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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be worried that this is the end of sex?

35 replies

partypigeon · 06/01/2015 12:55

4 months post-birth and I'm just not the slightest bit interested. I look at do and think he's nice in an objective way but have absolutely no desire to jump him. I feel all "touched out" (am ebf) and sex just feels like one more demand on my exhausted battered body...

we've tried a handful of times but it's just felt mildly uncomfortable, it's as if I've lost all sensation. I had a few stitches which seem to have healed ok but nothing feels like it used to. Is this just how it is? What's a typical amount of time to feel sexy again? I'd be really grateful to hear some of your experiences.

OP posts:

FlowerFairy2014 · 06/01/2015 20:11

Usually the G will expect you might have tried before the 6 week check so he can ask then if sex is okay. We tried to make sure we'd had sex by then (I was back at work when the babies were 2 weeks and expressing milk when away from them).

I think it's worth making yourself have sex even if you don't quite feel up to it as then it can just come back. Trying to get enough sleep, time without the babies (for me work) all help, dressing up to go to work, high heels etc do help. I wonder if long maternity leaves in the Uk which women seem to take now which they did not used to mean longer before you feel like sex and in addition to financial damage to child and family also less sex for husbands? Short maternity leave might mean feel sexier, more money and win win all round.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/01/2015 20:25

Women should take less maternity leave so we can get our sex drives back to please our husbands??

My babies needs FAR outweigh my DS's sexual needs

leedy · 06/01/2015 21:41

"Usually the GP will expect you might have tried before the 6 week check so he can ask then if sex is okay."

Er, no. (and my GP certainly didn't ask, though he did ask if I had thought about contraception going forward and got a HOLLOW LAUGH) At six weeks I still felt like I'd been run over by a bus both times, the idea of forcing myself to "do it" so I could tell the doctor about the state of my vadge is frankly hilarious/horrible.

Also boggling at the "women should take less maternity leave to provide more sex for husbands == WIN!". I'm damn glad I took nearly a year both times round (even managed to - gasp - have sex while still on mat leave). Also not sure why going back to work (which in my case made me feel even more knackered for a while) is supposed to turn you into a ravening sex beast ready to Satisfy My Man, especially as I work in tech and so my work clothes are if anything possibly less glam than my day off attire. And my finances are perfectly fine, thanks.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 07/01/2015 07:51

Short maternity leave = win win all round?! Funnily enough I think my long maternity leave was beneficial to my daughter who got chance to bond with her mother. Understand it's not the same for everyone but I don't know how it can be considered 'win win all round'.

lauralouise8 · 07/01/2015 09:09

I agree with FlowerFairy about it being worth giving it a go. I had DD 4 weeks ago and I did initiate our first 'session' (a princely 5 minutes!!) this week. It was a bit sore and not the best ever, but I wanted to get back into it so that we don't get out of the habit. A friend of mine hasn't had sex since her DD was born 18 months ago and her marriage is suffering as a result. Clearly, if OP really doesn't want to have sex and is in pain, she shouldn't force herself, but sometimes it is the idea that is daunting rather than the reality.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 07/01/2015 09:16

I didn't feel in the mood all the time I was breastfeeding (which was for 2.5 years!) not sure if that's a hormonal thing, but it seemed to be the case for me.

My sex drive came back gradually as I started to feed less, then hit me like a lorry once I'd stopped.

Writerwannabe83 · 07/01/2015 09:18

That gives me hope ostentatious. I still BF four times a day so hopefully as I reduce this my libido will return.

chasingtherainbow · 07/01/2015 09:25

It took me two years

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/01/2015 09:30

DH and I didn't have sex for over a year after DS2 was born - breastfeeding completely kills my sex drive.

The fact that he never once made me feel bad for that, never pressured me, was always kind and understanding and gave me physical comfort - kisses, cuddles etc without me worrying that he would take it as a green light to try and initiate sex, is something that I will always, always be grateful for. It is a huge pillar in the marriage we have built, and 3 years on we have a great sex life again - in no small part down to the lack of resentment we bear each other for that time.

FlowerFairy how you can be such an advocate for women being independent, and at the same time so medieval in your ideas about marriage is quite astounding. If you are the poster I think you are, your marriage hasn't lasted, has it? Not so much of a 'win win'?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/01/2015 09:32

Writer really don't panic, I thought my sex drive as I used to know it had gone forever - over the course of two children I was either pregnant and/or breastfeeding for 6 years. It is now almost a year since DS2 stopped feeding altogether (he was just shy of his 3rd birthday when he had his last feed), and I'm like a horny teenager again. :)

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