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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how you would respond to this request (demand) from DC's rugby coach.

50 replies

HidingBehindANewNickname · 04/01/2015 16:50

DCs are 6 and 8. Both play rugby.

The U7s play tag rugby. Is fun (running about and getting muddy) and serious (the rules, etiquette, good behaviour) in equal measure. A perfect way to introduce a sport, encourage activity, keep interest up. We get the odd email about fixtures. Coaches are realistic about the mentality/commitment of 6/7 year olds. And that they are part of a family and so cannot necessarily be at every single practice (eg Christmas is busy, if you can get here great, if not we understand)

The U9 are a whole different ball game. My 8 yo only just started, so is several years behind most of the others in experience - but very keen. It is full contact (eek) but DC is loving it. The Coach is a whole different ball-game though. Endless passive aggressive emails about turning up/commitment over Christmas/signing up to rugby weekends abroad away over Easter. Making coaching times 30 minutes earlier than all the other mini-teams (so we/other DC has to hang around doing nothing). The latest was this email:

^"The biggest transition in a young rugby players life is their move into the full contact game. I would therefore like to follow up on this mornings training session, and also for those players/parents who could not make it today, to ask for your and your son/daughter's personal commitment to do their 3 sets x 10 reps daily Press Ups every single day, either 1st thing in the morning before breakfast or last thing at night before bed.

Press Ups builds upper body strength needed for tackling, including core/stomach strength. Please ensure that their technique is absolutely correct and that they do 3 x 10 reps as a minimum, every single day. No other U9 team in the world will do this and that will set us apart from everyone else. "^

How would you respond to this?

OP posts:

ImperfectAlf · 04/01/2015 17:13

That's very short sighted of him/her, Hiding. At this age, they change so much from season to season. Unless of course they are being hothouses like some East European gym team.

Original poster

HidingBehindANewNickname · 04/01/2015 17:14

Oh and did I mention I think he is a twunt?

OP posts:

Vycount · 04/01/2015 17:15

"It is full contact (eek)"
Op, you've got me in research mode now, I really need to go and do something else... but I don't think it is supposed to be full contact at this age. I'd look into that seriously if I were you.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 04/01/2015 17:15

Ha ha ha Sounds like he has delusions of grandeur. Really he should be coaching the national team but by a cruel twist of fate he has found himself lumbered with the under 9s. Poor man :(

Telling him to fuck off and get some perspective is about right.

Hassled · 04/01/2015 17:17

Bloody hell - that email is just insane. I'd find a new club - even if he backs down on the press-up demands, that level of uber-competitiveness will show its face some other way.

HalfPintPortia · 04/01/2015 17:20

Top Twunt. Find another team and let him know why.

atoughyear · 04/01/2015 17:27

It is contact at under 9 level although at this stage it only involves tackling. There are no rucks, mauls, scrums etc.

anythingforaquietnight · 04/01/2015 17:27

These are the RFU new regulations for U9s. The coach is plain wrong in describing it as full contact at this age. It's transitional contact. Just basic tackling.

What an arsehole

Original poster

HidingBehindANewNickname · 04/01/2015 17:33

OK - sorry about the wrong terminology. (My knowledge/interest in rugby before DCs started was 15 odd years ago cheering the boys on admiring the scenery/ whilst at boarding school) It seems full contact to me compared to the U7 tag stuff - I know they do tackling and stuff.

I am currently wording an email to the Coaching Chair. I am really concerned for DCs sake though. My "DC" is one of only 2 girls in the U9 team, new to it - so still learning the ropes - so she has many reasons already to be "dismissed" as not of interest to this twunt. Don't think she notices I do though as she is pfb so don't want to make to many waves for her sake iyswim

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 04/01/2015 17:42

They add in extra tackle and moves to contact rugby at different age groups. I know very little but DS1 at U16 is allowed to lift players in the line out and DS2 at U14 is not so they are still adding stuff in at this age.

I would run it past the person in charge of the Minis coaching for your club or reply to the team coach asking whether this has been sanctioned as it is not recommended for this age.

anythingforaquietnight · 04/01/2015 17:44

Ah, no I didn't mean you Hiding, was referring to your coach! Apologies. I've reread his email properly this time and he does talk of transition….into the full contact game. I'm not surprised you are confused.

He still sounds appalling.

Vycount · 04/01/2015 17:46

Sorry Op, but I still don't think that the coach should be considering 8 year olds as transitioning into the full contact game.

JammyDodger1 · 04/01/2015 17:48

The man sounds like a complete idiot, and trust me the club will take a dim view of his methods, especially as the port is desperately encouraging more players, especially girls at a young age.

They should have a board of execs/committee members who oversee this kind of behaviour, if you have a club website, their names, email address should be on there. If there isn't an "age group" rep them try find out who the child welfare officer is.

