Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not sending another cheque

27 replies

randycheeseburger · 05/01/2015 11:48

My dad gave cheques for Christmas, hes not well so can't go out shopping and doesn't do internet banking etc. He has 4 grandchildren 2 live away and are 15 and 13 and are my half brothers children, I have 2 sons we live about an hour away.

My dad sent theirs before Christmas and my brother sent a text saying "got cards" and that was it no thank you and the value was £150 each, so he was a bit put out by this but didn't really let it get to him.

My brother has text this morning saying "could you please send (name) another cheque please she went out on New years eve and lost her bag and cheque was in it" (shes 15)

Now dad will probably send another because he wont want her feeling left out or whatever but I said well tbh if it was me I wouldn't bother because she had loads of time to bank it anyway and if not you put it in a drawer or cupboard (I do anyway) for safe keeping. I paid my sons in between Christmas and New year she had hers about 2 weeks before Christmas.

Do you think I'm being unfair? just want to know what others think but she seems ungrateful to me.

OP posts:
catslife · 05/01/2015 12:13

I have a 15 year old girl and yes some of them are scatty and would do this sort of thing.
Having said that, I would cancel the original cheque and then deduct any charge the bank makes from the total amount. That may help her to be more careful in the future. If the original cheque has been cashed (even if it's by someone else), I wouldn't replace it though.
HTH

Mumblechum1 · 05/01/2015 12:17

DS did this, lost a cheque from his granddad. I suggested that he get in touch to say sorry, could another one be sent out but he didn't think it was appropriate.

Why can't the girl herself text, say thanks for the initial cheque, apologise that it's been lost, and ask if he can kindly send a replacement? Her dad shouldn't be doing it for her.

Mumblechum1 · 05/01/2015 12:17

She isn't learning manners from her parents, that's for sure!

Original poster
randycheeseburger · 05/01/2015 12:27

Why can't the girl herself text, say thanks for the initial cheque, apologise that it's been lost, and ask if he can kindly send a replacement? Her dad shouldn't be doing it for her.

I agree I think at 15 she is old enough to get in touch herself.
If i had been sent that amount of money at her age I would be a bit more grateful.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 05/01/2015 12:30

It has nothing to do with you.

Your opinion may be that she shouldn't get another cheque and that they are rude, but I don't think your point about how long she had to pay it in and how quickly you banked yours is at all relevant. At 15, her time will be largely directed by her family (as will her thoughts on saying thank you properly) and she may not have gotten round to it. Not paying a cheque in immediately doesn't mean she's not grateful. Not saying thank you is rude, but it's still nothing to do with you.

Original poster
randycheeseburger · 05/01/2015 12:34

Well it does have something to do with me because its my dad and I don't want him to be taken advantage of.

I don't think your point about how long she had to pay it in and how quickly you banked yours is at all relevant.

I was just making a point that she had it 2 weeks longer than I did so she had lots of time. I had to make a half hour trip into town to do it she wouldn't have.

OP posts:
Siarie · 05/01/2015 12:34

I think you are being unfair, lots of people keep cheques in their bags or purse/wallet until they can get to a bank. It isn't easy banking when they have limited opening hours I'm some areas.

It happens, she could have asked herself which would have been more polite but I don't think that justifies not sending another.

Original poster
randycheeseburger · 05/01/2015 12:36

Well it does have something to do with me because its my dad and I don't want him to be taken advantage of.

I don't think your point about how long she had to pay it in and how quickly you banked yours is at all relevant

I was just making a point that she had it 2 weeks longer than I did so she had lots of time. I had to make a half hour trip into town to do it she wouldn't have.

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 05/01/2015 12:40

I would do as cats said and deduct the cost of cancelling the old cheque from any new payment. It's usually around £20-25, so she won't be doing it again in a hurry.

Rather sad though that it didn't occur to her parents to suggest she called her Grandfather to say thank you in the first place, or that perhaps her wallet wasn't an ideal place to keep a cheque for £150. It's the parents' place to do that, and unfortunately you can't instil good manners for life in one short, sharp lesson.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 05/01/2015 12:43

He's quick enough to ask for another cheque yet not to say thank you?

