.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 06/01/2015 20:37

I love having two, 22 months apart, same sex. They do have periods of not getting on so well, but in the main they are companions for each other and keep each other entertained, when we go out they run off together and play, or chat or play computer games together. It is not all idyllic and there is the odd bit of conflict too, but in general it's great.

I think it depends on the children, the size of the gap (3/4 year gaps often mean the children are at completely different stages) and also perhaps gender.

When I go out with my friends with only one child I find it quite tiring, perhaps up to the age of 10 as they need their parent to play with them/pay them attention, that's the only source of fun. I'm not that 'fun' a parent and don't enjoy playing all the time, so perhaps that's why I like two who can play with each other.

BubbleGirl01 · 06/01/2015 20:43

Well it took me over 2 years to conceive No 2 (from when DC1 was 1) and that pregnancy resulted in a stillbirth. 10 months later I had twins very unexpectedly and no, it was not easier as they had a same age playmate, I was run ragged, sleep deprived and a nervous wreck and constantly refereeing to make sure they did not kill each other!

As much as I love and would die for all 4 of my DC (DC4 came along much later) they drive me batty and I have lost myself completely. At really bad times if I allow myself to think what my life would be like if we had stopped at 1, well I know it be a damn sight easier and I would be richer and much less stressed. One the rare occasion that the older 3 (now teens) are having a good laugh together instead of name calling and fighting, I am literally struck dumb .

Writerwannabe83 · 06/01/2015 20:44

There are only 12 months between me and my sister and we are sooo close because of it. Our whole childhood and teenage years were shared and they were just amazing so part of me wants to have two children who can emulate that - however, I know there's no guarantee that siblings will get on.

Prior to having DS I always thought that if I was going to have two children then I would have them really close together but now I know the reality if having a child, the thought of having a baby and a toddler at the same time just fills me with dread!!

My DH only wants one child so it's a bit pointless in me thinking about it anyway.

CrapBag · 06/01/2015 20:45

Sorry I am going to add to the haha haha.

Mine are 3 and 6 and the constant refereeing gets on my wick.

Individually they are unbelievably easy.

IdaClair · 06/01/2015 21:02

There is a lot of assumption though that having two means having a baby and a toddler. And it doesn't!

The question is not 'is having a toddler and a a baby easier than just having a baby?'

SmethwickBelle · 06/01/2015 21:07

In the early days (in my experience) two children = twice the work and half the sleep. As they've got older they definitely do entertain each other 70% of the time. And squabble the other 30% of the time. They're 7 and 5.

alseb · 06/01/2015 21:11

Two is exhausting and it is so much easier having one child. I have friends with one child and they seem to have a lot more free time! Yes my two fight, bicker but sometimes they do seem to get on! Entertaining each other may be pushing it though! However, I am glad I have two, perhaps the teenage years will be easier.....

Pengyquin · 06/01/2015 21:14

I'm in the 'got a baby and toddler' camp (baby is now 8months and toddler just turned 2, so small age gap)...and it is most definitely not easier than one.

But, take the point, it's about generally speaking. Hmm. I'm sure when they're older there will hopefully be some entertaining between the pair of them!

At the minute, no, it is most definitely not easier. You try taking a just 2 year old to gymnastics class (whilst she is also potty training), supervising whilst they're not on the beam/bar etc and deal with the crawling 8 month old at the same time. Who then needs milk. The last 8 months have frankly been a blur! The trying to get both of them back to the car, whilst 2 yr old is having a tantrum and going all floppy. I once took toddler on her own whilst a kind friend looking after the baby. Dear god, was it easy.

The days I just have the baby are..omg..bliss. Easy peasy. Ridiculously easy. Beyond easy.

I'll lend you my 2 yr old. I'm sure after just half a day you'll change your mind!

MuscatBouschet · 06/01/2015 21:20

I've found it bliss with a 3.5 year gap. DC1 entertains the baby (now 10 months old). And she adores him. A 3.5 year old is very different from a needy toddler though. She understands we always have to look after the baby.

A sling helps in the early days...

madwomanacrosstheroad · 06/01/2015 21:20

Difficult to say. Each child is different. I have five with 17 years between the first and the last. DS1 was an only child for 6 years. DS2 and DD1 are eighteen months apart and while I honestly do not remember the first year, they have been very close since. Still are now at 14 and 15. There is 5 years between DD1 and DD2 and then 4 years to DD3. So with the two youngest ones there was an element of purposeful help built in and that made it much easier. Also whoever had been the baby previously was old enough to play with or hold hand of new baby while I made food or had a cup of coffee. Baby and toddler is very hard at the beginning but much easier after a while.

dancingwitch · 06/01/2015 22:38

I have a 2.5yr gap and they are now 5 and 2.5. Being pregnant and dealing with the terrible 2s or helping DC1 on the climbing frame was tough; having a toddler and a newborn was hell; having a pre-schooler and a baby had a few moments of calm; having a pre-schooler and a toddler was tough; having a school age child and a toddler is also tough.
They are just at such different stages developmentally. DC1 wants to be in the big a playground, DC2 wants to be in the little one; DC1 wants to play board games, DC2 tries to join in and destroys the whole thing.
There are so many times which I wish I could split myself in two and do entirely different activities with them and keep them both happy rather than just compromise on everything.

FrancesNiadova · 06/01/2015 22:52

Don't tell my Mum...I'm a twin!
(My big brother is 20 months older than me & my twin )

hmc · 06/01/2015 23:00

There is a 21 month age gap between mine. All was good until the younger dc developed a personality and opinions of his own (prior to that he was dd's adoring, unquestioning acolyte) - from the first time he challenged his sisters opinion it all went down hill. I now spend an unfeasible amount of time separating them and resolving conflict

Greenrememberedhills · 06/01/2015 23:03

I have 5.

I think that it is harder to have 2 initially, but way way easier in the long term.

My eldest is effectively an "only" as he was much older, and it wasn't easier, looking back.

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