Rosieposy4 · 04/01/2015 17:48

i would run for the hills and find a different club, seriously, twunt coach may let up on this but will persist in his win at all costs mentality. (four rugby playing dc here)

FamiliesShareGerms · 04/01/2015 17:54

Vycount eight year olds are indeed transitioning to full contact, starting this season with tackling and then, as someone else said, adding in other elements of the game. That's not the coach being over keen, it's how the RFU require young children to develop their rugby skills

OP, don't report him to the RFU, get in touch with either the welfare officer (every rugby club has to have one ) or the chair and set out your concerns. You could do this by copying them into your reply, which I think should be along the lines of "we will not commit to requiring DC to do this daily exercise regime. Apart from the fact that the RFU is clear that the emphasis at this age should be on fun, rather than professional training, it would be more likely to do harm than good. In addition, although we are committed as a family to the rugby club, we do have other commitments and I believe your request is completely unreasonable".

SoupDragon · 04/01/2015 18:26

I still don't think that the coach should be considering 8 year olds as transitioning into the full contact game.

That is exactly what they are doing. It's a very long transition though, given what I've seen DS1 do. I don't know if it was last year or this year they added in lifting at lineouts but I think that is the last thing they weren't allowed to do. I might be wrong.

SoupDragon · 04/01/2015 18:27

Dump tackles and handing off were two things which were added in much later I believe. I may have got the terminology wrong!

waitingfor3 · 04/01/2015 18:52

He sounds very unaware of the physical reality of children this age.
I'd be very interested in his qualifications.
He sounds like a comedy coach character a la Trunchball, rather than a professional.

Wellthen · 04/01/2015 20:09

I think you need to stress that your concerns re around the fact ITS POINTLESS. As a poster further up said, its unlikely to hurt them but it won't build muscle. Also, it wouldn't set the team apart due to the different developmental stages of your average 9 year old. All the push ups in the world will make no difference when faced with much taller or bigger children. There is a reason your daughter can play with the boys at this age - there is no difference in their bodies. If muscle building made a difference then your daughter would be at an immediate disadvantage.

You are completely right to consider sport at this age as fun only but I get the feeling your coach doesn't see it like this and you will put on the 'fussy mother' box.

LynetteScavo · 04/01/2015 20:25

No other U9 team in the world will do this

And there is a reason for that.

One thing that really puts me off a kids sports club is expecting total dedication....if my DC were ever likely to be world class, I could understand and would put in the dedication, but realistically, DD is never going to play for the LA Lakers (but nobody tell DD that!), so going only twice a week to basket ball during term time, and only for fun need to be enough for all evolved.

I have a friend who had a huge argument with her DD in Christmas day because her DD didn't want to practice her gymnastics. So not worth it, IMO.

scratchandsniff · 04/01/2015 20:32

How ridiculous! He's obviously a frustrated coach who's got confused and thinks he's training a national team not a group of CHILDREN, children aged under 9 at that.

This would massively put me off. They want to be having fun not feel regimented. I wonder what the other parents make of it.

Altinkum · 04/01/2015 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HicDraconis · 04/01/2015 21:44

It would depend for me on how seriously / keenly your family take their rugby.

My boys (and DH/I) do at least 30 pressups and 30 situps a day as sets of 10 alternating, plus stretches - because as a family we are heavily into karate and it's part of our daily training and exercise regime. It's not done them any harm and it does seem to be giving them decent muscles in their upper arms. They are 7 and 8.

I wouldn't do it for rugby as we aren't into it. However I am sure there are many local kids that would and do, NZ has a lot of rugby-keen people.

If you aren't that into it and are doing it for fun, then I wouldn't bother doing the exercises but I don't think I'd bother replying to the email either.

atoughyear · 05/01/2015 17:32

I think any child who is subjected to a workout at ages 7 and 8 is doing it because of parental and/or coach pressure. There is loads of evidence to say this is not a good long term strategy. If children of this age are able to build muscle, as opposed to toning them ( which I highly doubt) I wonder if supplements or the like are involved...

muminhants · 05/01/2015 18:34

Don't expect the welfare officer to do anything. At least the one in my ds's ex-football club was absolutely useless but that's another story. I am now a welfare officer myself for my running club and when I did the training was even more shocked at how useless she was (and still is as she is still welfare officer at that football club!) It may well be better in rugby - and therefore worth a try. But failing that, at this stage I would keep making it clear that they are playing for fun and to increase their skill level and not for the coaches' glory. I wouldn't bother replying in writing, just when you are speaking to him.

The start time is annoying - is that because he can't do it later? You have to cut coaches some slack, after all they are volunteers, but it does seem a bit silly to have a different start time (assuming that there are enough pitches etc to have all the groups training at once).

Only being interested in those who are already brilliant seems par for the course. Again I am not sure what you can do about it. Some clubs and coaches are definitely better than others and you have to find them.

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