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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DP could be slightly more upset

56 replies

mummyrunnerbean · 05/01/2015 20:31

He's somehow lost DS's sling. The sling that gets used multiple times every day, and is just about the best thing (and one of very few non-second-hand items) we've bought for DS. The sling that is in fact the only fucking way to get him to have a nap during the day.

I think he put DS in the car, put the sling on top of the car, and drove off .

We can't afford to replace it, and all he keeps saying when I suggest a new place to look is 'Let it go. It doesn't matter.' I'm just ranting here because I don't want to rant at him as it was a stupid careless idiotic mistake but AIBU to think he could act like he cares A LITTLE BIT.

Disclaimer: I don't actually care if IABU because I haven't had a decent night's sleep for six months, I've got the tail-end of gastroenteritis and IT WAS LOVELY AND HAD ROCKETS ON IT AND I ACTUALLY CHOSE IT INSTEAD OF GETTING IT IN A STUPID SECOND-HAND BUNDLE.

OP posts:

HouseAtreides · 05/01/2015 21:05

YADNBU. He wants you to let it drop so he doesn't have to be made to feel bad. Make your feeings very clear!

WaitingForMe · 05/01/2015 21:08

I'd be more angry at his attitude than the fact he lost it. YANBU.

Eminado · 05/01/2015 21:09

If you skype me i can teach you how to put baby on your back african style until he bloody well replaces it

Singsongmama · 05/01/2015 21:10

YANBU - you should make him carry the baby around until the baby has fallen asleep and napped in his arms....no sitting down, no standing still....lead arms will be suitable retribution!!

WombRaider · 05/01/2015 21:12

Yanbu, I would be so annoyed!

flanjabelle · 05/01/2015 21:15

I have a plain black ring sling if that would help? Sorry I know its not the same but I have been there and know how important these things are. You are not being u in anyway.

seastargirl · 05/01/2015 21:33

Definitely not unreasonable. I nearly cried when my husband took it to work in his car one day.

Do you have a sling library nearby you could borrow one from?

WaitingForMe · 05/01/2015 22:45

I did cry when DH once took the buggy to work. DS would not stop crying and I knew he'd fall asleep if I took him for a walk. I was tempted to destroy his computer and guitars because I wanted him to feel some of my pain.

2rebecca · 05/01/2015 23:33

If it's lost it's lost. I don't see the point in getting upset about it, it doesn't bring it back.
Some people like to witter on and on when they lose something/ have something stolen. Others don't. I'm in the don't camp.
If I break/ lose something/ have it stolen or someone close to me does I'm upset briefly but then move on to sorting things out.
I can't stand people who want to talk about nothing else all day.
What do you want, blood? He's said he's sorry, unless you believe he deliberately threw it away I'd let it go and move on.
Saying it doesn't matter doesn't help though, he should have reported it missing at the local police station and arranged to buy an adequate replacement. I wouldn't want him to get upset, I'd want him to sort it out.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 05/01/2015 23:39

I hope it gets found.

Nice of mumsnetters to offer a replacement

Inertia · 05/01/2015 23:42

It does matter, he just doesn't want to make it his problem.

Agree with PP, he needs to agree on something which can be sold or cut back to enable the purchase of a replacement sling- it's an essential item for you.

maras2 · 05/01/2015 23:50

How much do these sling thingies cost? When my kids were babies,I swaddled them in the nearest sheet/blanket/whatever and tied the surplus around my neck.Then I just got on with whatever the day threw at me.Sometimes it worked,sometimes it didn't but no money was spent.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 06/01/2015 00:04

Well, you're very lucky 2rebecca that your reaction would be so calm.

However, OP is not you and she's pissed off about the loss of her sling.
Do you think your post has been helpful?

Luckily there have been some wonderful, supportive responses, and even offers of replacement, which is fabulous.

OP I suggest you take up one of the offers here, and accidentally lose something of your DH's that 'won't matter'

AnneofCheese · 06/01/2015 06:07

Ha, oh 2rebecca how ironic is your post. Other mumsnetters are all offering solutions while you harangue the op for not reacting the exact way you would (which, judging by your over the top response to her, I don't actually believe)

Original poster

mummyrunnerbean · 06/01/2015 08:43

Thanks to everyone for being so kind, I did have a trawl of local sling sites last night looking for it. I also explained to DP why I was upset and he ceased to be a nob and promised something would be done.
Part of the problem was I've got awful back problems and it's the only type of sling I've found myself able to wear for reasonable amounts of time (it's a connecta).

Then this morning I found the sling . It was tangled up inside a barely worn jumper of his in the laundry basket where he said he'd looked.

I am so incredibly relieved, and slightly mortified for ranting on here when it's been there all the time!

for all the very helpful suggestions!

OP posts:

diddl · 06/01/2015 08:50

Thank goodness for that!

And at it being found in a place that he had "looked".

Did he just peer in the top as opposed to taking anything out??!!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 06/01/2015 08:52

At least you have found it. Shame he is clearly so incapable of looking properly fucker

annielouisa · 06/01/2015 08:54

Glad its been found and haven't we all at some time been affected by the joys of a "mans look"!!

middlings · 06/01/2015 08:57

I was so cross for you and then I (thank goodness I actually RTFT rather than just responding to your OP).

Muppet needs to learn to look properly though.

Back in the day my mother was always "losing" her diary. She used to get irrationally angry very quickly and on more than one occasion offered a fiver to the person who could find it (a bloody fortune). There was always a mad dash to find her snakepit of a handbag as invariably, it was in it. I earned quite a lot of money that way. Until DB learned how to take me down en route.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 06/01/2015 09:05

ah. Looked.

Also known as stood in a doorway for 5 seconds and the item did not fly across the room and smack me in the face, therefore it was not there.

Original poster

mummyrunnerbean · 06/01/2015 09:34

Haha Middlings my mother does that with her diary. And her car keys. And her cigarettes... It's never that she's lost them though - 'someone's moved them!' And they are invariably in her handbag.

And yes I think there should be an alternative word for man-looking. Like not looking. At all.

I don't know why I didn't look myself in the laundry basket though. It's like a black hole- everything ends up there. Including his work phone which I rescue at least once a fortnight despite the laundry being his job .

Still I have my lovely sling back (complete with a currently napping DS) so all is well!

OP posts:

FreakinScaryCaaw · 06/01/2015 09:45

Glad you found it.

I lost my car keys this morning and had to get my elderly neighbour to take dss and another neighbour's ds to school and college Found them under a study file.

diddl · 06/01/2015 10:25

"I don't know why I didn't look myself in the laundry basket though."

i wonder if some men are crap at looking, or only look thoroughly when it's something of theirs?

My response to "where is..." is "i have no idea"

Icimoi · 06/01/2015 10:31

IME, most men are crap at looking. When I tell DH something is in a particular cupboard or the fridge, he always opens the door, looks helplessly at the stuff at the front of the shelf and tells me it's not there. The concept of moving things so that he can check the stuff that is further back is totally foreign to him.

My theory: it's deliberate helplessness so that we'll decide it's simpler to get whatever it is ourselves. I've stopped playing, I ask him whether he's looked properly every time, and I get a lot of martyred sighing.

TeddyBee · 06/01/2015 10:34

Ah yes, the sling did not do a little song and dance routine, shrieking "here I am, here I am" with flashing lights and a chorus of gogo dancers. Therefore, it was not there. My husband is teaching the 'man look' to our children now. I may kill him soon.

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