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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop entertaining my pil

14 replies

jemima1988 · 04/01/2015 14:43

My pil has been buying a new car ever since I've known him (3 years)
I only really get the weekend to spend with my dh as he works long hours (avg 70 a week)
every weekend he wants my dh to go looking at cars with him! They went out at 9 this morning and have just returned at 3pm with yet again no intention of buying a car
I am currently on mat leave and have a 3 month old DS. The weekend is the only time I get a bit of me time as I am ebf AIBU to ask him to stop going? And if he wants to carry on try once a month not every weekend!

OP posts:
Original poster
jemima1988 · 04/01/2015 14:43

Sorry not pil ...FIL

OP posts:
LennyCrabsticks · 04/01/2015 14:46

Wait a minute.

Your husband has gone car shopping with his dad every single weekend for THREE YEARS?

They're having you on. They're either in the pub or doing something you wouldn't approve of.

TallulahTwinkletoes · 04/01/2015 14:56

What Lenny said. Every weekend????

CoffeeBucks · 04/01/2015 15:00

YANBU at all, but agree with PP that 'car shopping' might not actually be what's happening.

Having said that I can quite imagine my FIL, BILs and DP spending a fair few months selecting a new car. They are very methodical about all purchases & I have spent the last few years trying to train DP to just make a decision.

Salmotrutta · 04/01/2015 15:06

How can it take 3 years to shop for a car?

Confused
Original poster
jemima1988 · 04/01/2015 15:08

It's become a family joke now we all no he won't buy a car he's very tight fisted. He lost he wife about a year ago after a long battle with cancer and I think he uses it as an excuse for company but I would rather him come round for tea than take my dh out for the full day

OP posts:
Baliali31 · 04/01/2015 18:08

I think they are at the pub watching the footie! YANBU, but given the fact that he is relatively newly widowed I think your idea to have your FIl come for dinner instead is a nice alternative. Not every week though, you need time to yourself some Saturdays.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 04/01/2015 18:18

sounds more like spending the day looking at cars with his son is just an activity in itself. Maybe he just loves pottering around car showrooms with his son. Making a day of it perhaps with lunch and a pint.

What about talking to your husband and agreeing that it will be once a month going out looking at cars and during the month he as you suggest here comes over to eat.
that way he still gets regular 1:1 time with his son but you also get time with your husband and all of you together enjoy some time as a family?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 04/01/2015 18:20

sorry, rereading you already suggested just once a month. I agree with you that would be better. There has to be a better balance.

Fluffyears · 04/01/2015 18:46

Mil I'd the same. DP girs to take her to get shopping but then she wants to go all over the place and get s take away etc. He can leave house at 11am and not get back till teatime. She gets upset if we leave before 3+ hours.

Ohfourfoxache · 04/01/2015 18:54

Oh dear God Shock

Erm, yeah. Fuck that.

Agree with ^ - this isn't about doing anything "productive", it about him having something to do, spending time with his son and, most likely, dealing with his grief. Completely understandable but every Saturday doin the same thing is a joke.

Spending time as a family and including fil is a lovely idea. In the nicest possible way, he perhaps needs to start to focus on life moving forward (he has a new dgs - your ds - who it would be good to spend a bit of time with). Unfortunately life goes on, and he sounds in a bit of a vacuum.

Yanbu at all - you sound rather lovely and thoughtful actually.

UncleT · 04/01/2015 19:01

I do like the way so many people immediately assume that the OP is incapable of recognising the smell of alcohol on someone or the effect it has on their behaviour.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 04/01/2015 19:17

eh?

MaryWestmacott · 04/01/2015 19:29

Right, sit your DH down and say this has to stop, he can't book every single Saturday looking for cars with his dad. Point out how many days he's looked at cars over this year and how it takes out every saturday. That it's not fair that your DH gets the bulk of the day on Saturday to go out doing his own thing (and stop him if he says it's helping his dad, because your DH is clearly failing at 'helping his dad buy a car' as he's not done it in 3 years), when actually it would be nice to treat that as 'family time' or - crazy thought, perhaps you could get some time off...

Tell him he's being selfish. If he wants to spend time with his dad, can he just be honest and say so, and then you'll find a way to include your FIL in the family time, invite him for dinner as PP said, or Sunday lunch, but no more taking out the whole day doing his own stuff leaving you on your own, particularly as Saturday is the best day for you to have 'time off' if you want to do things yourself.

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