To lie and pretend that I love gifts?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Just wondering what the stance is on gifts that you don't like. Is it better to pretend or is honesty best?

Every year for as long as I can remember I bought dsis an Xmas gift and she's told me that she doesn't like it. I always ask her what she would like or to make a list and ill choose from it. She won't do this as she says that it should be a surprise. She doesn't like receiving money or vouchers as she think that they're thoughtless and lack effort. I try to buy fairly neutral things such as pyjamas in a style and material I've seen her wear. But she'll say that she doesn't like the pattern. Nice branded gift sets, she likes trying different ones but she'll say she didn't like the smell. Tickets to go somewhere let's say cinema, she'll say there's nothing on she wants to see. It's got to a point where I feel quite hurt, but perhaps it's better to be honest.

I get wine every year and I don't drink it, neither does dp, but we don't say anything.

A very elderly relative gave me something recently that was nice, but needed to be refrigerated but he hasn't told me. I decided it was best to just not say anything due to the persons age and not wanting them to know that their thoughtful gift had gone to waste. Dsis was adamant that I should tell relative.

I'd be totally honest with her. I'd tell her she's rude, obnoxious and ungrateful.

Squoosh I was tempted, I asked her if there was anything she'd like she said it's nice to have a surprise. Something truly hideous was tempting!

I think what it is is that she builds Xmas up as a fairytale and the reality is perhaps a bit of an anti climax. I'm not the only one who's gifts she dislikes.

Most people ask me what I want and I give a few cheap, easy to find suggestions. I think everyone ends up with a few things they don't like. We've had a fair few cheapy toys that haven't worked properly.

I should probably do that Zammo but for some reason I can't. I don't know why but for some reason I seem to have a bit of an "issue" around presents. I could never ask anyone for a receipt or anything like that. I don't know what my problem is really but it's rubbing off on my kids too. Ds1 received a book from my sister that he already has, I said no worries we will exchange it in Tesco for another one and then he started getting worried about hurting my Sisters feelings and started telling his brother that he must not tell his Aunt that he already had the book in case she was sad etc. I think we are odd.

I think there's a time for honestly. In the case of receiving something you already have, or something that didn't fit. I'd rather be told and exchange it for the person.

In the case of elderly relative who may not even be around next Xmas, I'd rather lie. In dsis case of never liking the gift year in year out, she should give suggestions when asked or be happy with money/vouchers.

I don't think you are "odd" at all! I think that good manners, gratitude and concern for the feelings of others is admirable and it's good that you've instilled that in your DS. Your sister sounds quite rude to be honest. As pp have said I would give her vouchers from now on and if she complains (which would also be bloody rude) then explain that you want her to get something she actually likes and that this never happens when you choose the gift yourself.