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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so hopless

40 replies

ChoochiWoo · 05/01/2015 11:47

I live a good bussride from DS 's school , on a very busy busride, i did live locally but moved, I have applied and currently waiting on a reply about a nearer school, .... I get up at 6 , leave the house about 8ish to get there, like I said the busride is very busy and the comp kids getting on can literally take about 15 mins, for some reason it takes a long time for the bus driver to get through them all. Sometimes because of reasons like this and others out of my control, I am sometimes late in the morning, like 10 ,15 minutes Sad Sad .. the school knows my situation, I used my dad for a bit but would sometimes get stuck in rushhour so even that had its downfalls as he lived a fair bit away from me, ....the school but in DS bookbag that they have sent a letter to the education welfare officer Shock ..i just feel like ending it all, it is so cruel , theres nothing more I can do .

OP posts:
HippoPottyMouth · 05/01/2015 11:52

Well you could leave 15 mins earlier? Confused
If you are up at 6, I would think there's a bit of spare there so you don't have to actually get up 15 mins earlier.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/01/2015 11:54

Earlier bus?

Original poster
ChoochiWoo · 05/01/2015 11:55

i get up at 6 to get myself ready, i dont get ds up earlier because he'd so overtired and has ASD anyway , i think most kids (5yrs) would struggle being woken up much earlier. im prepared to be told im wrong.

OP posts:
FabULouse · 05/01/2015 11:56

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FabULouse · 05/01/2015 11:58

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MulledLairyFights · 05/01/2015 12:06

"Ending it all"?

Don't be such a drama llama.

The school are following protocol, they have to. From what you're saying, the lateness is exclusively owing to public transport as you moved, so, his record shows that you are only late now you have moved. You weren't chronically late before that were you?

You never know, this may help a more local place to be found got your DS.

Accept the welfare officer as help. If you're genuinely doing your best (which it sounds like you are) then they will see that.

redskybynight · 05/01/2015 12:18

If the 8ish bus often gets in too late, is there an earlier bus you can get? Can you cycle? (not the main point, but at age 5, it was very rare for my DS to get up as LATE as 6am, so getting a 5 year old up then is not really the issue). Are you entitled to free school transport, if the ocuncil can't find you a place in a more local school?

HamperNoShow · 05/01/2015 12:24

I agree with pp, is there an earlier bus?

You sound like you are feeling pretty down ATM, is this the only thing going on?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/01/2015 12:26

I don't see why you can't get an earlier bus, it was your choice to move so surely you must have thought about how you would get him to school until a nearer place could be found?

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/01/2015 12:31

Ge on the phones and getthem to crack on with a new place, surely ot cant take forever. Can you call the local schools and ask if you can register him in the morning?

BlinkAndMiss · 05/01/2015 12:39

The Education Welfare Officer will just want to see that you are putting measures in place to help with the situation - if there are measures being taken then they are there to support you with that. I would speak to the EWO and explain that you need some support to rectify this situation, ask if there is a fund which you could access to assist with getting a taxi to school with your son (if he has ASD then this might make more options available to you). Of course, it won't pay the return journey for you to get home but it could contribute to some of the overall cost - social services might be the people to speak to, I know there used to be Independent Living Funds so there might be something similar for younger people.

I think some of the responses on here are quite harsh, sometimes when you feel down and defeated it's very hard to see the positive side and you just need a little positive encouragement to make you realise that this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Your DS needs you, I don't think hassle from the school is a good enough reason for you to take yourself away from him.

Good luck OP, I hope you are feeling better about the situation soon.

redexpat · 05/01/2015 12:46

Is cycling an option? Youd be amazed at how much simpler it can be on a bike. Obviously it depends on roads and cycle paths. But agree it siunds v stressful.

RoundYonPreMadonna · 05/01/2015 12:55

A woman on the edge, trying to do her bloody best, being handed the final straw is told she's being a drama llama. Nice.

Is there an earlier bus?

Where I live there wouldn't be (smallish town, 10 miles from bigger town. Crap transport links).

Would the earlier bus get you to school too early? (Meaning a 40 minute wait outdoors with an autistic 5 year old)

Cycling? How far away is school? (Again - autistic 5 year old)

Have a meeting with the Ed welfare people. Use them to boost your application to a local school. Is DS statemented? Get onto SENCo and start the process.

