To be upset and extremely angry?

[FoxgloveFairy]

Friend invited me for a cuppa with herself and some of her friends. MY friend and myself are childless. Neither of us were able to have children. I didn't know the other women there, so they had no idea whether I had children or not, but I can only assume that they assumed I did. My friend left the room and they began talking about how she was "barren", not a fully fledged woman and her cats are child substitutes. Okay, she is a bit nuts about them! Do women truly look at other childless women that way? I am a bit teary here, because for some reason, it hit me hard. Not sure why. I've known since my teens that there wouldn't be any kids. The cruelty I heard was nauseating. I feel incredibly angry for my friend- these women were in her home accepting her hospitality. I don't know if I should have said anything. I just sat there and didn't join in as I didn't feel like sharing my situation with these jackals.

I am going to speak to my friend. She does need to know about these people. The woman that used the term barren was the 70 plus mum of one of the others, but even so.....Where I live is a bit of a backwater, but it is actually 2015 here. Not 1315. I just have to think out how best to say it and put my thoughts in order. Bit disappointed that I didn't speak up at the time. I should have. Could hardly believe my ears though.Nor did I want my friend returning to an episode of Jeremy Kyle. Thanks so much for the supportive posts ladies. I'm not sure I would have believed me!

"Barren" is bad enough.

But "not a fully fledged woman"??!!

I don't think I would say anything now to your friend. What good would it do? It's only going to make your friend feel bad. If you were going to say anything, you should have said it to the women at the time. Actually one of my older relatives often says things like (shocked voice) "(old family friend's son) is living with a man!" I just say, oh that's nice, I hope he is happy." I know it's not quite the same, but I just try to show in my response that I'm not homophobic or racist.

Yep, diddl, apparently my friend is not a "fully fledged" woman. Nor would I be regarded as such. Apparently, valueless it seems. Except to the kids she teaches, the sick people I tend, our husbands, wider family, friends. No point to us, it seems. I have explained to fox dog that, although she has been a much loved pet, she is promoted to child. Very damned hairy child, but there you go. She Ppears unmoved.

Sorry- fox dog is unmoved!

TBH, I find it odd that someone in her 70s said such a thing.

But that others piled in & agreed with her!

Do any of these people actually like your other friend?

well, it's very horrible of them, but you get this kind of thing on MN - the amount of times I have read the response 'oh, you're so pfb, wait till you have a second' and thought to myself, do you really have no idea that some women can't have more than one? That having one is practically a bloody miracle for some people? So I can well believe this rubbish.

I don't know if you should say something to your friend or not - how good friends is she with them?

Do these women like my friend? Good question. Up to then, I would have said so. I hadn't met all of them before but three are good "friends" of my friend. I don't know them well, as I have not been friends with my friend for all that long. My feeling was a bunch of patronizing pity rather than dislike.

I don't think I would tell her about it now. It will only cause her distress.

It would distress my friend hugely of I told her. It distressed me to hear to hear it, and it wasn't about me. Really in a dilemma about that. I feel she should know what was said and evaluate her own response, but really, it would kind of rock her world. Some are close old friends. Perhaps I should woman up ( except I'm not a real one, obviously ) but would I be doing her a favor? She's a sensitive soul.

No you wouldn't be doing her a favour. Don't tell her. Forget it and move on with your life. She may well have heard them say stuff before. You should have challenged it at the time, or tell them if you see them again, but don't upset your friend.

Nope, I've never heard anything like it, much less thought it. It's so bizarre as to have me questioning the truth of your story: sorry. Hopefully that's positive, if indeed it is true!

My other thought is- does my friend not know that these old friends think like that? She knows them well. Thanks you lot! Off to bed with furry child sub Foxdog.Who has her own bed, by the by! Which is not a cot! I'm in Australia, so going on 11pm.