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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be confused as to why people make this stuff up?

98 replies

TheEagle · 06/01/2015 12:02

So I've followed a few threads in the premature birth section and both have been zapped for the OPs being "not what they seem"/"less than genuine".

Why do people manufacture such elaborate lies?

Does it get easier to pick out trolls as you read more threads? Confused

OP posts:
ILovePud · 06/01/2015 16:18

I really struggle to understand the psychology of people who do this. However I think I'd always give someone the benefit of the doubt, I was on a thread the other day in which someone was reporting child protection concerns and people were mocking and deriding her concerns. Many of them said that they felt her story didn't add up and that basically she was trolling. It left me feeling really uncomfortable because I felt that if she was genuine she must have felt victimised and that it may put off someone from posting about or reporting similar concerns.

I hope those of you on this thread who feel like they've been taken in by trolls or emotional vampires know that the advice or support that they have given on those threads may well have helped someone else, maybe someone who was lurking but not yet ready to post.

Number3cometome · 06/01/2015 16:22

ILovePud was this the OP seeing a guy taking pictures in a soft play place?

I read this and thought she got a bit of a raw deal to be honest.

ILovePud · 06/01/2015 16:31

Yes that was the one Number3cometome, it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Number3cometome · 06/01/2015 16:36

Me too!! I felt that she was being a decent person for questioning it.

Just because the man had a child with him, didn't mean he couldn't possibly be a paedo. And we wonder why people don't report stuff!

Poor woman. Not like she actually went up and accused him! She just asked for advice and was ridiculed.

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 06/01/2015 16:57

WannaBe I think I know which thread you're talking about regarding the suicide thing. If you don't mind me asking, what's made you doubt it?

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 06/01/2015 17:03

lyspaere I've always wondered that myself. I guess in some cases it's obvious, e.g returning posters with the same ip address, same name used in the e-mail address used to register, etc.

But what would happen if it was a brand new member who had just registered to post? So there was no evidence of them being a member before so not a PBP, what would MNHQ do then if the thread was reported? Because in that case it may well be someone genuine who has just joined to ask for help (as I did) or it may well be someone who is trolling here for the first time. That kind of thing could go either way.

WannaBe · 07/01/2015 09:13

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen for me a massive red flag is when someone comes on to mn says "I am xx partner/sister/best friend and would like you all to know that xxx committed suicide and she would have wanted you to know." I just don't believe that if a loved one committed suicide you would go on to their computer and happen upon their online mn account and would go on there to post the news to a world full of online strangers about whom you know nothing. I just don't.

I was a moderator on an online forum for three years and we had a troll who had numerous personas, all of whom committed suicide, and who ultimately were traced back to one individual. And other suicides have been reported here have been found to be trolls, even long-standing posters, there was hills, for instance etc. And of course the best way to avoid being outed as a troll would be to request all your posts be deleted before anyone could raise suspicion.

There are numerous ways to spot trolls if you're an admin/moderator, but of course there aren't always guarantees and it's highly likely that more trolls go undetected than detected.

SouthernComforts · 07/01/2015 09:27

This is why I don't post about things that are close to home. My dd was 12 weeks prem so I could possibly offer my experiences/advice but I don't, because it would hurt if it turned out to be bullshit.

I did however give dds prem clothes to another MNetter who wasn't sure where to buy them from. I met her at the hospital so I know she was genuine and lovely Smile

Now I have a few more years experience on MN I doubt I would do the same today, which is sad.

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 07/01/2015 10:12

WannaBe I have to admit that if someone I knew died who I also knew happened to post here, I'm not quite sure I would come online to inform people of why their online persona wouldn't be back.

You're right of course about people faking their deaths online. It's happened before several times on another forum I used to frequent, only for people to find out later it was all a lie.

NakedFamilyFightClub · 07/01/2015 10:29

It must be hard for mumsnet to judge what to delete and what not to. I read the waters breaking thread with a bit of a cynical eye, but I imagine proving troll is tricky.

There's another frequent poster in AIBU whose posts make me go Hmm and they have a thread at the minute with people offering money. I've reported it, because altogether it just seems too implausible to be true, but I guess some people do have shit lives...

PenguindreamsofDraco · 07/01/2015 10:58

I also queried the prem poster (now deleted) - after offering support and personal experience - when it all just became a bit too soap opera for me. But she (I assume she) had been around for ages and I liked her, I couldn't quite believe that I couldn't believe her any longer.