TheCowThatLaughs · 05/01/2015 12:58

I also think the responses have been harsh. Hope you're ok op. Maybe you could post in mental health or behaviour/development or education and you might get some more sympathetic advice. You must feel really demoralised. Is there a slightly earlier bus available?

monkeytroubles · 05/01/2015 13:03

I don't think you're being "dramatic" or extreme in your reaction. It sounds more like you're having a tough time of it at the moment and the letter is the straw that broke the Camel's back because it feels like school are judging you and belittling your efforts. I really don't think that's the case though. School will most likely have a policy in place where they have to inform the EWO if a student is late a certain number of times. This may be a good thing. The EWO can be a source of support and it proves that a school move is necessary for your DS as the current situation isn't working. When you meet with the EWO try to keep an open mind and be receptive to their suggestions, they are not there to judge you but to support you and your DS in accessing an education. If you can get an earlier bus as pp have suggested then that might be a good solution. If it proves unmanageable in the long run then fine but it's good to show you have given it a try. You can always being DS bedtime forward a bit if you're worried he'll be tired in the mornings.

Original poster
ChoochiWoo · 06/01/2015 23:16

Thanks for the replies , sorry for late reply, re: getting an earlier bus ...getting 3 people up washed, fed, dressed and out before 8 if i wake up at 7 , it just nit5 something ive achieved yet, re: the EWO ..if it helps my case im open to it,

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 06/01/2015 23:32

But I thought you got up at 6 not 7. If you get up at 6, get DC up at 6:30, can you not get a bus at 7:30? 8 is late to leave for any bus to school given that it's rush hour.

TheHermitCrab · 06/01/2015 23:43

Is there not an earlier bus? For work I have to get two busses, and two walks, it takes about an hour and a quarter in all on the journey and it's an arse. If I set off at a certain bus, I can probably get to work just on time if I walk fast and there are no problems. But I don't. I get the bus half an hour earlier. A lot of the time I'm at work early because of it, but sometimes the busses are late, people faff..etc and I only get to work with 5 mins to spare (Which would be late if I'd have gotten the more convenient bus)

Surely if you are regularly late, then you just set off earlier?

TheHermitCrab · 06/01/2015 23:45

getting 3 people up washed, fed, dressed and out before 8 if i wake up at 7 You said you get up at 6. :/

mytartanscarf · 06/01/2015 23:57

I am trying hard not to sound sarcastic but really.

I lived in a very rural village once where buses came once every hour to the town. When I was getting the bus I either had to get the 7 o clock one and be very early or 8 o clock and run!

Also, even if you DON'T live rurally, depending on where the bus is going it can be irregular. I live 6 miles from one town, 5 from another. But because it straddles two counties the buses to the 6 mile away town are once an hour while the local town are once every 10 minutes.

I live opposite a train station and can get a direct train to London but if I want to go to another local town I have to change twice.

Public transport is not always convenient, often illogical and frequently infuriating. That is NOT the op's fault!

TheHermitCrab · 07/01/2015 00:01

mytartanscarf

Nobody is saying it is her fault. But just telling her it isn't her fault doesn't really help.

As it seems the bus is packed with people and is rush hour I would presume she doesn't live in the middle of no where.

Like I said, I have to either be silly early, or risk being late, I always chose early, which means I get up 30 mins earlier than I really need to.

You've just gotta do what you gotta do to make things work, whether it's your fault or the public transport service.

mytartanscarf · 07/01/2015 00:07

It doesn't have to be the middle of nowhere - I live in an industrial area and every 10 minutes can get on a bus to one town and every 60 a bus to another - despite them being equidistant, almost, from where I am!

I imagine the child having autism would make standing in a school playground for up to an hour difficult - in all fairness I think this would be difficult with any 5 year old. Fair enough in April/May/June but in winter it is horrible!

TheHermitCrab · 07/01/2015 00:30

mytartanscarf I'm working with the information she provided, which doesn't explain any of the alternatives, and she has changed the fact that she gets up at 6, to now 7.

People are coming up with suggestions, because coming up with extra excuses isn't very useful...

SaucyJack · 07/01/2015 00:37

How far is the journey to school? If it's less than a couple of miles it'd probably end up easier to walk.

BrowersBlues · 07/01/2015 00:55

OK I hope you are ok. Any posters giving you a hard time should take a good look at themselves. I don't have a solution but just want to tell you that it is extremely tough getting 3 DC up and out in the morning. Having children with disabilities just makes it even harder. I really feel for you.

I hope you are feeling a bit better. Ignore any negative posters. Most mums are just like you trying to get through the day as best they can. I hope it works out x