ChocLover2015 · 05/01/2015 12:44

YABU That's the point of sending cheques rather than cash.

WooWooOwl · 05/01/2015 12:44

Except she's a 15 year old child and you are an adult with a car and full control over your own time.

Unless your Dad has some form of mental illness that makes him incapable of being able to make his own decisions, it really isn't your business. He is not going to be taken advantage of by replacing the cheque, all it will do is ensure that his grandchild gets the gift he wanted her to have.

WooWooOwl · 05/01/2015 12:45

Shouldn't have said you have a car - I have no idea whether you do or not. Sorry.

Frusso · 05/01/2015 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nomama · 05/01/2015 12:50

YANBU to feel that your brother has been, and allowed his kids to be, less than grateful to your dad. A cheque that size requires some semblance of politeness.

Y are also NBU to think that a 15 year old girl should have contacted granddad herself to apologise for losing the original. I'd be irritate that she had it in her bag and was 'bovvered' enough to lose it in the first place. As her mum I would have had it banked before the holidays so she could spend it in the sales!

But YABU to get wound up by it. Let your dad have a grumble by all means. Remind him to cancel the original. But that is probably as far as your concern can reasonably be voiced out there in the real world.

On here? Go for it! Your brother sounds like an unthinking, selfish pillock!

AMumInScotland · 05/01/2015 12:53

I think you're being pretty harsh towards a 15yo - do you really think she shouldn't get her Christmas present because she made a mistake? That your father ought to keep the money instead of giving it to her as he intended?

I've often had a cheque in my handbag for as long without getting a chance to put it into the bank. These things happen.

The question of whether your brother is rude in conducting his relationship with your father by text when it's something like this is another topic - it certainly would have come across better if he had made the effort to phone to thank him, apologise, request a replacement etc. But that's for them to sort out, not for you to get marked about.

Assuming he gave similar presents to all his grandchildren, he's hardly being taken advantage of.

SquirrelSwarm · 05/01/2015 12:53

I've not been to the bank as I've been ill. I've not banked any of our Christmas cheques. It's quite easy not to be able to get to a bank for a week.

Holdthepage · 05/01/2015 12:55

The original cheque needs to be stopped & then a replacement sent. She is 15 & the cheque was a Christmas present from her grandfather, no one is taking advantage as he seems to have made the gift of his own free will.

museumum · 05/01/2015 12:58

I have only just banked my ds's christmas cheque from his grandad today. It's been xmas, banks have had funny hours and we've all been busy. Until I got to the bank today it's been in my purse, which is where I always keep cheques that need paid in.

I think that this girl should be encouraged to speak to her gdad herself at her age but really that's her dad's job to encourage that.

PastaOutFromTheXmasGin · 05/01/2015 13:03

While they had the cards before you did, that doesn't mean that they opened them before you. I leave cards until Christmas Day if I think there is any chance of money being in them. Acknowledging that they had been received would be nice to do so that your Dad knows that they didn't get lost in the post.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 05/01/2015 13:05

YABVU - we all make mistakes.

steppeinginto2015 · 05/01/2015 13:06

my kids spent last weekend writing thank you emails to their grandparents, aunts and uncles.

I think that the lack of thanks is the issue here. She should thank her granddad for her present.

Loosing the cheque is pretty much a normal teen thing to do, and as I very very rarely go anywhere near a bank, I can understand why she hasn't cashed it in, and why she is carrying it.

I would expect her to text/write to say thanks, and to apologise for loosing it. I might my tempted to send sarcastic comment to her or to DB to remind them she is being rude.

slithytove · 05/01/2015 13:06

I post all cheques we receive, do people really insist on going to banks nowadays? I find them difficult to get to.

Agree with cancelling cheque and deducting cost idea.

Also think they need a lesson in manners!

R4roger · 05/01/2015 13:06

i have to go to bank, in a minute, to bank a cheque. it is bus journey away and I dont want to.

but yes send another cheque by all means.

HedgehogsDontBite · 05/01/2015 13:08

YABU and sound quite spiteful towards your niece.