But then I started realising that she'd been posting on increasingly emotive/shocking topics - prems, very sick children, adoption, as well as snippets of BDSM (which is still shocking to some), and was building up to abortion and bereavement, and then I felt truly suckered. It was like a drip feed of how to hit the pressure points.

I do believe there were bits of real life in her stories. But I hope not too many, or she truly was an astonishingly selfish and deluded individual.

MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 07/01/2015 10:58

Good morning all and a happy new year to you

Just to clear things up.

Our policy on trolls is very much to give the benefit of the doubt as we would HATE for someone genuinely in need not to be heard. That said.

When people report something to us that they think may not be genuine (e.g. a fabricated premature baby or indeed the fake suicides ) then we take a look behind the scenes and there are various ways in which we discover if someone is trolling or not. We tend not to post how we know this as it becomes a "how to troll" guide and besides

When people report something to us that they're concerned is inaccurate (e.g. latest gov policy/health advice on x or y is abc) we don't necessarily delete this, but we encourage people to post their thoughts on the thread so that the wisdom of crowds can win through.

Hope this clears things up - but the long and the short of it - if you see ANYTHING that makes you unhappy, uncomfortable, worried for the poster or the poster's family or the other people posting on the thread as you're concerned the OP may not be genuine, please please please REPORT it to us.

It takes just seconds and helps us stop the trolls who "spoil" things for the rest of us.

Thanks so much
MNHQ

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 07/01/2015 10:59

It must be hard for mumsnet to judge what to delete and what not to.

I've always wondered how they reach this decision, but I know they'll never tell us. I guess in some cases in must be obvious and easy, others won't be.

There are some things that really make me think "how would you know whether that was genuine or not?" For instance (and I hope no one minds too much me dragging up old threads), the thread where the OP was looking for help after being raped that was later deleted for not being genuine. I mean, how would you even know whether a thread like that was genuine or not...it's already hard enough on that subject in real life never mind online.

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 07/01/2015 11:01

And yes I have been raped before. And yes I was later called a liar (not here, in real life) and trust me, it hurt.

WannaBe · 07/01/2015 11:15

well while there may not necessarily be a way to prove or otherwise that the story is fake sometimes it's possible to show that the poster is iyswim.

There was a poster on the bereavement boards a few years ago who was posting about her daughter who had died. She was a particularly unpleasant individual as it is, but she apparently had been posting as a particularly nasty troll before the bereavement. Nasty enough that mn hq confirmed which troll she had been, which is something which is particularly unusual for them.

now, the death of the child was real because someone linked to a newspaper clipping about it, but it will never be known whether the poster was really the bereaved mum or whether she had highjacked the story for her own means. She had a particularly nasty blog in which she was very scathing about mn etc.

But mn banned her and deleted all her posts. I suspect she was the latter in that she highjacked a genuinely bereaved parent's story as her own, some believe that she had trolled here before and then saught support on mn when her dd died, but given the response she'd had here previously I doubt that. But we'll never know. What we do know is that she as an individual wasn't genuine when she started her time here on mn and as such was banned.

Number3cometome · 07/01/2015 11:21

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen so sorry Flowers

I guess no one can really be sure unless like with the prem baby story the medical advice was too conflicted.

I am sorry that you were called a liar, there really are some nasty people about x

DixieNormas · 07/01/2015 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minipie · 07/01/2015 12:03

Dixie the other one was called "Second time round: scared to see my baby" and was by a lady who already had (or said she had) multiple older DC.

I did slightly suspect that one, simply from the amount of time she seemed to have available to spend on MN! Never had any suspicions about the 18 week PPROM one (I posted on it too, DD was PPROM but much later at 34 weeks).

DixieNormas · 07/01/2015 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TallGiraffes · 07/01/2015 13:44

I was totally taken in by the prem one. Flowers to those posters who spent so much time providing support.

myfallingstar · 07/01/2015 13:52

I saw one were the lady claimed her friend was masturbating wile bf her new born on New Year's Eve

I was like Hmm

I think it's very very sad

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 07/01/2015 14:46

my falling star

Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

Number3cometome · 07/01/2015 15:03

WTF

redexpat · 07/01/2015 15:08

myfallingstar that is the only troll I have spotted!

I've posted a few times and it turns out to have been a troll. It really annoys me because I hate being lied to.

Annbag · 07/01/2015 17:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.