to think "I've worked for 30 years" isn't impressive at all

[haveatarday]

Mil often relies this when I'm talking talking about my life. I kind of want to reply, wow weren't you lucky!

I've worked since I was 16 so at 36 I've done 20 years and fully expect to be working for 50-60 years.

My mum has worked for 46 years and still works 3 days a week.

Aibu to reply with a put down?

How long have you worked, expect to work and how old are you now?

www.gov.uk/state-pension/eligibility

In that case I understand your annoyance. Best probably not to talk to her about your work, if she asks just say it's fine.

I got a Saturday job when I was 14.
Left school at 17 and worked full time until I was 33 when I went to university for three years, and then worked full time from the age of 37 until recently (I'm now nearly 61) when I've gone part-time.

I think you MIL has slightly more to be proud of than my old next door neighbour...
Then in his early 60s once told me he had worked for 20yrs before sadly having to become the full time carer for his wife ...
Apparently his wife was so poorly she couldn't do anything for herself, even get upstairs on her own, walk to the car (he moved it to the door, she had a disabled badge.)
The same wife who was seen with him (more than once) walking the 1.5 mile home from the pub pissed late at night, was capable of having a pissed up row on the street, I met a mile along a cliff top walk with her grandchildren (10 miles away from home, probably thought she was safe) and when he died lived on her own for a good year before a pissed up fall...
I think 30 yrs and then being a SAHM is fair enough ...

I can understand how you feel, but are you sure she is trying to put you down?
My DS and DiL are just starting out and I often hear conversations along the lines of 'we are both working full time, always hard up, cannot see a time when we will have a mortgage/holiday/baby etc' and I have been guilty of saying, 'yes, but give yourselves time. We have worked for 38 years to get to the point where we are now, we have been exactly where you are now, so just give it time'.

I really am not explaining myself properly, sorry, got a pounding headache, but I am just trying to say not to take things out of context.

Hmm well I'd be a bit fed up if my MIL said this every time I tried to say something about my job/life etc so no yanub to feel that way.
For me I started work at 16 and continued till I was mid twenty's when DD was born. Then I became a SAHM for 6 years till youngest started school. Went back PT on and off doing various hours and jobs (from 10 to no more than 20 hrs) until a year ago when I decided (due to crappy horrible job!) to have some time at home. Don't tell anyone but I'm loving it I'm 47 now.

Good for you Tiggy

I went down to 3 days a week and it is wonderful!

I do feel a bit guilty if I'm honest Toooldtobearsed as we could do with the extra money.... it would come in very handy still. But I'm just trying to figure out what job I want and can still do when I go back again. But just for the moment it is rather lovely being at home

You spend too much of your life at work to be miserable Tiggy. if you think about it, it is a third of your life - that is a lot of time to be miserable.

I would love to give up work altogether tbh, but need the money and don't hate my job, so quite content at the moment.

My attitude changed dramatically when I had cancer, i just thought bugger it, if I am going to pop my clogs early, I am not going miserable. We stopped stashing money away as a 'just in case' and started enjoying it!

If you can afford it and would not be miserable being poor (I would, I like holidays and luxuries, hence me still working), then blow it - stay at home!

It sounds like you are both trying to 'out trump' each other, can't you just keep the conversation neutral, smile and nod and discuss the weather.

Neither of you will ever 'win' the discussion, so why bother with it - my DM is a bit like this (on other subjects) - I soon realised it's best to just nod, make non commital comments and change the subject. .

My grandmother's a bit like this, she thinks kids have it so easy nowadays, if they go to uni they get long summer holidays, don't have to start full time work till they're 21 etc. She started full time work at 14 and retired at 60, with some time off in between to have children (not sure how long though). She's now nearly 89 so she's been retired for nearly 30 years! My parents have been moaning saying they won't be able to enjoy such a long retirement as my grandparents have done and I definitely won't. She had a very low stress job and I don't think she's ever sat an exam in her life so has no understanding of the pressure on kids today or the stress of meeting targets, paperwork etc. But then she had no choice in her job, she went to where her dad worked and that was it and obviously lacked all the opportunities that are available now. So it's all swings and roundabouts. She does make me laugh though, she said if she was leaving school now she'd go into teaching because you get all the long holidays! She hasn't got a clue, bless her. Really winds my teacher sister up but she's now perfected the art of the smile and nod.

As for me, retirement age currently is 67 so I could potentially have 40 years as front line NHS clinical staff. 67 is far too old to be doing clinical work and long shifts, especially in my line of work where you sometimes end up crawling around on the floor or bending over in funny positions for long periods of time. I'm hoping I'll be out by then, and in management or admin or something.

Wouldnt bother me. I have been a Sahm for 16 yrs and only worked paid a few years as i had children very young. To me sah is work but to many i have 'never worked a day in my life'. I dont care though, would rather be with my kids.

OP, we get this all the time in the NHS. "I've been here 40 years" can usually be translated as "I have no energy to learn the IT systems, I don't know how to work the new equipment and 30 years ago we took it in turns to sleep all night shift".

Yes Windchime, but if you read Pandora's post, it must be very difficult to still be working in such a physically demanding role.

I also have to admit, that as I get older, I struggle to retain things that would have been a snap in my younger days.

Yabu to put her down.

Are you a competitive martyr?

YABU unless people use it to get at someone because of something they cannot help, i.e. their age. I'm 35: obviously I won't have been working for 30 years. So that's really not a helpful put-down.

Share less with her and if the comments are put downs towards you, gently ask, why she asks then doesn't just empathise?

Perhaps she clumsily trying to do that.

My GM started work at 8 and did charity work until 79.

My own Mother started work at 14 and became a Lollypop Lady upon retirement, until she was 80.

Many people don't stop "work", when they retire, I expect to work until I'm forced to retire, but will either be working voluntarily or caring in my family, as most people I know do.

My region has high unemployment, so continual long employment isn't the norm, because of redundancies etc.

Some people admit they aren't cut out to be a SAHP, just can't take the lack of recognition, lack of adult companionship, etc.

My mother went to work with a huge sigh of relief, getting out of the house and away from childcare suited her best. She's never boasted about how many years she worked, because she liked it. She retired at 60 because my dad retired, and she now just watches TV a lot.

I dont understand why you feel you need to 'put her down' either